I went back to my old job (from 3 years ago). I'm almost finished with nursing school and my old boss was so nice and flexible with my hours. It's one of those weird premonitions but the minute I saw this person, I knew we weren't going to get along. I wasn't being judgmental or negative; I just felt it. When I met her (as she went to get my boss), she had a pokerface, was checking me out, slouches body language, walks slow, and is very soft spoken and quiet. My impression of her was that she didn't seem to be comfortable with herself or her life...she just read "uncomfortable". Anyhoo, I forgot about it... until I saw her on my shift. I'm someone who gets along with everyone, even if we have different personalities or background. I think people expect me to be the "cute obedient, spineless asian girl" which is not true. I'm not the short person with Napoleon complex either. So, when people's expectations (of me) aren't met, it creates some drama.Yes, I'm a nursing student and may possibly know more than my co-workers but I'm not one to boss people or show off what I know. I respected the people I come to work with because I respect their work as I'm still a "novice" coming back into this job.
She seemed nice but would just look so awkward and when she would be looking at me, it's as if a little girl saw a gay couple for the first time - just trying to scrutinize me. As I said, she's very soft spoken and quiet (just from my observations). The way she treats me is so ignorant and really irritates me. I really don't mind at all when people tell me how to do certain things but the way she does it is not cool. I still remember how to take care of certain residents but it's been a while. HOWEVER, on the third day, she was "babying" me and "teaching me" how to make COFFEE?! Are you serious?! She was talking to me as if I was stupid, born yesterday, or literally just got off the boat from China. "You put as many cups of coffee with as cups of water." SERIOUSLY!? Also, when i was doing laundry, she again was doing the same thing and said that she "had the same laundry machine model" so she knew. You wanna know what's funny? The laundry machine I have at home is a bit more advanced than the one I have at work. Also, we have a resident who doesn't communicate but was clearly in pain and agitated. After talking w. the nurses, I knew it was related to medical. She thought putting him up in bed was the solution. This guy is clearly violent and she wants to touch him. I suggested that maybe it would be good to let him calm down and she shouldn't do it and she was OFFENDED that I even had an opinion. I wanted to confront and address is it on the spot on both occasions but I'm SLOW - it doesn't hit me until later & when I'm being blunt, I tend to be rude so I give myself time for it to "hit" me, then I attack. I avoided and ignored her the whole day but she tried getting my attention by smiling at me. I sensed her uneasiness around me. Part of me wants to let it go but part of me wants to address it now because I'm not letting her build her ego by tearing mines down. Who cares if she thinks I'm a *****... What is this chick's problem and what should I do?
HUMBLE ME NURSES! I know there's gonna be cases like this in my nursing career but I gotta learn and deal with this bravely now.
Welll, I used to think I could read people, back in my early twenties when I was still wet behind the ears. That attitude, taking it to the working world with me. If a person was not willing to pull their load I thought they were useless... and once I got that perspective of them I saw no point in pleasantries.
During that time an older person who was a friend of mines (probably saw the hole I was digging for myself) took me aside and said: "never judge a person on sights and think what they will or will not do. Give them enough space to show you what they have to offer to the situation and then, THEN, go from there."
Well I grew up, and over the years I found that he was so very right. Not only was I rude, most of the time my so called "reading" of the person tended to be totally incorrect. By the grace of God, no one who I did that with ever held it against me, now it could be that they just thought I was dropped on my head when I was a baby, maybe. Inspite of my flaws they saw the good in me.
So I say, none of us are perfect. But when you read things into people you are setting yourself up for an unnecessary battle. It may even only be a battle in your mind. Give her time, let HER show you what she is about and what she has to offer the professional relationship. Just a thought..
It takes a big person to step up and admit they are wrong. Some people seem to feel that the sky will fall around them if they do. Good for you to being open to your mistakes, learning from them, and going on to do better. That is really what the word "maturing" is really all about.
I fear we shall not see the OP again, perhaps she came back and read some or all of the posts and took some of the advice to heart. Or took one look at the first few and headed for the hills....I guess she really didn't want to be "humbled" after all...:)
" And yet the OP took an instant dislike to her -- apparently because she is quiet and more demure and not all bubbly and extroverted." and in the OP's post she also referred to the fact that she herself was def not a submissive, quiet Asian woman.....Tells me someone has an issue with being too demure, quiet, etc and immediately judged her like/dislike of this girl with that quality being the foundation of the judgment...
I am 56 years old ...and have been an RN for 34 years ... and have a PhD and am certified in my specialty ... And guess what? I wouldn't automatically know how to make coffee on your unit.
I don't drink coffee: so, I don't make it. If that were a job expectation, I would need someone to show me how to use the coffee-maker at work. If someone took the time to teach me, I would be grateful and say, "Thank you."
The OP's use of the word "ignorant" bothered me a lot. When I opened this thread, I thought is was about how to deal with co-workers who don't have the knowledge necessary to do their jobs. That's what the word "ignorant" means. The OP was all about her own attitude problem toward a person who does not appear to have done anything wrong. And yet the OP took an instant dislike to her -- apparently because she is quiet and more demure and not all bubbly and extroverted. The OP was even offended because this coworker actually smiled at her!
And throughout it all ... the OP apparently wants us to beat up on her for her post. If she knows she is in the wrong and we are going to beat her up, then why not address her personal issues herself? Why invite the public flagellation?
I'll say it again. The OP asked to be humbled, not humiliated.
Many of the posts in this thread were genuinely helpful and offered good input and suggestions. Thank you. I hope the OP was able to take those in.
OTOH, it's interesting that in a thread that chastised the OP for making snap judgments and being harsh, there were more than a few posts that did the same. In less than 24 hours, this new member was scolded, mocked, called ignorant, insulted and called a troll (in some of the deleted posts), told to consider a different career, made the butt of a lot of sarcasm--and then chided for not coming back for more. And some of this took place after a staff request to temper criticism with kindness.
This was a new member, not someone who is familiar with us and has established friendships and trust. Do newbies sometimes need a reality check? Of course, they do. But they don't need a personal pile on.
We encourage AN members to offer a welcoming atmosphere, even as they engage in lively debate.
Horseshoe, BSN, RN
5,879 Posts
It takes a big person to step up and admit they are wrong. Some people seem to feel that the sky will fall around them if they do. Good for you to being open to your mistakes, learning from them, and going on to do better. That is really what the word "maturing" is really all about.