How are things with your home life while in school?

Nursing Students General Students

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So, in the general nursing section, I read a post from someone whose husband is starting to get a little worried about her choice of specialties once she has graduated (ER).

So, considering I am having some problems of my own with hubby adjusting to me being in school, and his fear that once I am financially independent that I am going to leave, I wanted to get some input from other students who may be dealing with the same things at home.

He didn't get blindsided with this, I have been telling him for awhile what I wanted to do (before we even got married!), and that it was a huge commitment. He finally makes enough that I can get by with part time work, so I went back to school. We have been married for almost 4 years, some of which has been rocky, and his attitude makes me want to throw my hands up in frustration. It scares me because he's going to make me crazy, and his constant battle with me over the time I'm gone for school and studying (I am working full time and going to school full time until I start nursing school proper) and how I am going to walk away from him is going to make me do just that.

Does it ever get better? I'm really trying here, but it makes it tough when you feel like someone wants to stand in your way and they should be supporting you. I'm just trying to make our lives better, and to accomplish something I have been dreaming of for years. :banghead:

To Jackson145- That sucks... I can't believe that.

I don't know what I am going to do. I guess the only thing is to wait and see how he handles the transition.

I hate to put it this way, but like I have told him the past, I don't need him there, but I want him there. I don't need to have him around to pay bills, or whatever else, but I want him there with me, and for me. I guess if he can't handle it, he'll know the way to the door. It would be heartbreaking... so I hope he doesn't do anything silly.

Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
To Jackson145- That sucks... I can't believe that.

I don't know what I am going to do. I guess the only thing is to wait and see how he handles the transition.

I hate to put it this way, but like I have told him the past, I don't need him there, but I want him there. I don't need to have him around to pay bills, or whatever else, but I want him there with me, and for me. I guess if he can't handle it, he'll know the way to the door. It would be heartbreaking... so I hope he doesn't do anything silly.

Stay strong, don't let him keep you from your dreams. Hopefully you make it out together in the end. If not you will make it and be wiser and stronger in the process. I pretty much told my husband the same exact thing and he came around. That was for me starting school. We shall see how NS goes. But you have to believe in yourself no matter what and focus on school and getting through. I will be pulling for you!!!

To Jackson, My god what a jackass. So happy to hear you kicked him to the curb. I think I would have injected him with something LOL. Anyway, good for you for not being a doormat!!! Thankfully you found out before putting him through RN school as well.

Specializes in SNU/SNF/MedSurg, SPCU Ortho/Neuro/Spine.

home life??? what is that???

ahhhhhhh ok! its been so long that i forgot!

LOL

home life??? what is that???

ahhhhhhh ok! its been so long that i forgot!

LOL

HAHAHAHA... There are days I would like to forget. :rolleyes: Don't get me wrong, I love my hubby, but I am getting sooo frustrated. Whatever will be, will be though.

He would look at the short term and get mad that he couldn't buy "toys" (i.e. pocketknives, high end flashlights, watches, etc.)

I'm sorry when I read this I just had to laugh...because my husband also loves pocketknives, high end flashlights, watch's....is your husband a firefighter by any chance? My husband loves to collect knives and when he asked about buying a $50 flashlight I thought he was absolutely nuts...I mean what does that flashlight do that a $5 flashlight can't do??? Totally off subject but this made me laugh!!

I think if your husband is worried you will leave him because you can support yourself, you have bigger issues. I can't recommend counseling strongly enough! If he won't go, go without him.

I am lucky enough to have a very good marriage, we are partners and support each other in everything, but it still takes work. While I am in NS we have a "date night" every week no matter what. It's just going out to dinner together, but it's important because it gives us time alone to "catch up" from the insanity, and it's imiportant because it shows each other that our relationship IS a priority. So that is something that I recommend, but like I said it sounds like you (and many others here) have bigger issues that aren't going to just "go away".

Best of luck!

Just a guy's point of view...as you already know, guys are prob more insecure than women..the one thing I have noticed is that women are able to discuss their insecurities/issues with one another (such as here). Guys just don't do this, we never have these coversations with our friends. A guy breaks up with his girl, we dont sit down and talk about, we take our buddy out to get trashed. So we internalize everything and then take it out on you all, since you are the only target.

Also a HUGE part is that you may be making more money than your husband after you become a nurse. That is all we are taught, be the provider...our #1 success in life is determined by if we can fully provide things to our families that others can. So you wrap all that up and throw in a dash of a few prior bad relationships and you can see....we are a total mess...haha

What we need is to know that we are still important and still are being the "man" and doing the man" things in your life, just the way we work whether it is right or wrong. The provider, the protector...etc

Now I have never been married and still fairly young, so these are just my ideas, feel free to correct, re-correct, blast away, since I might be off base....but best of luck to you and by all means I think you are doing the right thing.

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I can speak from experience:

Went to nursing school from 90-94 (LPN then ADN) while kids were in elementary school.

Went back to school 2002-2006 (BSN, MSN, post-MSN certificate) kids now adults.

Going back to school 2009-2010 - (another post-MSN certificate) - now we have grandkids!

At each stage my husband has been there. I do make more than my husband - he is totally fine with it. I love my husband and it has nothing to do with how much money he brings in.

Some hints:

1. Talk about big decisions before you make them. Get him to buy in to the incresed job security and increased $$ even though there is going to be temp chaos.

2. I always paint a glum picture and then when it isn't that bad - well, I must have been more organized.

3. Realize that if there is a problem when one person or another wants to change careers, go back to school or otherwise make a big life change - then maybe it is a sign that there are other problems in the relationship too.

4. School is always an investment in your future.

5. Its temporary.

sorry forgot to add...ironicly my GF broke up with me after she found I got into nursing school because I wouldnt have as much time for her and she didn't feel like we would be in a relationship...so goes the other way too

Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.
I'm sorry when I read this I just had to laugh...because my husband also loves pocketknives, high end flashlights, watch's....is your husband a firefighter by any chance? My husband loves to collect knives and when he asked about buying a $50 flashlight I thought he was absolutely nuts...I mean what does that flashlight do that a $5 flashlight can't do??? Totally off subject but this made me laugh!!

:chuckle

I would be happy if he were content to spend "only" $50 on a flashlight. At least it would be put to good use in a smoke filled building. Dh does computer support fot a hospital. I hardly think that justifies eight bajillion lumens . . . . . .:banghead: Ah, well . . . . . . .

like I have told him the past, I don't need him there, but I want him there. I don't need to have him around to pay bills, or whatever else, but I want him there with me, and for me. I guess if he can't handle it, he'll know the way to the door. It would be heartbreaking... so I hope he doesn't do anything silly.

My mom told me that this is what saved her best friend's marriage. After years of him wanting to leave she said ok go, and guess what? He didn't leave and they have lived happily ever after since then. Amazing isn't it? That men don't like to feel needed.

Guys are so complicated. They want kids but they don't want to take care of them. They want to eat but they don't want to cook. They want to lose weight but don't get off the couch. I could go on forever. They are takers and not givers (in general). So when they "give" you to nursing school they tend to act like children.

Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.
I can speak from experience:

Went to nursing school from 90-94 (LPN then ADN) while kids were in elementary school.

Went back to school 2002-2006 (BSN, MSN, post-MSN certificate) kids now adults.

Going back to school 2009-2010 - (another post-MSN certificate) - now we have grandkids!

At each stage my husband has been there. I do make more than my husband - he is totally fine with it. I love my husband and it has nothing to do with how much money he brings in.

Some hints:

1. Talk about big decisions before you make them. Get him to buy in to the incresed job security and increased $$ even though there is going to be temp chaos.

2. I always paint a glum picture and then when it isn't that bad - well, I must have been more organized.

3. Realize that if there is a problem when one person or another wants to change careers, go back to school or otherwise make a big life change - then maybe it is a sign that there are other problems in the relationship too.

4. School is always an investment in your future.

5. Its temporary.

Sorry for the temporary sidetrack . . . . back on topic:

Yes, yes and yes . . .. . especially to 1, 4, and 5. No education is ever wasted. Thanks Trauma!

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