How do you handle touchy/feely coworkers?

[Emergent]

Yesterday a new gal in our department did the old friendly pat on the back that I HATE. Why do people think this is acceptable? I tried to shrink away a bit, but, these types are oblivious. And, you can't exactly say "I don't like casual touching, thanks anyways but don't do it again. "

Now I'm feeling a bit negative about this woman. I want to be friendly and welcoming to newcomers, which I have to her, but not if it encourages this type of thing.

Any good strategies out there?

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

The therapeutic application of a taser works wonders.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I think it is more weird to dislike something this much, say nothing and then hold it against them, to be honest.

I have a traumatic past. I work with a guy who likes to "scare" people by coming up behind them at their computer and sternly stating "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" or yelling boo and other such childish antics. These types of actions are pretty damn triggering for me. I told him that. He stopped doing it.

Don't expect people to respect boundaries you don't define. There is nothing wrong with being someone who thrives from physical contact. There is nothing wrong with being a person who prefers to keep their own space. The world takes all kinds. We teach people how to treat us. Declining to do that and then being bitter about it or resenting it is called "passive aggressive".

[socal212, CNA]

Was it really just a quick pat on the back? I expect friendly touches from my coworkers...I just think it's the nature of working in healthcare. We spend all day touching strangers in incredibly personal ways, lol, so why would it not be acceptable for your coworker to give you a quick, friendly pat on the back? You should probably be honest with her, instead of internally building a resentment towards her because that's not fair.

[OldDude]

I've found that a good ole loud fart at the moment of contact is a real attention-getter and immediately changes the dynamics of the situation.

[LibraSunCNM, BSN, MSN, CNM]

2 hours ago, Emergent said:

I think I feel a bit ambushed and put on the spot when someone I don't know well suddenly thinks it's okay to touch. It catches me by surprise and I can't think fast enough.

I'll try to be prepared if it happens again. Thanks for the input!

Totally understandable. And to be clear, I wasn't implying it is OK for people to just assume you're ok with them touching you without your consent---that's annoying AF. I think people just don't think, unfortunately.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

9 minutes ago, OldDude said:

I've found that a good ole loud fart at the moment of contact is a real attention-getter and immediately changes the dynamics of the situation.

Also passive aggressive. But not entirely unexpected from a guy named "OldDude". <g>

[ruby_jane, BSN, RN]

9 hours ago, flipflopsNsweetTea said:

One day, I was sitting at the nurses station, talking on the phone the the CMO about an issue we were having and she came up behind me and hugged me from behind. It was the last straw for me. I went right to her supervisor and reported it. She was put on probation, but couldn't help herself and a few weeks later she was fired.

The moral is, some people don't get the hint.

Emergent, as a frequent patter/toucher, I apologize on behalf of all of us. My kid hates unwarranted contact and I've reeeaaaally had to learn this. We don't drill for this - "please don't touch me." You were caught off guard. Please don't worry about hurting a patter/toucher's feelings. You do you. We will learn. Or we will be put on probation!!!

[socal212, CNA]

9 hours ago, flipflopsNsweetTea said:

One day, I was sitting at the nurses station, talking on the phone the the CMO about an issue we were having and she came up behind me and hugged me from behind. It was the last straw for me. I went right to her supervisor and reported it. She was put on probation, but couldn't help herself and a few weeks later she was fired.

The moral is, some people don't get the hint.

That’s soooo strange! Why wouldn’t she just stop hugging people? I’m fine with a quick pat on the arm or shoulder but why do some people desperately need to enclose you in their arms??

I had a similar situation where a male coworker gave a female coworker a lighthearted “boop” on the top of her head. He was making a joke and literally just gave her one pat on the top of her head. Well, this upset her and she went to HR and he was fired. Less than a year before retirement.

[Davey Do]

16 hours ago, Snatchedwig said:

Im surprised this is even an issue for you considering how you respond on ths forums with strength and veracity sometimes.

I agree, Snatchedwig. Something odd is going on here.

OP, who are you and what have you done with Emergent?

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

The world is full of keyboard warriors.

[SteelGrey]

Until we've outlawed every possible thing that could offend, upset or violate someone, I would just go ahead and let people know your boundaries.

Being negative towards people won't be helpful, If they don't know how they have been offensive. If you have laid the groundwork and it continues to be ignored, then I would completely understand the feelings of negativity and also moving up the chain of command.

I'm sure there are plenty of folks in various cultures that are also upset and offended that people reject hugging, physical touch, personal space etc.

[Nurse8988]

I think you should pull the person aside and let her know that you would love to have a great working relationship, that you mean well with what you are about to say but that you noticed she touches you and that you prefer not to be touched. Boundaries have to be set or else the behavior will most likely continue. I know addressing issues as such is not an easy thing to do but sometimes necessary. All the best with the situation.