I went back to my old job (from 3 years ago). I'm almost finished with nursing school and my old boss was so nice and flexible with my hours. It's one of those weird premonitions but the minute I saw this person, I knew we weren't going to get along. I wasn't being judgmental or negative; I just felt it. When I met her (as she went to get my boss), she had a pokerface, was checking me out, slouches body language, walks slow, and is very soft spoken and quiet. My impression of her was that she didn't seem to be comfortable with herself or her life...she just read "uncomfortable". Anyhoo, I forgot about it... until I saw her on my shift. I'm someone who gets along with everyone, even if we have different personalities or background. I think people expect me to be the "cute obedient, spineless asian girl" which is not true. I'm not the short person with Napoleon complex either. So, when people's expectations (of me) aren't met, it creates some drama.Yes, I'm a nursing student and may possibly know more than my co-workers but I'm not one to boss people or show off what I know. I respected the people I come to work with because I respect their work as I'm still a "novice" coming back into this job.
She seemed nice but would just look so awkward and when she would be looking at me, it's as if a little girl saw a gay couple for the first time - just trying to scrutinize me. As I said, she's very soft spoken and quiet (just from my observations). The way she treats me is so ignorant and really irritates me. I really don't mind at all when people tell me how to do certain things but the way she does it is not cool. I still remember how to take care of certain residents but it's been a while. HOWEVER, on the third day, she was "babying" me and "teaching me" how to make COFFEE?! Are you serious?! She was talking to me as if I was stupid, born yesterday, or literally just got off the boat from China. "You put as many cups of coffee with as cups of water." SERIOUSLY!? Also, when i was doing laundry, she again was doing the same thing and said that she "had the same laundry machine model" so she knew. You wanna know what's funny? The laundry machine I have at home is a bit more advanced than the one I have at work. Also, we have a resident who doesn't communicate but was clearly in pain and agitated. After talking w. the nurses, I knew it was related to medical. She thought putting him up in bed was the solution. This guy is clearly violent and she wants to touch him. I suggested that maybe it would be good to let him calm down and she shouldn't do it and she was OFFENDED that I even had an opinion. I wanted to confront and address is it on the spot on both occasions but I'm SLOW - it doesn't hit me until later & when I'm being blunt, I tend to be rude so I give myself time for it to "hit" me, then I attack. I avoided and ignored her the whole day but she tried getting my attention by smiling at me. I sensed her uneasiness around me. Part of me wants to let it go but part of me wants to address it now because I'm not letting her build her ego by tearing mines down. Who cares if she thinks I'm a *****... What is this chick's problem and what should I do?
HUMBLE ME NURSES! I know there's gonna be cases like this in my nursing career but I gotta learn and deal with this bravely now.
I was going to say the same thing as some other posters, so I won't repeat. However, something else you repeated stands out to me. You made multiple racial comments about yourself when you were referring to what you thought she was thinking. Has she ever made a racial comment to you? It doesn't sound like she has said much of anything. Racism is very inflammatory speech, be very careful not to apply it to an innocent person.
Could it be she is just trying to be nice and trying to be helpful and to connect? For pete's sake, cut her some slack. There will be plenty of time later to decide she is not worth your courteous side.
I am 56 years old ...and have been an RN for 34 years ... and have a PhD and am certified in my specialty ... And guess what? I wouldn't automatically know how to make coffee on your unit.
I don't drink coffee: so, I don't make it. If that were a job expectation, I would need someone to show me how to use the coffee-maker at work. If someone took the time to teach me, I would be grateful and say, "Thank you."
The OP's use of the word "ignorant" bothered me a lot. When I opened this thread, I thought is was about how to deal with co-workers who don't have the knowledge necessary to do their jobs. That's what the word "ignorant" means. The OP was all about her own attitude problem toward a person who does not appear to have done anything wrong. And yet the OP took an instant dislike to her -- apparently because she is quiet and more demure and not all bubbly and extroverted. The OP was even offended because this coworker actually smiled at her!
And throughout it all ... the OP apparently wants us to beat up on her for her post. If she knows she is in the wrong and we are going to beat her up, then why not address her personal issues herself? Why invite the public flagellation?
The OP's use of the word "ignorant" bothered me a lot. When I opened this thread, I thought is was about how to deal with co-workers who don't have the knowledge necessary to do their jobs. That's what the word "ignorant" means. The OP was all about her own attitude problem toward a person who does not appear to have done anything wrong. And yet the OP took an instant dislike to her -- apparently because she is quiet and more demure and not all bubbly and extroverted. The OP was even offended because this coworker actually smiled at her!
And throughout it all ... the OP apparently wants us to beat up on her for her post. If she knows she is in the wrong and we are going to beat her up, then why not address her personal issues herself? Why invite the public flagellation?
Good luck, OP. You're going to need it.
llg, I wondered the same thing. Then I had to consider that since she doesn't seem to appreciate the actual meaning of the word "ignorant," perhaps she's not clear on the term "humble me." Maybe she meant "humor me." Or neither. Quite frankly, the whole post suggested she created the entire drama based on nothing but unsubstantiated assumptions on the mind frame of a complete stranger.
Specializes in Infectious Disease, Neuro, Research.
Meh, I think I know what you mean. Throttle back a bit. Some people are exceedingly poor teachers, but really really want to show you how to do it right.
I will say, working at McDonlad's as a first-job did teach me humility. Smile politely and sincerely, and say, "thank you!"(the only way I can describe it is to make a decision to be open, and sincere), whenever you receive instruction-even if it is making coffee.
"If I cannot trust you with small things, how can I entrust you with greater things...?" Earn trust with coffee and linens, and you will find your progress remarkable.
Gotta say, I would love to see the ACLU and DoJ involved in a spat between a young Asian woman and those offended by the "gay" statement. Where oh where do we begin?!?!?!? :jester:
Edit: guys, what I "understood" was a semi-condescending, mother-knows-best attitude towards the OP. While teaching someone how to make coffee does not indicate that the teacher is "ignorant", neither does being new indicate a need for such pedantic instruction.
I have the unhappy ability to size people up pretty much on first impression. I am in my 40's and have learned to temper this.
I do know that I must give time. Sometimes a person I have strong caution feelings about will reign themselves in and never get in my way. Op, you have to allow time for that person to adjust to you. True, they might not have the intelligence to do so, or are just too f'd up to do so. They may never "like" you, but you still have to give time. All you need from them is to be able to work with them. It will exhaust you if you don't temper your intuition. It will exhaust you because you probably can do little to change them, really, if they are truly a mess.
My advice let it slide for now. If she really gets to undermine in a serious way and I mean a dangerous way. One that harms patients or attempts to show you as incompetent in the eyes of other nurses or management in a serious way, then use your own words. Abrubtly and firmly tell her "Hey! That's not cool". She'll know what you are talking about.
And that's actually great advice for the OP re: her coworker.
Sometimes our gut instincts are correct. Other times, we find out we couldn't have been more wrong. Knowing that none of us are infallible in our judgments of total strangers' character, it seems prudent to give everyone with whom we work the benefit of the doubt unless and until they prove otherwise.
There have been people over the length of my life that really hit me the wrong way at first- but I shut up and just let things go on... the VAST majority of those people ended up being people I've respected a LOT. I didn't always like them (often I did), but they were really good at what they did. Maybe they didn't communicate in a way that floated my boat (but I wasn't there for boat floating )...but they were WAY good at what they did..... just sayin' this person may end up being one of the best teachers you have in your nursing career- if you give her the chance.
OP: did you stop to think that maybe she doesnt think your a "b"...maybe she is quite shy and may ADMIRE you!!!! if shes always smiling at you, why dont you loosen up and try smiling back..you have determined that she has all these negative ideas about you, but NONE of her action have showed that...please calm down and rethink this situation...!
I was going to say the same thing as some other posters, so I won't repeat. However, something else you repeated stands out to me. You made multiple racial comments about yourself when you were referring to what you thought she was thinking. Has she ever made a racial comment to you? It doesn't sound like she has said much of anything. Racism is very inflammatory speech, be very careful not to apply it to an innocent person.
if anything, it would appear the op has issues with her own race and assumes others have a preconceived notion as well...
:jester:
JeneraterRN
256 Posts
I was going to say the same thing as some other posters, so I won't repeat. However, something else you repeated stands out to me. You made multiple racial comments about yourself when you were referring to what you thought she was thinking. Has she ever made a racial comment to you? It doesn't sound like she has said much of anything. Racism is very inflammatory speech, be very careful not to apply it to an innocent person.