How do you handle touchy/feely coworkers?

Thoenix · May 8, 2019

"Sorry, I know you meant it in a friendly way, but I startle so easily that it's embarrassing sometimes. Can we keep touches to high fives/fist bumps/other alternative I see coming so I don't end up looking like an idiot jumping like I'm in a horror movie in front of Supervisor? It's *so* embarrassing to have to ask. I feel so silly."

I've used that a *lot* in a variety of situations. Not on a nursing floor obviously as I'm still a hopeful, but I don't think I've ever had anyone refuse. It makes it very not about them doing anything wrong, so they tend to take it in the spirit it's meant.

registerednutrn, BSN, RN · May 8, 2019

Why can’t you say you don’t like being touched. There is nothing wrong with saying it. I have told people that when it was needed. Some individuals don’t read body language as well as others so if you don’t tell them it bothers you how will they know it. It really is ok to set boundaries.

allnurses Guide · May 8, 2019

There are two men I've known more than forty years. One is a respiratory therapist and the other an EMT who often brought us admits from the ER. Both also liked to give shoulder massages. One did come behind me and began to massage, and I told him, "Please don't do that. I don't like it. The other first massaged the RN I was working with. I told him, "Please don't do that to me. I wouldn't like it." We are still friends.

JKL33 · May 8, 2019

I don't like touching either, but what is more iffy about this is the context. Sounds like an alternative/short-cut attempt at inducing others' trust, and there are usually reasons behind that. Touching, using overly-familiar terms/terms of endearment and other ways of pretending that people you just met are instantly your new BFFs...

?

Snatchedwig, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN · May 8, 2019

Im surprised this is even an issue for you considering how you respond on ths forums with strength and veracity sometimes. Just tell the chick dont touch me. Problem solved. I tried paying my bills with someones feelings and opinions, the check bounced.

NightNerd, MSN, RN · May 8, 2019

2 hours ago, Emergent said:
Yesterday a new gal in our department did the old friendly pat on the back that I HATE. Why do people think this is acceptable? I tried to shrink away a bit, but, these types are oblivious. And, you can't exactly say "I don't like casual touching, thanks anyways but don't do it again."

Why not? Maybe you don't have to word it exactly like that, but how about something like, "Hey, I'm more of a friendly wave kinda person; can we stick to that on the future? Thanks for understanding." That's usually enough for most people, but if you get any pushback whatsoever, I think it's totally okay to explain that it's something you're uncomfortable with, regardless of who they are, how long you've known each each other, etc. It's an awkward situation to have to say something, but I think most people would rather you speak up so they're not unknowingly tormenting you.

allnurses Guide · May 8, 2019

I'm the touchy feely one, and many coworkers love my shoulder rubs. I can feel someone tense up at a touch, and respect that. But it also doesn't bother me in the least for someone to verbally set bounderies, I'm not psychic and I am trainable! I appreciate people's honesty. I also wait until I get to know people first.

The shoulder rubs are for those I know well, and know they appreciate it. One doc is always asking why I stay in nursing when I could make great money doing massage, lol.

**LibraSunCNM, BSN, MSN, CNM** · May 8, 2019

Why in the world can't you say that you don't like being touched? There's nothing weird about that. You don't have to scream at her or anything, just a simple, "I don't really like being touched."

dream'n, BSN, RN · May 9, 2019

I had a coworker that didn't like to be touched. She informed me very nicely early on in our working relationship. I didn't think she was strange or odd. I appreciated her letting me know so I could be mindful of my actions and not make her feel uncomfortable. Her honesty let us build a strong professional relationship instead of her avoiding or disliking me.

flipflopsNsweetTea · May 9, 2019

On my first night at the job I'm at now, the RN training me was taking me around introducing me to various staff members. One female member of the security staff said "Oh, we hug here." I am not much of a hugger, especially with people I don't know well. And I said (as she was hugging me) "I'm not much of a hugger." And she laughed like I was joking. Over the next year, I tolerated it some, hid from her some, reminded her that not everyone wanted to be hugged and it all fell on deaf ears.

One night in the ER, I saw her hug another RN and that nurse said, "I don't like that." And the hugger laughed and said, "You're so funny." People all over the hospital were talking about her and how she was inappropriately touching the staff. I wasn't the only one who would hide when I saw her coming.

One day, I was sitting at the nurses station, talking on the phone the the CMO about an issue we were having and she came up behind me and hugged me from behind. It was the last straw for me. I went right to her supervisor and reported it. She was put on probation, but couldn't help herself and a few weeks later she was fired.

The moral is, some people don't get the hint.

Emergent, RN · May 9, 2019

I think I feel a bit ambushed and put on the spot when someone I don't know well suddenly thinks it's okay to touch. It catches me by surprise and I can't think fast enough.

I'll try to be prepared if it happens again. Thanks for the input!