How do you deal with an ignorant co-worker? Humble me with your advice, nurses!

prettymica, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN, APRN, NP · Sep 2, 2011

Weird.. you get along with everyone but you knew you would NOT get along with her. So would you appreciate if she was flat out rude and b*itchy?? Then what would you have to complain about. And if she is smiling at you.. to me that would not be someone that is uncomfortable with life :)

79Tango · Sep 2, 2011

I can totally see why someone would be "uneasy" around you.. I was uneasy just reading your post. For a minute I thought you were going down the 'ol "they hate me because Im cute" route but you changed it up and pulled the "Race Card" with a little gay bash on the side.. Nice touch.

Please remember you are there for the patients & be happy in the fact that you have a nicer washing machine! That poor soul has to use the same equipment at work & home-yuck! She might even be stuck with the same coffee maker--Eeeek!

StrwbryblndRN · Sep 2, 2011

Thank you Horseshoe. That was well put.

linearthinker, DNP, RN · Sep 2, 2011

I read your post a little less hypercritically then some, which is rare for me, lol. Anyway, I do think you may be projecting and I think you should just be pleasant and collegial and ignore the (perceived) patronization.

Even if you are right, and she has all these negative feelings about you, the only way to change them is by proving yourself to her with actions over time. If you are cooperative, dependable and amenable, she will discover that along the way. There isn't any conversation you can have that is going to make that happen overnight.

In other words, suck it up and get along. Stop worrying about her and I think the problem will be self limiting. Good luck.

lhomesrn · Sep 2, 2011

I went back to my old job (from 3 years ago). I'm almost finished with nursing school and my old boss was so nice and flexible with my hours. It's one of those weird premonitions but the minute I saw this person, I knew we weren't going to get along. I wasn't being judgmental or negative; I just felt it. When I met her (as she went to get my boss), she had a pokerface, was checking me out, slouches body language, walks slow, and is very soft spoken and quiet. My impression of her was that she didn't seem to be comfortable with herself or her life...she just read "uncomfortable". Anyhoo, I forgot about it... until I saw her on my shift. I'm someone who gets along with everyone, even if we have different personalities or background. I think people expect me to be the "cute obedient, spineless asian girl" which is not true. I'm not the short person with Napoleon complex either. So, when people's expectations (of me) aren't met, it creates some drama.Yes, I'm a nursing student and may possibly know more than my co-workers but I'm not one to boss people or show off what I know. I respected the people I come to work with because I respect their work as I'm still a "novice" coming back into this job.
She seemed nice but would just look so awkward and when she would be looking at me, it's as if a little girl saw a gay couple for the first time - just trying to scrutinize me. As I said, she's very soft spoken and quiet (just from my observations). The way she treats me is so ignorant and really irritates me. I really don't mind at all when people tell me how to do certain things but the way she does it is not cool. I still remember how to take care of certain residents but it's been a while. HOWEVER, on the third day, she was "babying" me and "teaching me" how to make COFFEE?! Are you serious?! She was talking to me as if I was stupid, born yesterday, or literally just got off the boat from China. "You put as many cups of coffee with as cups of water." SERIOUSLY!? Also, when i was doing laundry, she again was doing the same thing and said that she "had the same laundry machine model" so she knew. You wanna know what's funny? The laundry machine I have at home is a bit more advanced than the one I have at work. Also, we have a resident who doesn't communicate but was clearly in pain and agitated. After talking w. the nurses, I knew it was related to medical. She thought putting him up in bed was the solution. This guy is clearly violent and she wants to touch him. I suggested that maybe it would be good to let him calm down and she shouldn't do it and she was OFFENDED that I even had an opinion. I wanted to confront and address is it on the spot on both occasions but I'm SLOW - it doesn't hit me until later & when I'm being blunt, I tend to be rude so I give myself time for it to "hit" me, then I attack. I avoided and ignored her the whole day but she tried getting my attention by smiling at me. I sensed her uneasiness around me. Part of me wants to let it go but part of me wants to address it now because I'm not letting her build her ego by tearing mines down. Who cares if she thinks I'm a *****... What is this chick's problem and what should I do?
HUMBLE ME NURSES! I know there's gonna be cases like this in my nursing career but I gotta learn and deal with this bravely now.

Hi, It is hard sometimes. So many different personalities working together. Many of us come from such different up bringings. You sound frustrated. I once worked with an oncology nurse that was very cool and focused. It was hard to be around sometimes, but I knew how good she was as a nurse and that is all that mattered. Ironically, she became my boss. I dreded it, but she changed. She was much warmer and caring. Sometimes people are just trying to do there job without offending. As you will find out, a good nurse is focused. Many new nurses have idealistic ideas and that is good too. I like to ask them questions because they have the information fresh in their minds. A good nurse is not afraid to ask when they don't know something. If she is treating you like a child, ignore it and remember that you may work with her for years. I know it is hard, it is hard for me too. It is always easier to sit back and tell someone else than it is to have going on in your life. She may feel you are judging her too. Give it time. I can't express that enough. Not everyone will be your friend, but you have to be able to work with them too. Try asking her a question about something that you really don't know. It may break the ice. Either way, remember that she is trying to focus and it may come across to you as rude. Good luck!

pedicurn, LPN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

I read your post a little less hypercritically then some, which is rare for me, lol. Anyway, I do think you may be projecting and I think you should just be pleasant and collegial and ignore the (perceived) patronization.
Even if you are right, and she has all these negative feelings about you, the only way to change them is by proving yourself to her with actions over time. If you are cooperative, dependable and amenable, she will discover that along the way. There isn't any conversation you can have that is going to make that happen overnight.
In other words, suck it up and get along. Stop worrying about her and I think the problem will be self limiting. Good luck.

Good advice from linear.

Re the perceived patronization - is that what you thought was ignorant ???

Giving you the benefit of the doubt here ....maybe you are right. How to deal with these sorts of coworkers?

I have been a nurse for long time and dealing with ignorant types doesn't get any easier. In fact I now find it harder to hide my real views.

I work with women whose behaviour hasn't developed beyond the catty 12 yr old stage. This is very ignorant behaviour no matter how you want to slice it.

Unfortunately social ignorance is a feature with some of our 'professionals'.

Calling it such is totally unhelpful and can get you into much trouble.

Instead look for specific actions pertaining to work culture that directly relate to policy - can take a while. This way they get punished (hopefully) and you don't get into strife for mentioning the elephant in the room.

yousoldtheworld · Sep 2, 2011

Maybe I missed something, but all I'm reading in your post is that you made a snap judgement on someone at first glance, and then got annoyed when they tried to teach you things you might need to know on your unit, and equally annoyed when they tried to be friendly to you. What exactly do you want us to say?

If you find her looking at you and "scrutinizing" you, maybe she's trying to figure out why you seem to dislike her so much already?

eagle78 · Sep 2, 2011

Welll, I used to think I could read people, back in my early twenties when I was still wet behind the ears. That attitude, taking it to the working world with me. If a person was not willing to pull their load I thought they were useless... and once I got that perspective of them I saw no point in pleasantries. :uhoh3:

During that time an older person who was a friend of mines (probably saw the hole I was digging for myself) took me aside and said: "never judge a person on sights and think what they will or will not do. Give them enough space to show you what they have to offer to the situation and then, THEN, go from there."

Well I grew up, and over the years I found that he was so very right. Not only was I rude, most of the time my so called "reading" of the person tended to be totally incorrect. :rolleyes: By the grace of God, no one who I did that with ever held it against me, now it could be that they just thought I was dropped on my head when I was a baby, maybe. Inspite of my flaws they saw the good in me.

So I say, none of us are perfect. But when you read things into people you are setting yourself up for an unnecessary battle. It may even only be a battle in your mind. Give her time, let HER show you what she is about and what she has to offer the professional relationship. Just a thought.. :smokin:

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

I think this thread would fit perfectly on our "Your One Stop..." thread. Just sayin.

cherrybreeze, ADN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

I went back to my old job (from 3 years ago). I'm almost finished with nursing school and my old boss was so nice and flexible with my hours. It's one of those weird premonitions but the minute I saw this person, I knew we weren't going to get along. I wasn't being judgmental or negative; I just felt it. When I met her (as she went to get my boss), she had a pokerface, was checking me out, slouches body language, walks slow, and is very soft spoken and quiet. My impression of her was that she didn't seem to be comfortable with herself or her life...she just read "uncomfortable". Anyhoo, I forgot about it... until I saw her on my shift. I'm someone who gets along with everyone, even if we have different personalities or background. I think people expect me to be the "cute obedient, spineless asian girl" which is not true. I'm not the short person with Napoleon complex either. So, when people's expectations (of me) aren't met, it creates some drama.Yes, I'm a nursing student and may possibly know more than my co-workers but I'm not one to boss people or show off what I know. I respected the people I come to work with because I respect their work as I'm still a "novice" coming back into this job.
She seemed nice but would just look so awkward and when she would be looking at me, it's as if a little girl saw a gay couple for the first time - just trying to scrutinize me. As I said, she's very soft spoken and quiet (just from my observations). The way she treats me is so ignorant and really irritates me. I really don't mind at all when people tell me how to do certain things but the way she does it is not cool. I still remember how to take care of certain residents but it's been a while. HOWEVER, on the third day, she was "babying" me and "teaching me" how to make COFFEE?! Are you serious?! She was talking to me as if I was stupid, born yesterday, or literally just got off the boat from China. "You put as many cups of coffee with as cups of water." SERIOUSLY!? Also, when i was doing laundry, she again was doing the same thing and said that she "had the same laundry machine model" so she knew. You wanna know what's funny? The laundry machine I have at home is a bit more advanced than the one I have at work. Also, we have a resident who doesn't communicate but was clearly in pain and agitated. After talking w. the nurses, I knew it was related to medical. She thought putting him up in bed was the solution. This guy is clearly violent and she wants to touch him. I suggested that maybe it would be good to let him calm down and she shouldn't do it and she was OFFENDED that I even had an opinion. I wanted to confront and address is it on the spot on both occasions but I'm SLOW - it doesn't hit me until later & when I'm being blunt, I tend to be rude so I give myself time for it to "hit" me, then I attack. I avoided and ignored her the whole day but she tried getting my attention by smiling at me. I sensed her uneasiness around me. Part of me wants to let it go but part of me wants to address it now because I'm not letting her build her ego by tearing mines down. Who cares if she thinks I'm a *****... What is this chick's problem and what should I do?
HUMBLE ME NURSES! I know there's gonna be cases like this in my nursing career but I gotta learn and deal with this bravely now.

First bolded statement: these are not "other peoples' expectations of you"....these are YOUR expectations of other peoples' expectations of you. See the difference? You assume that's how everyone sees you, and it probably couldn't be further from the truth.

Second bolded statement: You mean that ***** had the nerve to SMILE at you, when you were working so hard to ignore and avoid her? Shame on her. :rolleyes: I just HATE friendly gestures like smiling.

nohika · Sep 2, 2011

I really could have a field day analyzing your post with all the theories I've learned in class, but I have homework to do.

Also...I would be tripping over my feet to thank someone telling me how to work the coffee machine. I've never owned one or ever used one before. All washing machines are different and some have stupid quirks.

Shut your mouth up and learn what this woman has to teach you. You may be surprised.

And definitely, as a nursing student...you don't know more than the nurses.

pedicurn, LPN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

I really could have a field day analyzing your post with all the theories I've learned in class, but I have homework to do.
Also...I would be tripping over my feet to thank someone telling me how to work the coffee machine. I've never owned one or ever used one before. All washing machines are different and some have stupid quirks.
Shut your mouth up and learn what this woman has to teach you. You may be surprised.
And definitely, as a nursing student...you don't know more than the nurses.

This is inappropriate.

Can you think of a different way of saying that?

How should an educated professional say 'shut your mouth up' ??????