I work at a Retirement home and such as an RN. Love the job. But we have nosy co workers. I trust only a few people. So last week I bought a brand new car with all my hard earned money and pandemic pay. I told maybe 3 or 4 people about it.
I am 22 years young by the way
The day after this person a PSW, came up to me (she is always nosy not the first time shes up in my business), and said "I heard you got a brand new car" I am like who told you that, and shes like don't worry but is it true. I said yeah? Then she tells me well your last car was still good, I'm like I didn't like it so I gave it to my parents, then shes like well yeah because you don't pay rent, I don't get mad easily but I don't know why she thinks she can just go up to me and say that. I asked her why are you up in my business, shes like I'm not up in your business, I am telling you that you got a new car, and we kept going back and forth and I didn't like it. I started avoiding talking to her, thank God she does not work on my side of the floor.
It was her birthday this morning and they bought food and cake, and they all were eating in the Nursing station. Another PSW told me to go eat, and I refused to go celebrate her birthday with her. I don't want to associate myself with that person, nor do I feel comfortable talking to her because she keeps asking me questions. They were eating the food, and I was continuing doing my Wound care. Another Nurse told me that the PSW is going to report me for "bullying" her for not going to celebrate her birthday by eating the cake and food which I don't even want.
Anyways how can I deal with this in the future if she or if any other idiot tries to get in my business? While I do have a car, I'm not eager to show the world that I have valuable things in my life. The PSW even asked "You don't have a girlfriend? What do you do with all that money"? What in God's name does that have to do with you? In my 2 short years of working in healthcare, I am just shocked that someone would say/ask me those things. When I was in school, we were disciplined properly, everything was serious. We have a license, and if we get fired, we may get a record to the College of Nurses and it may be hard to find a job, whereas if the PSW gets fired there is no record and they can just look for another job.
Consider this an opportunity to develop some life skills. You can choose to be offended, or you can learn to deal with all kinds of people.
You know, I spent most of my life trying to learn "not to be offended" and "deal with all kinds of people" before I realized that I as a human being I have a right to feel offended when I am offended and quite some people from every walk of life are just rude nosy and gossipy nincompoops independently of their social and educational level and they have to be treated as such.
You do not have to be rude or bullish with anyone. You just need to learn how to dose your personal information and, if needed, quickly, painlessly and very clearly let this type of people know that the best option for them is to leave you alone NOW, whether they feel that they are immediately entitled to know everything and the size of your panties or not.
I did just that and it made my life incredibly better.
You know, I spent most of my life trying to learn "not to be offended" and "deal with all kinds of people" before I realized that I as a human being I have a right to feel offended when I am offended and quite some people from every walk of life are just rude nosy and gossipy nincompoops independently of their social and educational level and they have to be treated as such.
You do not have to be rude or bullish with anyone. You just need to learn how to dose your personal information and, if needed, quickly, painlessly and very clearly let this type of people know that the best option for them is to leave you alone NOW, whether they feel that they are immediately entitled to know everything and the size of your panties or not.
I did just that and it made my life incredibly better.
I respect that, and to me, "choose not to be offended" is not the same as "don't have boundaries" and "don't have feelings". Not saying that.
The OP is focusing a lot on the other, rude, person and might be better off focusing on his/her own communication skills and how to deal.
Rule #1 is that if you don't want anyone to know your business don't even tell one person your business. I understand that if I tell someone at work something, even if I presume it's in confidence, soon everyone will know.
Rule #2, you can't change anyone but yourself.
Also, you might not want to sweat the small stuff. We spend a lot of time with our coworkers. While asking a ton of personal questions isn't appropriate, is it really a big deal people know you have a new car? Getting a new car is a big event for some of us and when I got a new car, I was happy to share my good news, as well as when I travel or do other things. I certainly don't give away intimate details of my private life, but like I said if I do, I understand everyone will hear about it. But I do have to allow you your preferences. Some people aren't comfortable with small talk.
Bottom line is to set boundaries and ignore people, or just be honest and say "that's nothing you need to know". Eventually people will get the clue and leave you alone.
The OP is focusing a lot on the other, rude, person and might be better off focusing on his/her own communication skills and how to deal.
I heard that too - from the very people who, by some strange coincidence had "RN" after their names and who treated me like I was in gestapo. I've walked in the OP's shoes for years.
I am sorry to say it, but in my book the advice to concentrate on shortcomings in communication when the victim just discovered that nosing into her personal life and spreading gossips is not all right comes right close to blaming the victim. It is counterproductive. The OP RIGHT NOW needs a vent and some time to go through her boiled up feelings. She is offended and in acute stage of conflict. After she deals with it, she will be able to concentrate on her response, go through her communications and figure out what to do with that particular nursing assistant and with her other co-workers because there are so many variables in human behavior. But it will take time and will happen AFTER she is out of shock.
One can change not only yourself but others as well, if there are significant and sustained efforts applied at the right time and direction. I did it too - many times.
I heard that too - from the very people who, by some strange coincidence had "RN" after their names and who treated me like I was in gestapo. I've walked in the OP's shoes for years.
I am sorry to say it, but in my book the advice to concentrate on shortcomings in communication when the victim just discovered that nosing into her personal life and spreading gossips is not all right comes right close to blaming the victim. It is counterproductive. The OP RIGHT NOW needs a vent and some time to go through her boiled up feelings. She is offended and in acute stage of conflict. After she deals with it, she will be able to concentrate on her response, go through her communications and figure out what to do with that particular nursing assistant and with her other co-workers because there are so many variables in human behavior. But it will take time and will happen AFTER she is out of shock.
One can change not only yourself but others as well, if there are significant and sustained efforts applied at the right time and direction. I did it too - many times.
Thank you for sharing your point of view and your experience. I do think we want the same thing for the OP- to suffer less aggravation through improved coping skills...like you have.
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
On 6/22/2020 at 10:30 AM, KatieMI said:
The OP RIGHT NOW needs a vent and some time to go through her boiled up feelings. She is offended and in acute stage of conflict. After she deals with it, she will be able to concentrate on her response, go through her communications and figure out what to do with that particular nursing assistant and with her other co-workers because there are so many variables in human behavior. But it will take time and will happen AFTER she is out of shock.
Wise words, Katie and I thank you for them.
I sometimes forget that just because I have learned lessons on how to deal with others, that everybody should know. I have the advantage of 40 years on the OP plus the benefit of some past great Teachers of Love, Life, and the Cosmos.
At the age of 22, I would have had a similar reaction in a like situation.
Thanks. While I do think there is some truth-ness to what you said, I don't want to be the "Personal information Police" at work. Sometimes we do share things at work, and it should be safe to do so, but I do see what you're saying.
'Personal information Police'. I like that.
Too often folk forget the difference between 'being a friend' and 'being friendly'.
We work in a profession centered on human interactions. How would a coworker you aren't close to possibly know that you dislike friendly conversation? To me, someone you work with showing an interest in your life is not offensive. Many people spend more time at work than at home, and being in relationship with coworkers and enjoying the people around you can make that much more tolerable. If someone oversteps a boundary by asking about something you feel is private, like faith, relationships, or political views, there's no problem with kindly saying "You know, I'm a rather private person, so I don't like to discuss these things at work" and changing the subject.
She brought up a topic you'd discussed with other peers. I'm guessing your new car was in the work parking lot. I just can't wrap my head around being offended that someone acknowledged your accomplishment.
I think your reaction sounds immature, lacking in relational skills and defensive. Like I said, there is an appropriate way to redirect what you personally feel is a boundary crossing. Re-read your words, and I imagine you can see how your reaction could've improved. In fact, I think it was so over the top, that next time you see this person, it'd be good to say "Hey, last time we talked was kind of weird. I am a very private person, so I'm not really open to discussing my personal life at work, but I wanted to apologize for being so snappy. I was just caught off guard and prefer to focus on work-related topics at work."
Based on the wording and tone in your post, as well as your RN v PSW differentiation with an air of superiority, I'm inclined to believe that your attitude and aggressive manner are why your co-workers have considered reporting you for bullying. I doubt it has anything to do with your cake eating preferences.
Congratulations on the new car (if I'm allowed to say that).
You need to develop some thicker skin, girl! There was a brief moment at my work when somebody was making noise about me being spoiled. They’d just found out that I drive a fancy car. (My husband has a high-paying job, and we are savers, so the car was a present when I graduated nursing school.) I ignored it. It lasted all of a few minutes, and then everyone moved on. A car is just not that interesting of a topic. Unless you escalate it by getting into arguments about it, and “going back and forth” about it, and refusing to go to birthday parties. Just let it roll off your back— this was not worth more than thirty seconds of your mental energy.
Here’s how the conversation should have gone:
Her: I heard you got a new car...
You: Yep! I love it!
Her: Must be nice to have that much money. You: Silence
Her: I guess it must be nice to live with Mommy and not pay rent. You: (Shrug) Well, I need to go give these meds now. See you at lunch!
KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN
1 Article; 2,675 Posts
You know, I spent most of my life trying to learn "not to be offended" and "deal with all kinds of people" before I realized that I as a human being I have a right to feel offended when I am offended and quite some people from every walk of life are just rude nosy and gossipy nincompoops independently of their social and educational level and they have to be treated as such.
You do not have to be rude or bullish with anyone. You just need to learn how to dose your personal information and, if needed, quickly, painlessly and very clearly let this type of people know that the best option for them is to leave you alone NOW, whether they feel that they are immediately entitled to know everything and the size of your panties or not.
I did just that and it made my life incredibly better.