I went back to my old job (from 3 years ago). I'm almost finished with nursing school and my old boss was so nice and flexible with my hours. It's one of those weird premonitions but the minute I saw this person, I knew we weren't going to get along. I wasn't being judgmental or negative; I just felt it. When I met her (as she went to get my boss), she had a pokerface, was checking me out, slouches body language, walks slow, and is very soft spoken and quiet. My impression of her was that she didn't seem to be comfortable with herself or her life...she just read "uncomfortable". Anyhoo, I forgot about it... until I saw her on my shift. I'm someone who gets along with everyone, even if we have different personalities or background. I think people expect me to be the "cute obedient, spineless asian girl" which is not true. I'm not the short person with Napoleon complex either. So, when people's expectations (of me) aren't met, it creates some drama.Yes, I'm a nursing student and may possibly know more than my co-workers but I'm not one to boss people or show off what I know. I respected the people I come to work with because I respect their work as I'm still a "novice" coming back into this job.
She seemed nice but would just look so awkward and when she would be looking at me, it's as if a little girl saw a gay couple for the first time - just trying to scrutinize me. As I said, she's very soft spoken and quiet (just from my observations). The way she treats me is so ignorant and really irritates me. I really don't mind at all when people tell me how to do certain things but the way she does it is not cool. I still remember how to take care of certain residents but it's been a while. HOWEVER, on the third day, she was "babying" me and "teaching me" how to make COFFEE?! Are you serious?! She was talking to me as if I was stupid, born yesterday, or literally just got off the boat from China. "You put as many cups of coffee with as cups of water." SERIOUSLY!? Also, when i was doing laundry, she again was doing the same thing and said that she "had the same laundry machine model" so she knew. You wanna know what's funny? The laundry machine I have at home is a bit more advanced than the one I have at work. Also, we have a resident who doesn't communicate but was clearly in pain and agitated. After talking w. the nurses, I knew it was related to medical. She thought putting him up in bed was the solution. This guy is clearly violent and she wants to touch him. I suggested that maybe it would be good to let him calm down and she shouldn't do it and she was OFFENDED that I even had an opinion. I wanted to confront and address is it on the spot on both occasions but I'm SLOW - it doesn't hit me until later & when I'm being blunt, I tend to be rude so I give myself time for it to "hit" me, then I attack. I avoided and ignored her the whole day but she tried getting my attention by smiling at me. I sensed her uneasiness around me. Part of me wants to let it go but part of me wants to address it now because I'm not letting her build her ego by tearing mines down. Who cares if she thinks I'm a *****... What is this chick's problem and what should I do?
HUMBLE ME NURSES! I know there's gonna be cases like this in my nursing career but I gotta learn and deal with this bravely now.
Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I really could have a field day analyzing your post with all the theories I've learned in class, but I have homework to do.
Also...I would be tripping over my feet to thank someone telling me how to work the coffee machine. I've never owned one or ever used one before. All washing machines are different and some have stupid quirks.
Shut your mouth up and learn what this woman has to teach you. You may be surprised.
And definitely, as a nursing student...you don't know more than the nurses.
OP, something was bothering me about your post. Then I took a closer look and realized that you used the word "I" forty-one times. Yes. I counted. It was really bugging me. I didn't have the energy to count how often you said "me" and "my."
The thing is that the world doesn't revolve around you. Your preceptor isn't running around trying to do her job AND precept you AND think only about you and your internal dialogue. I imagine she is thinking about you 10% of the time (probably wondering why you are being so odd) and thinking about herself, her job, her patients, her family, and her priorities the remaining 90% of the time.
Why are you so fixated on this incident and this individual that you have come here going on and on and on about it?
And then just disappeared after the initial post? What is your agenda? Other than getting a whole lot of people here talking about........YOU.
OP, your silence can be telling. If you think we're all being judgmental and rude, think of it this way. We are giving our opinions of you and your actions in an open forum based on very little information about you from one interaction. Some of them immediately dislike you from the start because you seem like someone with whom they won't get along. Sound familiar? Sucks, doesn't it?
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Whoa, OP would really hate me. I'm a quiet person. My philosophy is, why take twenty words to say something you could say with five. I'm not standoffish or unkind, just an introvert.
Maybe this gal is painfully shy and was making a concerted effort to be outgoing and friendly toward you. Who knows? I actually feel sorry for her having to work with you.
Some of you will notice that you've had posts removed. This is because we ask members not to accuse other people of being trolls. If you have a concern, report it. Let staff deal with the post or the poster as needed.
In addition to that, some pretty harsh comments were made toward this person. You can disagree with someone, even see some serious flaws in their reasoning, without making things personal. That's a great way to make someone want to run and hide, and I would hope that's not the goal of any of you here.
Please, temper criticism with kindness.
And, please, don't treat regular threads like the jokey one that made fun of dime-a-dozen posts, or staff members may decide that it wasn't such a good idea to allow that sort of thread. Those of you in the know might get the humor, but someone who is the target of that kind of treatment probably won't.
I can see why the OP might not be eager to come back here any too soon. She asked to be humbled, not humiliated.
It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks re this person you write about: if you think she is a bully, do something about it. Confronting her b4 this goes on too long is the only way to deal with her.
Get her away from work (so she can't go running to colleagues crying), preferably outside after work, and confront her. Tell her exactly how her attitude is ******* you off and annoying you. Ask her if she sees you as inferior cos ur new or whatever the reason is. She will bluster and make excuses or confront you right back, but don't be intimidated. Tell her if it continues anymore, you will take it further. She will probably back down or could retaliate, but watch your back in any case.
If you confront her and keep standing up for yourself, she will get bored and eventually leave you alone. It doesn't make for a good working environment but it will solve the problem.
If nothing is solved, see your NUM for some advice maybe.
This doesn't sound like bullying to me, so I don't think there is any need to be confrontational. If she were actually doing or saying things that made it clear she disrespected you, yeah, you could step up and say something. But if it's this gauzy and vague, it's hardly worth spending the mental energy on.
Do your job. Try to find some sense of connection. Use a little humor, if you can do it sincerely.
Why assume the negative? Even if she's off kilter, so what? Be okay with yourself and don't go looking for a fight that may or may not be there.
I've had people in my life that didn't like me or understand my quirks. I still tried to like what I could about them. Built some friendships, established some boundaries, felt strong and capable and at peace inside. That counts for a lot.
I wish you the best, and I'm sorry you got such a harsh response.
canesdukegirl, BSN, RN
1 Article; 2,543 Posts
Oh, way harsh, dude.