How do YOU deal with criticism outside of work?

[misskayy]

I'm wondering how other nurses deal with criticism and insults outside of work. At work, it's obvious that you must remain professional. But what about outside of work when you're not in uniform? I've come across a good amount of negative people in my life (family members, mutuals, and strangers) and recently I decided to just turn the other cheek when they speak bad of me, whether it's to my face or not. I'm naturally the type of person to bark back because I noticed that people will continue bothering if you don't. But I've been holding back. I feel like it's risky now. I would NEVER get physical. Never have and never will. But nowadays even words are enough to get you fired from a job.

[NurseCard, ADN]

I think that outside of work, just as much as inside of work, we

are all deserving of respect. Further, I think that insults and such

both outside and inside of work should be dealt with similarly.

Not necessarily by "turning the other cheek", but not by

firing back either. By stating calmly, "oh I'm sorry, I

really don't appreciate how you are speaking to me"

"Please show me a little more respect, thank you".

I will admit, I don't have many occasions outside of work

in which I'm insulted, talked down to, whatever. I

guess I'm lucky. Fortunately, here lately, I don't

get insulted or talked down to at work either, unless

it is by a patient. In which case I DO usually turn

the other cheek, change the subject, etc..

[NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

What was it that Rhet Butler said in the classic 'Gone with the Wind'? ;-)

In reality, I don't allow people to get close enough to me to have (or know) anything to be critical of. My immediate family and I have never had issues like those you mentioned. In fact, my being the only daughter, only sister, only mother, and only aunt tends to make my family a little overly-protective at times.

For any 'flaws' that we have (and there are quite a few), we find humor in them and opportunities to laugh about them when they manifest themselves. Maybe you can take a proactive stance and laugh at yourself first; that'll take away the aggressors' punchline.

Or, take a few moments to practice being Rhet Butler...with a smile, for best results.

[RNperdiem, RN]

I think of criticism and insults as very separate things.

Outside of work I play in a handbell choir. I am not a skilled musician and I know it. Constructive criticism is part of gaining skill in music. I do not take constructive criticism as a personal attack, just a way to help my performance.

Insults are another matter. Now that I think about it, I don't encounter any. My husband, children, parents, the neighbors, I am scanning my mind and coming up blank here. I suspect a mature, confident woman with strong boundaries, who keeps negative people out commands enough respect to deflect that nonsense.

[caliotter3]

Once two men sitting across from me in a dining hall were speaking in another language. They were looking directly at me and smirking and laughing. It was obvious they were insulting me behind the assumption that I could not understand them. I asked someone what one of the phrases that I picked up from their conversation meant, and I was correct. They were insulting me. Had I known a retort in their language, I probably would have given them an answer, as it was, they managed to ruin my meal anyway. In hindsight I could have changed seats, but after all I was there first. The thought did occur to me that it takes quite a lot of character and courage to insult someone to their face when you speak in a language not understood by all. I tend to walk away from such behavior. It is impossible to do when it comes from a home health client that I am being paid to encounter for an eight hour shift, a person whose home I would not be within thirty miles of otherwise. I bite my lips until they bleed and spend my paycheck on my basic needs.

[dream'n, BSN, RN]

I was born with a fiery temper, but it is much better as I've gotten older and wiser. At work I'm professional, but have I cussed at a driver that cut me off? Um, yeah. Do I have a sailor's mouth at home sometimes? Um, yeah. Have I responded rudely when spoken to badly outside of work? Um, yeah. I'm a person (and an Irish redhead raised in a large, loud family :)), so no I'm not perfect.

[JKL33]

I'm naturally the type of person to bark back because I noticed that people will continue bothering if you don't.

Two things with regard to this. They may keep at it if they sense they might get anywhere with it. When they know it is getting nowhere, they are pretty likely to give up, get distracted, or just get bored. Secondly, and this is hard to hear, no one bothers us unless we are bothered. [There are extremes; I'm not talking about those]. In many different situations (more than most people believe) we get to choose how bothered we are.

- There can come a time when it makes sense to limit opportunities for negative interactions; in other words sometimes you may have to reduce the time voluntarily spent with such people. I'm not sure where the empowerment to do so comes from, perhaps age, wisdom, realizing that "life's too short," etc.

- For me there has been a change (with effort) in my processing of others' negativity. I can't take it on anymore. I refuse to. I used to be very negative (defensive) in response to such and then it just "clicked" that I am almost completely responsible for how I feel about this and how I handle it. I can finally see that others' negativity has way more to do with them than me, and that if I don't handle it wisely then I myself am making it my problem too. Being able to walk away is so freeing! Others may see it as weakness and I used to too...until I realized that for me, engaging in tit-for-tat, i.e. what some would call "defending myself" or "not tolerating that" (in other words, not being able to "let it go") was the weakness all along.

Constructive criticism is different, as mentioned above. That is always welcome when it comes from someone I trust or whom I sense means well for me.

Luckily I have zero people in my personal life who were ever part of this problem.

Bottom line, I think one day you just wake up and realize you don't have time to spend on negativity. No time for being negative, and no time for responding to it, either.

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

Constructive criticism I try to learn from.

But I embrace the idea that what other people think of me is none of my business. I've stopped putting myself in situations with negative people and have surrounded myself with people who believe in me.

I also got off of most social media sites. It's amazing what that can do for your mental well being.

There is a lot of peace in realizing that you can't control other people, only your reaction to them.

[Jory, MSN, APRN, CNM]

If it's happening that frequently with several people, not trying to be mean but you need to look at the common denominator.

[misskayy]

It doesn't happen that often. It just happens to come from people that I have to see often. I also focus on the negative way too much. I'm aware that I shouldn't, but it's hard not to.

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

It doesn't happen that often. It just happens to come from people that I have to see often. I also focus on the negative way too much. I'm aware that I shouldn't, but it's hard not to.

It takes a lot of practice to not focus on the negative. Just realize that however they treat you is a reflection of them, and says nothing about you.

[aflahe00]

Criticism that's not constructive is just nonsense and you shouldn't even give it a second thought. Might take some practice and time but you gotta learn to let things go or you'll be bothered for the rest of your life. People will always be people. If you don't feed into it and react then it will stop.