Having issues with being a "babyfaced" nurse.

[Ash2016]

Hi there,

Im having professional issues with looking young, i have the big eyes, high eyebrows, chubby cheeks, and weak chin. Ive been a nurse for only a yr working at a family doctor/walk in clinic environment, Im in densely populated area in a big city. I cant take it anymore. Im not being treated well, I know some of you will point the finger at me as if its something im doing but i promise i work hard and meticiously and i put patients first. Im not getting any respect as time goes on and patients are constantly testing me and making comments about my age and appearance, i have learned to brush it off and carry myself with confidence (even subconsiously speak with a deeper voice). I thought i would get a better and it is in some ways, theres always been patients ive connected with instantly and even the ones just looking to get in and out its a pleasent enough experience however the bad apples are ruining my personality and there are more bad apples than people think, i dont know if i can do this anymore, today i had a patient sit down on the chair before doing blood work and start bullying me about my age before i even had a chance to interact with her or say much to her, i got mad, im human, i couldnt proceed with the blood work causes i was shaking (d/t not being able to express my anger and taking a lot of ****, i just had a strong emotional reaction finally) asked her to come back another day, she scuffed and said "and your gonna work with people?" i looked at her and she seemed to take such pleasure in what she was doing. I cried in the bathroom after, thats a first for me. A person can only take so much. I feel like society is gettin worse and worse with its rudeness. Im already fed up, i tried to express myself to a coworker but she just laughed. I think the reason i got so upset is cause a spent a yr working really hard, im stressed, we are understaffed and this woman had the audacity to try to cut me down. She was vile.

Im in my late 20s, there are a couple of girls who i think look younger than me and actually are but i never see them get this as much, i dont know what it is about me, im pretty blank and stoic, ive learned to be... So i dont know

Does anyone have advice for me? Or have been through this? Or have someone they know who have been through this and found a solution? Im considering leaving nursing, as hard as ive worked so far, my mental health and selfesteem is suffering. Where does someone with a babyface face even fit in the professional world? I know that sounds weird but im serious, i know to be tough but id rather just be my normal self and do my job without being harrassed. People f with me more than they do others, i noticed this in nursing school as well.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, typed on my phone

[Ash2016]

@wuzzie

I respect your point of view and it makes a lot of sense to me actually, I've thought about things I could do appearance wise, I do not wear make up and my scrubs are baggy... I do actually have womanly curves underneath... I agree walking away from what I worked hard for is immature. I think I needed to cool down and had a hard time with my emotions. I don't know how to be firm with patients about my appearance not being up for discussion. I tried it with her and it just escalated.

I really do need therapy tbh. A month ago I emailed a bunch of low cost therapists in my area through this program and no one emailed me back. Money is an issue. I'll keep trying.

[TriciaJ, RN]

Learn to say with a perfectly straight face: "Yes, I graduated from high school when I was twelve." If you don't think it will play well to say it out loud, then at least think it to yourself to remind yourself of the absurdity of the situation.

I remember working with a surgeon who looked like she was 17 years old. People commented about how young she looked, but respected her for being a competent surgeon. It doesn't matter what you look like; people will be jerks. You don't have to own their jerkness.

Maybe working in a poorly run clinic is more stressful than you think. Might not be a bad idea to keep your eyes open for other opportunities.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

First: Punctuation and Paragraphs (your posts are very difficult to read)

Second: If you go into a fury about patients being rude to the point that you cannot do your job, get some help. You have a problem that has NOTHING to do with being 'baby-faced'.

Seriously- please seek some help. You sound miserable and it doesn't have to be that way.

I'll echo this. I didn't read any bullying in your first post; I saw someone who was overly describing her appearance as a way to blame all of her problems on being "baby faced." Truly it isn't about your looks. It's about your inability to be professional in the face of a patient being rude to you. You need some help. Please get it.

[RNperdiem, RN]

My brother had this problem when he graduated med school. When he was told that he looked too young to be a doctor, he would give them an innocent look and say "I don't think 19 is too young at all!", he was in his late 20s at the time and after he and the patient had a good laugh, things would be just fine.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Here is the thing. There are certain patients who will try to get to you. For some reason they derive satisfaction from it. For you they pick on the young thing. For others they will figure out the way to get to them by doing the same thing for weight, skin color, looks, or any other vulnerability they can pick at.

You just have to learn to find a way to deal with it and not feed into it. You fed that patients craving and that makes it worse. You need to find a way on your own or with help to put up that wall when dealing with this type of patient because they will always be out there and even when you look older they will try to find a different vulnerability. I say just be polite and professional and do what is needed and no more. They will hate that!

[CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN]

It sounds like that patient would have picked on you or another nurse for any reason. I used to get this a ton and still do. It only bothered me when people would think "you are too young to be in charge." (I was a house supervisor in a LTC)

If you are confident in your abilities, no one will see your age.

Now that I'm starting to get the grays and wrinkles around the eyes.....I miss the "you are too young"

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

she was very rude basically calling me incompetent because of my appearance and age.[/Quote]

You proved her right, although not because of your appearance. You allowed your feelings to delay her medical care! That cannot happen. Jerk or not, people arrange their work schedules or even use precious PTO hours, arrange child care, deal with traffic, pay for parking, heck even simply expend energy when they don't feel well and could have been resting.

You completely disregarded your pt and your duties by telling her to come back another day. (Personally I would NOT have been willing to come back another day, and I would not hesitate to report any professional who refuses to do their job.)

What you should have done is either ask someone else to draw the blood, or if none available take 5 minutes to calm down. That should be sufficient time to stop shaking.

What if that bloodwork revealed something serious? A critical high or low, or some infectious disease requiring prompt treatment? I would be very concerned for your license if a pt was harmed due to your refusal to treat -- over hurt feelings.

[chacha82, ADN, BSN]

People will comment on everything (remember the "I'm seeing a lot of tall nurses" thread)? If you're pregnant, they'll say "Oh you look ready to pop, you shouldn't be working" (like we have a choice)?! My husband had a family member who would criticize overweight nurses to me. It was completely thoughtless and I hoped he had the sense to never it to anyone else. You have to let it go totally in one ear, out the other. If they say, "You look too young to be a nurse," smile and say "That's so thoughtful of you" and just move on. I've been told before "Oh, you're not old enough to do this." You just ignore it. You cannot delay care over it.

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

OP:

Many nurses have the issue of "looking younger" or "babyface". I had that issue, I was even carded up until I turned 40. The fact that you were shaking so badly over a non-important comment means that you need to check your reactions.

Working in any service industry, people will make comments. Many want to watch your reaction. The fact that you had such a violent reaction to a silly comment is significant and is more telling of your personality than the patients. It does surprise me that you would have such a significant reaction. I have been called younger for many years. Someone once told me, wow how did you get all that experience and you are so young? (It was said in a not so great tone). I responded, because I am XX years old.

Try and find some easy scripted answers,. You could just say.. "Thank you" nothing more nothing less, and continue on with your assessment questions, or whatever else you need to ask. Some people just want to watch your reaction.

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

I am 28 and in the same boat as you, in the sense that I look a few years younger than my age. It is definitely (mildly) annoying to field people's commentary about how old you look; I'm over it too! (And finally starting to hear it a bit less, so there's light at the end of the tunnel. Guess that means I'm gonna need some Botox soon, though.) But anyway, I can vouch for basically all of the deflection strategies recommended here; never had a problem with patients escalating into complete nastiness over my age, and I work with psych patients!

Relax. Breathe. Sometimes these things catch you off guard and it's harder to control how you feel about it. Now you know that this issue gets under your skin; you'll need to be ready not to fold next time someone gets fussy over such a small issue. People can be very petty and ridiculous, but you are the one allowing this incident to take up real estate in your head. When you feel someone starting to bother you like that, it's time to either lay down the law (if they are truly out of line) or walk away for a few minutes and give yourself a pep talk. When my patients start to monologue about some way they feel I'm not competent to take care of them, and I can feel myself getting irritated with the prolonged complaining, I'll ask them to please give me a few moments of quiet so I can concentrate because "I'd hate to have to stick you twice." You're a professional. You have the experience and the knowledge to take care of patients. Do not let someone's rudeness interfere with that.

[ChristineAdrianaRN, BSN, RN]

Looking much younger than I am is an issue for me, too (29 but recently got carded for a rated R movie). The snottiness actually comes more from my older colleagues than patients. But you really can't let it get to you, especially with patients. Usually they don't mean any malice with it. I usually respond with a, "Thank you! I'm hoping to ride this fountain of youth as long as I can" or if patients are a little sassier or ruder, I'll be like, "Yeah, the school bus was supposed to take me home after lacrosse practice but they dropped me here, so I'm just going with it." Usually a little humor helps break the tension. Most importantly you have to show confidence. Despite you saying you're confident, your post shows the exact opposite. You seem to be incredibly insecure about this. You sound like a new nurse, so that's probably part of it. The more practice you get, the more competent you are, the less the comments affect you. Once you can do an IV in your sleep, and someone says you look too young to be a nurse, you can say, "Yeah, it's my first day, and I have no idea what I'm doing!" as you effortlessly slide in the IV. And then they smile. And it's all good. It gets easier the longer you do it. Do not quit being a nurse over this. You need to rise above it. I hope you figure out a way to let it roll off you.

[matcha-cat]

If somebody makes a comment about you being so young, say "Yep, I didn't want to start my career at 50."

I definitely don't get that. Everyone has to start somewhere. What's the thing that young adults are expected to do right out of high school??? Oh yeah. Go to college and start a career.

EDIT: I also get people who think I'm young all the time. Well, it actually goes both ways. I look young- I have a babyface and I have curves, except in one particular area.. so I look a little pre-pubescent. But my co-workers, who have actually worked with and have gotten to know my personality, will later always think that I'm much older than I am. They'll guess that I'm like 26-27. I'm only 21, and strangers are still shocked when they hear that.