I'm not really sure what to do on this one: Single Female 34 year NP student working my tail off...
I am a full time nurse, also work PRN and I'm in NP school. I placed an ad for a roomate to save money. I pay tuition out of pocket, etc. Purchased my home almost 2 years ago.
I interviewed a middle aged man from the hospital where I'm an NP student and it seemed to be a good roomate fit. He isn't in patient health care services but is a vendor inside the hospital and works for the dietary cafeteria.
He has been living in my home for 18 days. I am rarely home. He begun to call me "baby" and then he started rubbing my shoulders the other day. I was very uncomfortable and let him know, he just ignored it. He also has not paid rent and then hasn't left his room in 6 days. He finally paid rent. I asked him to please leave today, that this just wasn't the right fit, I am uncomfortable around him, etc. He was renting a furnished room.
He demands a refund of his rent due to being angry I asked him to leave.
He threatens to call the BON and tell them I am on drugs and drinking while going to work impaired.
CAN HE DO THIS? WILL THEY INVESTIGATE ME?
All of this is 100% untrue. My finals are coming up, I work full time and then at the school most nights.....I'm panicking at these threats not to mention the stress from this. He says he knows a board member very well and he is going to call her.
Are they truly going to come to my work and investigate? He has never worked with me nor seen me impaired....he's never been a patient of mine, etc. This is all just a bad roomate experience from a creepy middle aged man who is angry I asked him to leave my home.
I cannot find any threads addressing when a lay person just calls the board up and tells them false accusations. He took a picture of a scotch bottle in my liquor cabinet and said this proves I drink and am impaired....utterly ridiculous. It's an opened bottle in my home rarely even used. I'm a normal hard working person, never been in trouble, never failed any drug test or ever gotten a DUI. I've actually never even had a speeding ticket.
I've worked so hard to get to where I am. You have to list on any application if the board has ever investigated you for any reason at all....my work will most likely fire me if there is even an investigation at all. I work f0r the VA government...I had to have security clearance, etc.
HELP!! I can't sleep, my Thanksgiving is ruined with these threats coming through via text.
Lesson learned. Will work 3 jobs and eat Ramen Noodles before ever getting a roomate again....
Call a lawyer, explain the situation, provide the lawyer with whatever paperwork, etc. he or she asks for, and then do whatever the lawyer tells you to do. Please ignore all other legal-ish advice from people on the internet. The laws surrounding renting property are complicated and extremely varied depending on location, so really your best bet is to suck it up and get a lawyer to help you out. It'll be worth the expense to do this right and get this dude off your case.
This sounds scary. What a whacko. I'm so sorry for the hell you are being put through. I know you're worried about your license and potential reputation as a future NP, but I think of even greater concern is your immediate safety.
I agree with Emergent RN, you need to speak to an attorney, and file a police report. Get a restraining order.
Lock all pertinent text messages so you don't accidentally lose them. Save all evidence when possible.
It may also be a good idea to pay for an online background search on this guy to see if he has a criminal record, because this sounds like extortion and a very dangerous situation for you.
It also sounds like this isn't the first time this jerk has blackmailed a woman to try to get what he wants. You are NOT prey - you are a strong woman. You CAN get rid of this cockroach. You WILL.
I know it's your house, but maybe staying in a safe place is a good idea for now?
Does he ever leave? You could call a locksmith to change the locks, and have his belongings packed and ready to go. Have the police present when you hand over his stuff. If you get the opportunity to do this have someone you trust stay with you for a couple of days.
If he has holed up in his room and won't leave, then call the police to have this parasite removed from your home.
Perhaps you should also consider taking the initiative and speak candidly to your direct supervisor at work, HR (if he is a hospital employee), and the head of your nursing program. I would hope that you will find support instead of recrimination, after all you are clearly the victim here.
How twisted and frightening. The only thing you should have to worry about should be studying for your finals, not the psychopathic head games of a creepy sociopath.
I truly wish you the best of luck - and by all means please take whatever measures necessary to remain safe, even if that means leaving what is rightfully yours for now.
Record him while he is making threats.. Make sure to respond in a way that he explains why he would do such a thing like : " I never got to work or clinicals impaired why would you make up such a thing?" If you have personal malpractice insurance call their attorney for advice. Makes me sick that people can hang" call the BON " over our heads. In my state a report is usually only taken seriously and investigated from a co worker or patient. You said he works at your facility so.. I'd cover your butt sorty you're going through this
In my state it's legal to record conversation's you're a part of, and I've done it. You can delete or decide not to use recordings, but you can't go back and manufacture recordings that don't exist when you're being asked for evidence.
OP, calling a lawyer and changing the locks have been mentioned multiple times. I also strongly recommend having your phone on record before you enter the room if you have to share space with that creep again for some reason. Do not give him more money; it will only make things worse.
The next best option to recording him without his knowledge is written correspondence only. If you have his e-mail or another address for him, send a message or certified letter detailing that you asked him to leave for x y z reasons (e.g. touching you without permission) and you already refunded rent for the time after eviction (I dearly hope none of this was done in cash...) and that his attempts at extortion via threats of false accusations to the BON will no longer be given the time of day.
Phone calls are also pretty easy to record by putting him on speaker phone and recording on your computer. Save any e-mails, voicemails, or texts.
You've learned a hard lesson next time. Be smarter. Inspect the people you will let into your home. If you had a child, would you let that person take care of your child? Not sure? Don't let them into your home. If it is YOUR home, give yourself the upper hand in all dealings. Clearly lay out the funds required prior to move-in, due dates, amounts, and frequency of rent money, payment method accepted (no cash! EVER!). Lay out terms for eviction. Get. Everything. In. Writing.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I haven't had to deal with the BON but the weight of opinion seems to be that they will not take this guy seriously because there is no evidence that would support an accusation.
Makes me sick that people can hang" call the BON " over our heads.
I'd tell that to the BON and let them know that quote. I better not hear anyone non-nursing related try and use that nonesense against me. I'm going to find a way to get on BONs good side and see if there is a way they can know me as a good care provide CNA, LPN, or RN whichever route I choose.
Having not read yet the comments before me (and it might have been suggested already), please please file a police report against him and maybe even pursue a restriction order!
The BON is very evidence/paper oriented, they will need proof and you need to document his sexual assault and battery (touching someone against their will is battery, wether they will go after it as sexual or not).
Please go to your local police station STAT and file a report! This is awful that you had to go through this!
SDaisy79. It doesn't sound like you "get" it but I'm not really needing you to get it. This post is for nurses that have had any experiences with BONs. You don't have to understand how I worry or even what I worry about. I'm not you and we are two different people. The information others have shared has helped me and my goal of researching experiences with the BON. This was more collecting some qualitative data. This nurse forum has greatly helped me obtain it. You don't go into a new procedure without researching do you? Or give meds you know nothing about......your "red flags" are pretty judgemental when you know nothing about me, my experience or my employment. I love my job, I work contract 1099 work and when I have to be off for clinicals or class my agency doesn't get paid unless I work. It's nothing in regards to me or my job preformance. It's purely money/business. In fact, I'm retained depsite not being able to be there daily and that speaks for itself. I respect them enough not to give any reasons. Maybe when you are in a NP program and have to miss work a lot for class and clinicals you can write about your "red flags". I fill out applications currently for NP positions before we've graduated, so yes...I do see that question on them and my applications are not "fictitious". You don't seem to be in the same spot in your career with your level of understanding or lack thereof. Writng what you wrote is about like telling someone "everything happens for a reason" when a loved one dies. I'm protecting what I have worked for and have thought about my life and work...not him. I'll always ask about things I don't know a lot about and always will. If I have to walk into the BON, so be it. I'm gonna be prepared. Maybe you won't get "red flags" when you hear of a fellow nurse being investigated b/c it could happen to you one day too and you would want the same courtesies. Thanks for posting.
" It doesn't sound like you "get" it but I'm not really needing you to get it. This post is for nurses that have had any experiences with BONs. You don't have to understand how I worry or even what I worry about. I'm not you and we are two different people. " This forum is a place we can give each other caring suggestions, and support. When bad things happen, we need and deserve support, not judgement. Telling someone to just stop worrying doesn't usually come across as supportive. OP: By all means if you can possibly afford a lawyer, do so. Securing your physical safety comes first. Assuming this sick person is out of your home, I'd suggest you not answer the door to anyone you don't know to be a friend, for a while. If you don't already have a wide view lens in your front door, consider getting one, along with your new high quality door locks (you want locks that are not susceptible to "bumping". Just ask the hardware store manager for advice in choosing.) Most rental property managers allow installation of wide angle front door view lens, and upgrading locks, if you leave the stuff in when you move out, because its an upgrade. Do check with management 1st. They may be willing to have maintenance put your stuff in for free, or a reasonable fee. Going the extra safety mile, you could have any packages sent elsewhere (to friends and family, or a locker if that service is available) so you can get through the holidays without ever opening the door to strangers. Doing what you need to do to restore your personal sense of your home as a haven is important. Friends, family, spirituality, and an enjoyable home can give you the emotional energy to heal body and soul, so you can pass it on to those in your care at work. I had to get a TRO against some one for a non-nursing issue. I talked to our local police first. If your situation causes you to have any concern about your personal safety I would highly recommend talking with the police. Its free, and they gave me over an hour of really excellent practical advice. Some of it would be relevant to the BON threat. I'm sorry you are going through this. Its inevitable that it will cause you some concern, just as it is that in the end this too shall pass, and that you will emerge even stronger for having won out over this.
Specializes in EMT since 92, Paramedic since 97, RN and PHRN 2021.
When he started rubbing your shoulders and calling you baby, why didn't you just go along and throw yourself at him. Let him ravage you. Isn't that what is suppose to happen in that situation..........................
Now to be serious. I have no experience with the BON but i sympathize with your predicament. I truly wish you the best and hope you remain safe. Just remember your personal safety comes first, before anything else. I read your post with the utmost concern and hope you can distance yourself and all works out for YOU!!!!!
Call the BON before he has a chance to and ask them if you can have a letter placed in your file about the threats you've received from this whacko regarding HIM calling the BON. Or at the very least, ask someone in the legal dept of the BON what you should do regarding the threats this guy has made.
Change the locks on your doors, save EVERY communication you receive from the guy and consider filing harassment charges against him if he continues giving you trouble. If it were me, I'd also keep mace/pepper spray in my pocket when I leave my apartment.
emmjayy, BSN, RN
512 Posts
Call a lawyer, explain the situation, provide the lawyer with whatever paperwork, etc. he or she asks for, and then do whatever the lawyer tells you to do. Please ignore all other legal-ish advice from people on the internet. The laws surrounding renting property are complicated and extremely varied depending on location, so really your best bet is to suck it up and get a lawyer to help you out. It'll be worth the expense to do this right and get this dude off your case.