How to deal with Nosy Co-Workers?

Nurses General Nursing

Updated:   Published

I work at a Retirement home and such as an RN. Love the job. But we have nosy co workers. I trust only a few people. So last week I bought a brand new car with all my hard earned money and pandemic pay. I told maybe 3 or 4 people about it.

I am 22 years young by the way

The day after this person a PSW, came up to me (she is always nosy not the first time shes up in my business), and said "I heard you got a brand new car" I am like who told you that, and shes like don't worry but is it true. I said yeah? Then she tells me well your last car was still good, I'm like I didn't like it so I gave it to my parents, then shes like well yeah because you don't pay rent, I don't get mad easily but I don't know why she thinks she can just go up to me and say that. I asked her why are you up in my business, shes like I'm not up in your business, I am telling you that you got a new car, and we kept going back and forth and I didn't like it. I started avoiding talking to her, thank God she does not work on my side of the floor.

It was her birthday this morning and they bought food and cake, and they all were eating in the Nursing station. Another PSW told me to go eat, and I refused to go celebrate her birthday with her. I don't want to associate myself with that person, nor do I feel comfortable talking to her because she keeps asking me questions. They were eating the food, and I was continuing doing my Wound care. Another Nurse told me that the PSW is going to report me for "bullying" her for not going to celebrate her birthday by eating the cake and food which I don't even want.

Anyways how can I deal with this in the future if she or if any other idiot tries to get in my business? While I do have a car, I'm not eager to show the world that I have valuable things in my life. The PSW even asked "You don't have a girlfriend? What do you do with all that money"? What in God's name does that have to do with you? In my 2 short years of working in healthcare, I am just shocked that someone would say/ask me those things. When I was in school, we were disciplined properly, everything was serious. We have a license, and if we get fired, we may get a record to the College of Nurses and it may be hard to find a job, whereas if the PSW gets fired there is no record and they can just look for another job.

This reads like a diary entry.......I mean really. Seems like you have some maturing to do. Welcome to nursing.

2 Votes

This looks like a plot from a junior high school sitcom.

Whatever you tell someone, assume they tell everyone else. If you felt it was some kind of secret that you had a new car, then you told "3 or 4 people" too many. If you would rather people not ask about your personal life, a simple "I'm sorry, I don't feel much like talking right now" and going about your business should suffice. If anything, someone thinking you are suffering some kind of personal tragedy that you can't discuss might get you a bit of quiet time!

Me, when faced with a Nosy Nancy usually just smile and turn back to my work, until Nancy realizes the conversation is over. I have a great relationship with colleagues; they just don't pry. And if I DO share something, they listen up ?

The birthday cake thing was a little silly IMO. Eat the cake, be part of the positive aspects of the environment, you all have to work there. You may earn some privacy in the end but it's because you're being avoided like the plague if you're "that" person. Life is short, leave the pettiness behind.

6 Votes

In light of all that has been said, I am glad that the OP made wound care a priority over eating birthday cake and wasting valuable patient care time (no matter whose birthday).

9 Votes
Specializes in retired LTC.

"Two people can keep a secret, if one of them is DEAD". - Benjamin Franklin

Very wise!

6 Votes
Specializes in Quality Control,Long Term Care, Psych, UM, CM.

I'm a bit late to this, and my opinion may be a bit unpopular, but here goes...

OP, I became an RN in my early 20s as well and have been working in general since age 14. I'm middle aged now so I've been in the workforce for awhile. Please consider what I'm saying here as I've learned all of this the hard way.

I know you want to be liked at work, we all do. But remember, no one at work is your friend. You are there to do a job and that's it. Unless you're already friends with another coworker outside of work, there's no need to tell anyone anything. Your coworkers shouldn't know if you live with your parents or not. It's just not their business.

When you're at work, just give enough to be not considered rude, but not enough for nosiness No one has any right to know anything about your personal life. Here are some examples that I wished I used years ago....

Nosy coworkers: "What did you do this weekend?"

You: "nothing much, just stayed in and relaxed." Even if you went on a trip around the world, always tell your coworkers nothing.

Nosy coworker: "Where are you going on your vacation?"

You: "Nowhere, I'm just taking this time to relax and recharge." Even if not true, just say that.

Nosy coworker: "WOW!, I see you got a new car. How did you do that?"

You: "Yes, I got a new car and I love it" No further comments and avoid any attempts at engaging you further.

If my coworkers wish to tell me personal things, I'll listen and never repeat it to anyone. But I won't ever again share anything beyond the fact that I'm married and have kids to my coworkers. They don't even know I'm in college right now for an advanced degree. It's just not their business.

When you're at work, only share the same info that you would share with a stranger on the street. Like I said above, no one at work is your friend, no matter if the field is nursing or anything else.

Here's a personal story for you to show you how important it is to keep everything private, even innocent things..

I bought a house about 4 years ago. I made the mistake of mentioning it to a few coworkers because I was so excited to finally be a homeowner. They looked up my address on zillow and was emailing the info to others, including how much my house cost (they found the address thru the employee info page). They were making comments to me about how huge my house is and giving me unsolicited advice on how I should fix it up. I was pissed. Like, why do (general) you care about where I live or how much my home cost? They were saying I must be married to a very wealthy man (we're not wealthy, we just manage our money well).

I know it's difficult when you're younger to know what should be said to coworkers and what should be kept private. I struggled with that for awhile when I was younger. But remember, just give enough to be considered a great team player but not enough for people to talk about and be in your business about.

6 Votes
Specializes in retired LTC.

Dani - re your new home story, all I can say is 'WOW!! Some ballsy folk out there!'

1 Votes
Specializes in Quality Control,Long Term Care, Psych, UM, CM.
11 minutes ago, amoLucia said:

Dani - re your new home story, all I can say is 'WOW! Some ballsy folk out there!'

I was floored by that. Even my boss and her boss were in on it. Asking me how much we put down, what's our mortgage, how many bedrooms and where do all our kids sleep. My friends don't even ask me how much my mortgage is. One person even asked me where my husband works and what does he do for a living because they were trying to figure out how we were able to get that house. My boss was asking what type of vehicles we have. Why would anyone I work with even care? I just don't understand people and that pissed me off beyond words. The best thing, imo, is to try to stay very private at work, but still try to remain friendly enough to be well liked. Even very innocent things like buying a house or car is enough fuel for nosy people

3 Votes
Specializes in Oceanfront Living.
6 minutes ago, DaniannaRN said:

My friends don't even ask me how much my mortgage is.

Obviously, your friends have better manners than your coworkers. WOW!. You can choose your friends but not your......

2 Votes
Specializes in school nurse.
On 6/24/2020 at 10:36 AM, caliotter3 said:

In light of all that has been said, I am glad that the OP made wound care a priority over eating birthday cake and wasting valuable patient care time (no matter whose birthday).

Ah, but those birthday cake times may be the only time you get a legit break...

Really????? We don’t even get a chance to pee! So if there is some birthday cake. I’m getting some!

1 Votes
Specializes in school nurse.
1 hour ago, xanderx said:

Really????? We don’t even get a chance to pee! So if there is some birthday cake. I’m getting some!

"And what did you get for your birthday?" "I got to pee during work hours!!"

4 Votes
Specializes in Med-Surg, Developmental Disorders.

Just laugh it off! Gossipy coworkers are the only types of difficult co-workers I can deal with. All other types of difficult coworkers- the lazy, the incompetent, the abusive... Just fire them. But the gossipy? Let me tell you a story of when I was a new nurse.

On Friday, March 28, 2014, I was working in a SNF/LTC (colloquially known as a nursing home). Back then, my hair was longer, and I always kept it in a bun while working. I was filling in on a 2-10 shift when a med aide randomly walked up to me.

I was fairly new, but even then, I was aware that this med aide had a big mouth. We were standing near the nurses station, so the DON, the ADON, a CNA, and the other nurse were within earshot. Anyway, the med aide asked me "Are you really Amish?" I'm not Amish. No offense to any Amish people, but that was a completely random question.

However, I quickly rallied (looking back, me and this med aide BOTH kind of had a reputation for having a big mouth). I told her that yes, I was Amish, and that I was looking forward to being off tomorrow, since March 29 is Amish Appreciation Day. It is celebrated exactly one month after February 29 every year, except for leap years, because, to the Amish, Leap Year is a fasting year.

The med aide, the other nurse, the DON, the ADON, and the CNA did not realize I was joking until I started laughing. I was told that there were rumors that I was Amish, because I always wore my hair in a bun.

As fate would have it, the normal weekend nurse called off sick at the last minute the next day, so I filled in for her.

The Amish joke lived on throughout my tenure. Whenever I worked the nigh shift and made 24 hour reports for the next day (basically, writing all the patient names on a new blank page), I always scribbled in "Amish Appreciation Day" in the margin for pages dated March 29. And somehow, I always seemed to be working on March 29 all 3 years I was there.

1 Votes
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