How do I fix my attitude?

Daisy4RN · Sep 27, 2022

Who are you getting angry at, admin? If so I also had to change my attitude because I naively thought they gave a rats behind about staff and patients. Once I realized they didn’t I simply stopped wasting my energy on them. I instead focused on taking care of the patients best I could, did my work, kept a low profile and bid my time until I could retire (in my case). No sense getting stressed about things you can not change. Just play their game (cuz there is nothing else you can do anyway) and don’t worry about it. Keep a steady pace, no getting upset and saying things, then no down dunks. Do what you need to keep your job and don’t worry about the rest. Somewhat similar for patients if they are the problem, find your boundaries.

good luck!!

Davey Do · Sep 27, 2022

Joseph Campbell said, "The conscious is changed through trials, tribulations, and subsequent illuminating revelations".

Merely the fact that you are experiencing negative reactions- more importantly, are identifying those feelings and desiring to change those reactions- will cause the change to take place, frustratedoldnurse.

Doors will open to you- this time in the form of Daisy and Dave, et al- to help guide you to a higher consciousness.

I'll tell you what I do in order to deal with my own neurotic negativity: I work a program. I read something spiritual every day. I work out. I channel my negativity onto humorous and not so humorous art. I pray without ceasing.

In the past, I've read some good self-help books like Marty Seligman's "Learned Optimism" and Daniel Gilbert's "Stumbling on Happiness". They were not the whole enchilada but were a piece of the pie in working my program.

Good luck and the best to you, frustratedoldnurse.

allnurses Guide · Sep 28, 2022

Like Dave I too work a program. It's simple and complicated at the same time. For starters I would suggest reading "You Can't make me angry!" by Dr. Paul O.

JBMmom, MSN, NP · Sep 28, 2022

I was listening to a podcast the other day and someone said something that really struck me. I'm paraphrasing but the idea was "If you're thinking of saying something because it will feel really good to say it, it's probably a bad idea and you should keep your mouth shut". That idea struck me because I tend to get very frustrated when I feel like stupid things are getting in the way of us providing the best in patient care. And I'll go along for a while and then I'll let things build up too much and I'll blurt out or email, something that I truly 100% feel is a rational argument that makes sense. It never ends up working out for me in the end.

You've identified what you think is the problem. That's a large step towards making the changes that will help you. Good luck with finding whatever it takes to keep your inner calm.

toomuchbaloney · Sep 29, 2022

On 9/27/2022 at 9:40 AM, frustratedoldnurse said:

how do I permanently fix my attitude? I get myself in trouble when I get angry/frustrated/fed up with what I say & how I say it; then I get called out on it...rightfully so...fall into a funk and am subdued until it builds up again & the cycle continues. one of these days they'll give up on me & let me go.

Like others, I manage my frustrations and verbal interactions with tools and tactics that I practice... and practice is the most important part.

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · Sep 30, 2022

I'm driven by the personal motto "learn to tell people to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip"

Things that help me include having an outside outlet that is completely unrelated to nursing. I work to indulge my crafting habbit, including cross stitch, paper crafting, scrap booking etched

Also at work when you have one of those moments when you want to let rip, pause and ask yourself 'if I say this, what is it going to achieve?" don't get me wrong, some people can be absolute asshats begging for a tounge lashing. What we have to say can get lost in how we say it.

Its absolutely not a weakness to choose to take the high ground and decide not to engage. I had an episode of this a week or so ago after night shift, the duty nurse manager was trying to take a care assistant away at the same time I'm trying to organise the shift as the lead nurse is running late. She completely flew off the handle, fortunately I managed to rain myself in and the issue was solved. The duty nurse manager made a point of seeking me out the next night. I had a valid reason to be pissed at her tantrum, she felt I spoke disrespectfully. In the end I said something along the lines of "I am deeply regretful how that came across as that was not my intention". Problem solved and I didn't get my butt kicked because a manager didn't like how I spoke to them

Career Columnist / Author · Oct 1, 2022

Irritability can be a sign of depression, so get that checked out if it's a possibility.

Try speaking up assertively, not aggressively, when you begin to feel anger, instead of holding it in until you explode. For example:

I can take the ED admit but I will need help hanging blood in 312. Can you give me a hand with that?

**CommunityRNBSN, BSN, RN** · Oct 1, 2022

On 9/28/2022 at 1:12 PM, JBMmom said:

paraphrasing but the idea was "If you're thinking of saying something because it will feel really good to say it, it's probably a bad idea and you should keep your mouth shut".

I also heard this for the first time recently too. The version I heard was about emails, and it was something like “If you’re mad and it’s going to feel really good to send the email— Don’t send it.” It is SUCH good advice.

scribblz, BSN, CNA, LPN · Oct 2, 2022

15 hours ago, CommunityRNBSN said:

I also heard this for the first time recently too. The version I heard was about emails, and it was something like “If you’re mad and it’s going to feel really good to send the email— Don’t send it.” It is SUCH good advice.

LOL this is so true. I have a assistant nurse manager who loves to ask me to work and then complains when I occasionally cost her overtime even though I'm saving her department from running short due to call outs.

The other day she sends me this ridiculous email that is both asking me to work more and then complaining about how much I work. I wrote a thoroughly scathing email in response... Read it a few times with a big smile of rage filled satisfaction and then after enjoying my witty writing came to my senses and edited to a super congenial response that couldn't possibly come back to hurt me ?

Losing your temper always feels good at the time but bad very shortly after... the inability to control yourself is a bad habit to indulge in.

Home Health Columnist / Guide · Oct 3, 2022

Send that pithy email TO YOUR OWN INBOX, sleep on it overnight, re-read next day--- then decide if sending is in your best interest. Saved me many times from making my staff /boss upset from my "advice" /vent post.

from my profile: "ATTITUDE: The Difference Between ORDEAL and ADVENTURE!! "

Learning how to be assertive and cordial at same time can be learned with time and learning from life's lessons. Counting to 5-10 to myself prior to response helps me to lower my anger response temp. Cooling off in bathroom to gather my wits when angry/frustrated works. Doing something FOR ME outside work helps with work/life balance --took me 2+years to learn that lesson to destress. Mental health day taken when 5th code in 2 days, few deaths on my Repiratory unit occurred over 2 weeks as lost objectivity and ability to give of myself. Returned after 3 days good sleep and speaking with EAP for support.

RNperdiem, RN · Oct 3, 2022

If this is a new problem, maybe it is a sign that something in your life is out of balance and you need to change something.

This could also be a workplace culture issue. If you have worked in a place where you could lose your temper, get a bit loud and in your coworkers faces and that was how conflict was handled, it will be a culture change to a place where raised voices get a shocked response.