Yesterday a new gal in our department did the old friendly pat on the back that I HATE. Why do people think this is acceptable? I tried to shrink away a bit, but, these types are oblivious. And, you can't exactly say "I don't like casual touching, thanks anyways but don't do it again. "
Now I'm feeling a bit negative about this woman. I want to be friendly and welcoming to newcomers, which I have to her, but not if it encourages this type of thing.
Okay, how about something like this: "Hey, sorry, I'm a little uptight about being touched. I tried to overcome this phobia, but it just makes me feel so uncomfortable. Thanks, I guess everyone's different."
You don't need to apologize!!!
I had (and sometimes still do) have a difficult time with boundaries. Maybe it is because both sides of my family avoid conflict at all costs (and often to their cost) and it is difficult conditioning to shake. However, I learned about personal space in healthcare before I was an RN. After college, I worked per diem as a counselor in a locked psych facility with kids and adults. I learned very quickly to adopt a very firm and inflexible no hug policy. This made it much easier when I became an RN (not psych!) to extend that policy. Its usually patients that want to hug me, but I simply say some variation of "I don't do hugs".
You don't have to explain your boundaries to anyone. Ever.
I guess my conflict about this is, there are some people I am on occasional touching terms with. But this evolved over time. But, when someone gets familiar too quickly, it's intrusive and invasive of my bubble.
If I tell this gal 'no touching', then she sees me exchange an occasional touch with another coworker, it would make her feel disliked or left out.
I guess I feel like the touchy feelies devalue touching by doing it all the time. To me, it is more meaningful and not done lightly or indiscriminately. If you do it all the time, it isn't very special.
Then tell her that, next time it happens say "I'm not very touchy with people I don't know well, but hopefully we will get to that point" say it with a smile and it shouldn't hurt feelings.
buttercup9, ASN, BSN, MSN
62 Posts
You don't need to apologize!!!
I had (and sometimes still do) have a difficult time with boundaries. Maybe it is because both sides of my family avoid conflict at all costs (and often to their cost) and it is difficult conditioning to shake. However, I learned about personal space in healthcare before I was an RN. After college, I worked per diem as a counselor in a locked psych facility with kids and adults. I learned very quickly to adopt a very firm and inflexible no hug policy. This made it much easier when I became an RN (not psych!) to extend that policy. Its usually patients that want to hug me, but I simply say some variation of "I don't do hugs".
You don't have to explain your boundaries to anyone. Ever.