How do you deal with an ignorant co-worker? Humble me with your advice, nurses!

diligent-trooper · Sep 2, 2011

I do not know the individual you are writing about, so your post is pointless.

MassED, BSN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

it all sounds like judgments are being made based on "looks, appearances, glances, etc" - perhaps you are the one with the judgment? It all sounds trivial to me. Who really cares if someone that has been there longer than you (you did leave and then came back) tries to show you the ropes? So what if she tells you something you might already know, take it in stride and say politely, "good to know that some things here haven't changed too much."

Being kind and polite go a long way. You may not "like" her just by appearances, but you're being a bit harsh. Maturity takes a while and being in a professional with the majority of women can be a challenge, but remember, we are a team. Try to stick together. Many times, if you make the first step to friendship/courtesy/kindness, you just MIGHT come to find out that you actually like this person.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

Wow, seems like you are projecting a whole lot of thoughts/feelings onto this total stranger. You "knew immediately" that you wouldn't get along. That's seems patently unfair of you to make such a snap judgment of someone whom you've literally just met.

And "the way she treats me is so ignorant..." what in the world does that actually mean?

"Who cares if she thinks I'm a b*tch... What is this chick's problem and what should I do?" Perhaps she is thinking the same thing?

Lynx25, LPN · Sep 2, 2011

I don't really see what she's done wrong.

I'm sure she doesn't mean to belittle you when she teaches you. Just keep an open mind.

MassED, BSN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

aaah, if someone told me that with age and experience come maturity, I would have been so offended... in hindsight, it's so true.

Life is so much easier when you don't create problems that aren't there. Work, actual WORK, is already there for the taking, why create more work with drama? I mean, really. I have never been one for drama, even in high school, so I guess that just sticks with you. It's so stupid and a waste of time and energy. Move on!

mazy · Sep 2, 2011

I went back to my old job (from 3 years ago). I'm almost finished with nursing school and my old boss was so nice and flexible with my hours. It's one of those weird premonitions but the minute I saw this person, I knew we weren't going to get along. I wasn't being judgmental or negative; I just felt it. When I met her (as she went to get my boss), she had a pokerface, was checking me out, slouches body language, walks slow, and is very soft spoken and quiet. My impression of her was that she didn't seem to be comfortable with herself or her life...she just read "uncomfortable". Anyhoo, I forgot about it... until I saw her on my shift. I'm someone who gets along with everyone, even if we have different personalities or background. I think people expect me to be the "cute obedient, spineless asian girl" which is not true. I'm not the short person with Napoleon complex either. So, when people's expectations (of me) aren't met, it creates some drama.Yes, I'm a nursing student and may possibly know more than my co-workers but I'm not one to boss people or show off what I know. I respected the people I come to work with because I respect their work as I'm still a "novice" coming back into this job.
She seemed nice but would just look so awkward and when she would be looking at me, it's as if a little girl saw a gay couple for the first time - just trying to scrutinize me. As I said, she's very soft spoken and quiet (just from my observations). The way she treats me is so ignorant and really irritates me. I really don't mind at all when people tell me how to do certain things but the way she does it is not cool. I still remember how to take care of certain residents but it's been a while. HOWEVER, on the third day, she was "babying" me and "teaching me" how to make COFFEE?! Are you serious?! She was talking to me as if I was stupid, born yesterday, or literally just got off the boat from China. "You put as many cups of coffee with as cups of water." SERIOUSLY!? Also, when i was doing laundry, she again was doing the same thing and said that she "had the same laundry machine model" so she knew. You wanna know what's funny? The laundry machine I have at home is a bit more advanced than the one I have at work. Also, we have a resident who doesn't communicate but was clearly in pain and agitated. After talking w. the nurses, I knew it was related to medical. She thought putting him up in bed was the solution. This guy is clearly violent and she wants to touch him. I suggested that maybe it would be good to let him calm down and she shouldn't do it and she was OFFENDED that I even had an opinion. I wanted to confront and address is it on the spot on both occasions but I'm SLOW - it doesn't hit me until later & when I'm being blunt, I tend to be rude so I give myself time for it to "hit" me, then I attack. I avoided and ignored her the whole day but she tried getting my attention by smiling at me. I sensed her uneasiness around me. Part of me wants to let it go but part of me wants to address it now because I'm not letting her build her ego by tearing mines down. Who cares if she thinks I'm a *****... What is this chick's problem and what should I do?
It's a good thing you don't need to show off that you know more than everyone.
Obviously there is something wrong with her if she is soft spoken and quiet. Obviously she has some sort of agenda towards you and does nothing but think about you every second of her life because of that.
Thankfully you are not rude and do not want to create drama because, that would be rude and you might attack.
Obviously her "unease" around you had to do with her personality (soft spoken and quiet) and nothing to do with your tendency to be blunt, rude, and attack.
God forbid she should smile at you, obviously the best thing to do is ignore her.
How rude of her to show you how to make coffee. I would have appreciated it, becuse even though I am an "experienced nurse" I make the worst coffee in the world and everyone I meet tries to teach me how to make it, to no avail. But thankfully I do take it as an insult when they do it. Otherwise they would think they know more about nursing than me and that would create a lot of drama.
What the flippity flop are you talking about with the washing machine?
How fantastic that even though you are a CNA on orientation in that facility you have the medical expertise to figure out the best way to deal with a patient, even though you know nothing about that patient.
Good luck to you with your future endeavors.
Also, since you are so knowledgable and wise about nursing, why do you keep posting on this forum asking for advice about your medical problems? Shouldn't you know already what to do?

xtxrn, ASN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

Something on Dr. Phil one time seems to fit....

People have much more to think about than what I'm about. (paraphrase) Most people don't give you a second thought. They honestly don't care- so you may be projecting what you think SHE thinks because it's what YOU think :) She might be thinking about getting to the store after work, a dying relative, getting her roof fixed, how she's going to pay for her kid's college tuition, etc...

We wouldn't think about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do :) (that's closer to what Dr. Phil said- ages ago, but still holds true).

Give it up. :up:

leslie :-D · Sep 2, 2011

i'm sorry op, but i got the impression that you were the one with the attitude.

other than that, i'm still wondering what this person did that made anything offensive?

my opinion?

choose your battles wisely.

we all need to get along, esp at work.

just be civil, you needn't be best friends. :twocents:

leslie

tainted1972, ASN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

[quote I tend to be rude so I give myself time for it to "hit" me, then I attack. I avoided and ignored her the whole day but she tried getting my attention by smiling at me. I sensed her uneasiness around me. Part of me wants to let it go but part of me wants to address it now because I'm not letting her build her ego by tearing mines down. Who cares if she thinks I'm a *****... What is this chick's problem and what should I do?

Wow, this says it all really.

You did not give any decent examples of how your coworker is behaving in an "ignorant" way.

So she taught you how to work a washing machine and make coffee, and disagreed on how you should handle a patient.

Here is what you do, smile and say thank you... thats it.

Poi Dog · Sep 2, 2011

She seemed nice but would just look so awkward and when she would be looking at me, it's as if a little girl saw a gay couple for the first time - just trying to scrutinize me.

I am not going to apologize but the analogy of seeing a gay couple ruffled my fur.

There are a myriad of non-offensive ways to have described her so-called scrutiny of you.

xtxrn, ASN, RN · Sep 2, 2011

I am not going to apologize but the analogy of seeing a gay couple ruffled my fur.
There are a myriad of non-offensive ways to have described her so-called scrutiny of you.

Yeah, while I don't have a dog in that fight, it bothered me as well- any judgement never turns out productive unless it's a matter of life and death- and washing machines and coffee don't make the cut :)

Is it too late for a different career? Seriously- you are going to hate having to deal with objectionable people, and a LOT of people (when sick, dying, watching a family member go downhill, etc) are very unpleasant.... gotta separate you from them- and who cares what someone thinks. If they don't sign your check, or crash in your bed, leave it alone :twocents: