How to deal with Nosy Co-Workers?

[Convoy2022_TrumpSupporter]

I work at a Retirement home and such as an RN. Love the job. But we have nosy co workers. I trust only a few people. So last week I bought a brand new car with all my hard earned money and pandemic pay. I told maybe 3 or 4 people about it.

I am 22 years young by the way

The day after this person a PSW, came up to me (she is always nosy not the first time shes up in my business), and said "I heard you got a brand new car" I am like who told you that, and shes like don't worry but is it true. I said yeah? Then she tells me well your last car was still good, I'm like I didn't like it so I gave it to my parents, then shes like well yeah because you don't pay rent, I don't get mad easily but I don't know why she thinks she can just go up to me and say that. I asked her why are you up in my business, shes like I'm not up in your business, I am telling you that you got a new car, and we kept going back and forth and I didn't like it. I started avoiding talking to her, thank God she does not work on my side of the floor.

It was her birthday this morning and they bought food and cake, and they all were eating in the Nursing station. Another PSW told me to go eat, and I refused to go celebrate her birthday with her. I don't want to associate myself with that person, nor do I feel comfortable talking to her because she keeps asking me questions. They were eating the food, and I was continuing doing my Wound care. Another Nurse told me that the PSW is going to report me for "bullying" her for not going to celebrate her birthday by eating the cake and food which I don't even want.

Anyways how can I deal with this in the future if she or if any other idiot tries to get in my business? While I do have a car, I'm not eager to show the world that I have valuable things in my life. The PSW even asked "You don't have a girlfriend? What do you do with all that money"? What in God's name does that have to do with you? In my 2 short years of working in healthcare, I am just shocked that someone would say/ask me those things. When I was in school, we were disciplined properly, everything was serious. We have a license, and if we get fired, we may get a record to the College of Nurses and it may be hard to find a job, whereas if the PSW gets fired there is no record and they can just look for another job.

[amoLucia]

sideshow - very interesting story. I'm guessing it's true re Amish Apprec Day. Such stuff one learns here! Always enjoyable. TY for sharing.

[sideshowstarlet, BSN, RN]

21 minutes ago, amoLucia said:

sideshow - very interesting story. I'm guessing it's true re Amish Apprec Day. Such stuff one learns here! Always enjoyable. TY for sharing.

LOL- That is a true story. Amish Appreciation Day, sadly, is not a real holiday.

[amoLucia]

Oh, the disappointment! Am crestfallen!. It SOUNDS like it really should be on the calendar.

(I'm such a believing soul.)

[KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN]

5 hours ago, DaniannaRN said:

I'm a bit late to this, and my opinion may be a bit unpopular, but here goes...

OP, I became an RN in my early 20s as well and have been working in general since age 14. I'm middle aged now so I've been in the workforce for awhile. Please consider what I'm saying here as I've learned all of this the hard way.

I know you want to be liked at work, we all do. But remember, no one at work is your friend. You are there to do a job and that's it. Unless you're already friends with another coworker outside of work, there's no need to tell anyone anything. Your coworkers shouldn't know if you live with your parents or not. It's just not their business.

When you're at work, just give enough to be not considered rude, but not enough for nosiness No one has any right to know anything about your personal life. Here are some examples that I wished I used years ago....

Nosy coworkers: "What did you do this weekend?"

You: "nothing much, just stayed in and relaxed." Even if you went on a trip around the world, always tell your coworkers nothing.

Nosy coworker: "Where are you going on your vacation?"

You: "Nowhere, I'm just taking this time to relax and recharge." Even if not true, just say that.

Nosy coworker: "WOW!!, I see you got a new car. How did you do that?"

You: "Yes, I got a new car and I love it" No further comments and avoid any attempts at engaging you further.

If my coworkers wish to tell me personal things, I'll listen and never repeat it to anyone. But I won't ever again share anything beyond the fact that I'm married and have kids to my coworkers. They don't even know I'm in college right now for an advanced degree. It's just not their business.

When you're at work, only share the same info that you would share with a stranger on the street. Like I said above, no one at work is your friend, no matter if the field is nursing or anything else.

Here's a personal story for you to show you how important it is to keep everything private, even innocent things..

I bought a house about 4 years ago. I made the mistake of mentioning it to a few coworkers because I was so excited to finally be a homeowner. They looked up my address on zillow and was emailing the info to others, including how much my house cost (they found the address thru the employee info page). They were making comments to me about how huge my house is and giving me unsolicited advice on how I should fix it up. I was pissed. Like, why do (general) you care about where I live or how much my home cost? They were saying I must be married to a very wealthy man (we're not wealthy, we just manage our money well).

I know it's difficult when you're younger to know what should be said to coworkers and what should be kept private. I struggled with that for awhile when I was younger. But remember, just give enough to be considered a great team player but not enough for people to talk about and be in your business about.

This is precisely what happened with me too. One nurse knew my history of immigration, where I am from, that I cannot go back even if I wished, etc. She also knew the city I lived because she wanted to transfer her kid to that city's school district which is still very selective. The patient was so happy with my care that he wanted me to meet his family "so they would know how great nurse practitioner can be". I met them, they got to know my first and last name. That nurse let them know where I lived and the school my daughter attended because "they were clients and just wanted to know it, and I was not comfortable to say "no" because it would be customer service issue". The area had many historical buildings and the registry was published online free for everyone to look at, complete with the names and occupations of the owners. Even if that were not so, the manager happily provided them with my cell number "because they say they wanted to have it and it would be a customer service issue if I refused". The lookup would take seconds.

In a few days, my daughter found an obscene anti-immigrant note pinned to our garage door. She was in that teenage stage of being awfully sensitive to everything. It took two weeks of our concerted efforts as parents plus our blessed neighbors and two consultants to drag her out of the house to somewhere, plus one killed vacation.

The hospital investigation came to nothing because "nurses were acting as customer service advocates".

It was a big push for me to look for another job, which I found soon enough and so far much happier with.

[peachtreednurse, RN]

Of course a 22 year old is capable of making a new car purchase; you are living proof of that fact. However it seems you are less than adept at communication with the notoriously intrusive gossip-hogs who never seem to get enough to satisfy their insane appetites. The unrivaled, less principled few that appear among us and look to get the scoop on any tidbit of information that catches their notice.

How you deal with these individuals is in my humble opinion, in no way comparable to your reported exchange. Think.. if they can only gather what is put out there for public consumption, keep particulars of your life from conversations. No matter how direct or pointed a question; there is no obligation for to supply an answer.

As pertinent would be some self-reflection as to the reason for the inflammatory response this elicited, and if additional input may prove helpful

[CupcakeWHNP-BC, BSN, MSN, NP]

Great comments! I also think some people are nosy, as well as, just can’t stand to see someone else “doing better than them”! They have in their minds they need to benchmark themselves with others and ask “well how did he afford this and we work the same position? He’s so young!” Or “how did she finish getting her BSNand MSN-WHNP-BC and she’s a single mom?” And they compare themselves to you and your situation and “feel bad” about themselves; and now they try to compensate for that ill feeling by being nosy, or bringing you down, call you names like a “bully“, report you, spread roomers etc in an attempt to make themselves feel better! The same thing goes on on social media. Keep your personal life very limited or keep it to yourself all together! Never post info about your relationships, money, or anything major like this online or at the work place. Good luck.

[Katillac, RN]

Here are my two favorite ways of responding in these situations, when someone doesn't get polite hints that I am not sharing personal information.

1) When asked something you don't want to get into, get a super quizzical look on your face and say, "Hmmmm. . . " as if you are pondering something. Then after a few seconds smile VERY brightly, and cheerfully say, "Nope. I don't have anything to say about that. But how are you?"

2) With an equally blinding smile, ask, "What makes you ask?" Whatever they respond with, you reply, "Ohhhh, I see," and then change the subject. If they persist, see #1.

[Samarle]

I've had similar experiences. Unfortunately in this industry you have to look out for yourself. I heard that you can keep a record of everything this person says and does to you and make it a legal document. Speak to your superior about the issue and if nothing changes, file a lawsuit. Even if you don't want to ultimately go the lawsuit route the moment they hear you've got evidence and a lawyer it will add some weight to your words.

[Royalq]

I have a nosy coworker. He’s nice but he’s unusually interested in me and my life. But he’s younger than me so I straight up tell him “none of your business” or “ its personal”, or “why are you so nosy”. He usually gets flustered and backs off. And I stand by my actions. If I were you and she came up to me and questioned me about my car I would have simply said “yes and what about it? Yes I don't pay rent and I wanted a new car. Whats the problem?”. Im direct with people who are pushy and nosy because they bank on making people uncomfortable and getting what they want. So when you are just as direct right back they often get flustered

[athey1999]

My department tends to be very gossipy also. I stay out of all of it. I don't tell anyone anything personal. If you don't want it known, keep it to yourself.

[Chickenlady]

I just say lightly "Oh, I don't talk about that at work, sorry!"

[Sue Demonas, BSN, MSN, PhD, RN]

When someone asks a nosy question that I don't wish to answer, I have two standard responses:

1. "Why do you ask?" -or-

2. "Why do you want to know?"

It puts the "asker" immediately on the defensive and usually shuts them down. Once someone hears that response a few times, they stop asking.