HELP! Threats to call BON!

[Nechic01]

I'm not really sure what to do on this one: Single Female 34 year NP student working my tail off...

I am a full time nurse, also work PRN and I'm in NP school. I placed an ad for a roomate to save money. I pay tuition out of pocket, etc. Purchased my home almost 2 years ago.

I interviewed a middle aged man from the hospital where I'm an NP student and it seemed to be a good roomate fit. He isn't in patient health care services but is a vendor inside the hospital and works for the dietary cafeteria.

He has been living in my home for 18 days. I am rarely home. He begun to call me "baby" and then he started rubbing my shoulders the other day. I was very uncomfortable and let him know, he just ignored it. He also has not paid rent and then hasn't left his room in 6 days. He finally paid rent. I asked him to please leave today, that this just wasn't the right fit, I am uncomfortable around him, etc. He was renting a furnished room.

He demands a refund of his rent due to being angry I asked him to leave.

He threatens to call the BON and tell them I am on drugs and drinking while going to work impaired.

CAN HE DO THIS? WILL THEY INVESTIGATE ME?

All of this is 100% untrue. My finals are coming up, I work full time and then at the school most nights.....I'm panicking at these threats not to mention the stress from this. He says he knows a board member very well and he is going to call her.

Are they truly going to come to my work and investigate? He has never worked with me nor seen me impaired....he's never been a patient of mine, etc. This is all just a bad roomate experience from a creepy middle aged man who is angry I asked him to leave my home.

I cannot find any threads addressing when a lay person just calls the board up and tells them false accusations. He took a picture of a scotch bottle in my liquor cabinet and said this proves I drink and am impaired....utterly ridiculous. It's an opened bottle in my home rarely even used. I'm a normal hard working person, never been in trouble, never failed any drug test or ever gotten a DUI. I've actually never even had a speeding ticket.

I've worked so hard to get to where I am. You have to list on any application if the board has ever investigated you for any reason at all....my work will most likely fire me if there is even an investigation at all. I work f0r the VA government...I had to have security clearance, etc.

HELP!! I can't sleep, my Thanksgiving is ruined with these threats coming through via text.

Lesson learned. Will work 3 jobs and eat Ramen Noodles before ever getting a roomate again....

[SurgicalTechCST]

Wanted to provide an update: I called my BON yesterday. They transferred me to the woman who is the intake coordinator for all complaints coming in. I told her everything that happened. She took his name down and told me she thought it would be fine and that the complaint would come to her first if he makes one. She did not reveal if he has or hasn't thus far. She said if there was any issue she would call me back.

She was very nice and you could tell she was very familiar with hearing everything under the sun.

Thank you for all the information posted. It has been very helpful.

Just a thought - make sure she knows his "alias" name as well. Just so it won't slip past as if coming from someone else. Although, i seriously doubt he would ever follow through on his threats. If he knows anything about it, he would also know they would require some kind of background proof, and since he has never been your patient, knows THAT would be easy to prove also.

Glad he's gone! Take time - even 10 minutes is enough sometimes - to take care of YOU! There's been a great deal of good quality advice given in a lot of these posts about doing that. I can tell you from personal experience of having had my much loved, successful career snatched away from me for good and all, by a body which is rapidly deteriorating from several serious physical conditions I can no longer have "fixed" anymore, that taking care of yourself spiritually and emotionally is absolutely critical. Even a few minutes here and there is worth many times the effort involved in making that happen.

My best wishes to you as you move forward in your life and your career. I wish you only good things.

Best regards - Shari

[SurgicalTechCST]

She already posted on page two of the thread that the guy is no longer living in her home.

I see that - thanks for pointing that out.

[pwtruby]

The BON's in this country do not care about nurses. You can be the best nurse and if someone does not like you, they can make up whatever they want to, and the BON will check it out. I know CA tends to crucify anybody for anything. Be careful and record everything.

[Mommavik, ADN]

Also, don't rely on him giving your key back-invest the money and have all locks changed for your own safety. I would call the BON myself or have your lawyer do so; I agree with the poster who suggested going to the police (domestic violence division) especially if you have written evidence or someone who heard him make these threats or advances after you told him you were uncomfortable with his behavior. Unfortunately this kind of situation isn't limited to the nursing profession but don't let this jerk turn you off to the help and possible friendship you can get from a good room mate. It's all about investigate and investigate more-prior landlords, friends, coworkers,etc. References,in other words-get more references from the ones the person gives you or ask people you already know. I've done the roommate thing several times in my long life, most of it is getting the right fit personality wise and making sure you're getting in writing any agreements prior to move in

[Mommavik, ADN]

Have someone else listen in while you talk with him then; check with an attorney whether it is illegal if you are the one being called (domestic violence division also is a good resource for this-believe me they've heard it all;not all violence is physical)

[Mommavik, ADN]

First of all, learn from this mistake. A middle age man looking to live with a 34 y.o. woman has hidden motives. Pick your candidate better next time. Second, let him call. There is no wrongdoing on your part. Even if they investigate, you will be okay. Sorry this happened to you. Once he is out, and if continues to harass you, seek legal help.

Be proactive-talk with your local police, file a report if you can, keep any texts, voice mails etc. that he has left you; check with a lawyer; some cities have legal aid you can use and/or many lawyers will do a free consultation to see if you have a case they can help with. Be sure to take any evidence you have as well as asking anyone who has heard his threats whether they would be willing to give a notarized statement or even testify if it comes to that.

[Mommavik, ADN]

Agreed...Did one. It pulled up stuff alright...Bankruptcies, judgements of liens, 10+ addresses, 10 traffic tickets and the kicker....and "imposter" name it showed was linked to him. This was just some background search engine you pay for. Who knows what else is probably out there on him. NEVER in a million years would my mind have imagined this. All of this could have been avoided if I would have done this first. I am so angry at myself and I feel so much guilt and embarassment. The what-ifs are rolodexing through my mind like some Stephen King novel. I'm one of those work-a-holic type nurses that just never stops. My patient population is mainly chronic non-complaint people and I'm so used to being verbally abused at work on a daily basis by patients that you develope a shell. You almost have to in order to survive. I think I was just so busy and focused on paying for school, bills and finals that I didn't remember my comfort mattered too. Nursing becomes engrained in your soul...you take care of everyone else so much that you don't notice when you aren't taking care of yourself. I should've taken better care of myself. I'm still not sleeping at night over any little noise I hear. Everyones words of advice have really helped. I can't thank everyone enough for posting. I just can't bring myself to tell those around me because I'm so embarassed and feel so responsible.

Don't let yourself put the blame for this all on yourself- talk to your Co workers that you have a former room mate who is making threats; you might be surprised how much support you get as well as maybe some who have been through the same or similar circumstances. Keep yourself safe by doing this aND as I said already be proactive and go to your police domestic violence division and discuss it with them; take your documentation with you in case they want you to file harassment or battery charges, even terrorism against you

[Paws2people]

I just did an online background search and paid $50 for an advanced report. I did know his age so found him by name and age. Well, he has several bankruptcies, civil judgement leins, divorce, about 10 traffic tickets and it listed one "imposter" alias name that was a totally different name than the one given to me....

It did, however, list his former addresses and there are so many.

I think he appears to be bad. Glad when my insticts kicked I asked him to leave immediatly. The first week he was here I did not see him even once. After that, he stayed in my guest room for 6 days straight. Not leaving for "work" or anything... It was all making me uncomfortable seeing that. This person seemed a bit off.

If you ever need to get a roommate again, please do a background check BEFORE you let them into your home.

Side Note: The house next door was vacant and for sale by the bank (repossessed). Two couples broke the locks, made up a fake lease, moved in with moving no vans and all, turned on the utilities, etc. They were squatting AND openly selling heroin from the home. We'd find needles on our ajoining lawn, and see the one lady nodding out while "watching" her child play in the street.

Many neighbors called the police and the bank who owned the house. They were all arrested on many occasions but ONLY for the drug selling.

It took 11 months for them to be evicted. They had "squatter's rights."

So, tread carefully on this one. Hopefully he will go away quietly. I'm happy you got him out, however I hope he stays away for good. Most likely he will move onto his next victim.

[rhernandez748]

Anxiety is controlling you release it and get through finals call the cops on him and move in with a friend till finals are over.

[wolf9653]

You can call the BON and ask them. or send them an e-mail. asking if an unfounded complaint reviewed by the board is considered an investigation that must be listed on a job app if asked? would it come up during a federal security background check?

[omha]

Haha, bruh, you're fine! That man has no friends on the BON.

[wolf9653]

BTW he's a 'grifter'. He's just looking for free rent, and thinks that if he convinces you he's your B/F he can stay longer. I don't think he was actually romantically interested. I bet at each of these old addresses there's a story waiting. And he beat them all out of money and rent. And I agree the likes of his kind are unlikely to be professional nurses.