Having issues with being a "babyfaced" nurse.

[Ash2016]

Hi there,

Im having professional issues with looking young, i have the big eyes, high eyebrows, chubby cheeks, and weak chin. Ive been a nurse for only a yr working at a family doctor/walk in clinic environment, Im in densely populated area in a big city. I cant take it anymore. Im not being treated well, I know some of you will point the finger at me as if its something im doing but i promise i work hard and meticiously and i put patients first. Im not getting any respect as time goes on and patients are constantly testing me and making comments about my age and appearance, i have learned to brush it off and carry myself with confidence (even subconsiously speak with a deeper voice). I thought i would get a better and it is in some ways, theres always been patients ive connected with instantly and even the ones just looking to get in and out its a pleasent enough experience however the bad apples are ruining my personality and there are more bad apples than people think, i dont know if i can do this anymore, today i had a patient sit down on the chair before doing blood work and start bullying me about my age before i even had a chance to interact with her or say much to her, i got mad, im human, i couldnt proceed with the blood work causes i was shaking (d/t not being able to express my anger and taking a lot of ****, i just had a strong emotional reaction finally) asked her to come back another day, she scuffed and said "and your gonna work with people?" i looked at her and she seemed to take such pleasure in what she was doing. I cried in the bathroom after, thats a first for me. A person can only take so much. I feel like society is gettin worse and worse with its rudeness. Im already fed up, i tried to express myself to a coworker but she just laughed. I think the reason i got so upset is cause a spent a yr working really hard, im stressed, we are understaffed and this woman had the audacity to try to cut me down. She was vile.

Im in my late 20s, there are a couple of girls who i think look younger than me and actually are but i never see them get this as much, i dont know what it is about me, im pretty blank and stoic, ive learned to be... So i dont know

Does anyone have advice for me? Or have been through this? Or have someone they know who have been through this and found a solution? Im considering leaving nursing, as hard as ive worked so far, my mental health and selfesteem is suffering. Where does someone with a babyface face even fit in the professional world? I know that sounds weird but im serious, i know to be tough but id rather just be my normal self and do my job without being harrassed. People f with me more than they do others, i noticed this in nursing school as well.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, typed on my phone

[operations]

A typo here or there is no big thing.

but wen ppl write this ths n dont evn tri its sompthin else

Lol

D u evn chart bra

[Ash2016]

UPDATE: Sorry for the super late update, a lot has happened. Thank you for all the comments, I read every word, both the positive/supportive comments, and the tough love. Thank you for the support, advice, and good vibes.

So to update all the people who took time to comment, that situation, it was very fresh when I posted that topic so I was still emotional. To be clear I didn't refuse care, she refused me due to my physical reaction, so telling her to come back another day was the best solution for her I could think of in that moment. Maybe I didn't include that part because I felt ashamed I was refused. It was the first time I had such a physical reaction to someone's poor behaviour that I didn't know what else to do, I was alone, I wasn't being facetious telling her that. She returned and the B/W was completed (not by me).

She wasn't the first person to make these sort of comments but her comments somehow triggered me in a way others didn't, maybe it was her energy, maybe it was the stress I was under.

So not to long after that incident I started full-fledged having panic attacks at work, I had 4 in total, I think the situation with her was a precursor to them. The panic attacks weren't triggered by rude patients but extreme stress. The last panic attack led me to have to be sent home. I took medical leave for 2 weeks, but ended up telling them I cannot return, due to being too embarrassed. I never had panic attacks before and when I had the last one it was obvious that it's not something that will just go away on its own. I'm seeing a counsellor (a physician with a background in counselling offered to do it for free) and I am taking Lexapro and prn Lorazepam.

I'm very confused career wise, and unemployed. I want to stay in Nursing, maybe I had to go through this experience to understand things better. The confusing thing about Nursing is that like being able to do difficult tasks successfully is a huge confidence boost but others will bring your confidence right down (such as instructors, pts, other nurses). I mean I could fight it for sure, and I did before all this, but sometimes when you're tired it really gets to you, especially when you feel you get it worse than others and then try to find reasons like being baby faced… because the work ethic is there, so I don't really know...

I think my mind frame that led to the attacks was that I was tired and burning out. The clinic would see about 200 pts a day not including telephone inquiries/demands/callbacks, and a lot of them were very entitled, demanding, and rude. I dealt with it for a yr (I graduated summer, 2016). I couldn't understand some of their behaviours especially that lady because I felt I was working SO HARD. I WAS TRYING SO HARD, and I actually cared so much about what I was doing. So it hurt my feelings, but I totally could have handled it better. I'm learning CBT.

Also, to people saying it was wrong for me to cry in the bathroom after it happened is really weird. I don't actually cry or express myself enough which may be a cause of all this. It's not like I cried in front of everybody. I'd rather accept my emotions and let them come in and try to understand them than be one of those people who make passive aggressive remarks to strangers online in the guise of being helpful, or worse take work issues out on family like my parents used to do.

Anyway I have mental health issues, I'm questioning Nursing as a profession, which I'm sad and lost about. If I can't do Nursing I want to stay in the medical field in some capacity.

[TheObserver5]

...if patients are a little sassier or ruder, I'll be like, "Yeah, the school bus was supposed to take me home after lacrosse practice but they dropped me here, so I'm just going with it."

This is totally my approach as well haha

My response probably would have been: "Just think, by the time I'm done with this, I can get back to studying for my SATs" or something of that nature.

I think nursing is a lot like the hospitality industry, you're going to deal with some awesome people who appreciate your services and some people whose only job in life is to "ask for the manager" kind of mentality. Developing a thicker skin will help during those times.

I've always used humor in my encounters with people. Sometimes it will make them ease up and other times no dice. Either way, don't let one person ruin your day.

And, honestly, if they're getting beyond the point of having a decent conversation, just start singing a song in your head and block them out while you're doing what you need to do. I've literally started to sing Bohemian Rhapsody in my head when interacting with people like this

It's a win-win. You don't say anything you won't regret and the patient can no longer get a rise out of you if that's their intent.

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

UPDATE: Sorry for the super late update, a lot has happened. Thank you for all the comments, I read every word, both the positive/supportive comments, and the tough love. Thank you for the support, advice, and good vibes.

So to update all the people who took time to comment, that situation, it was very fresh when I posted that topic so I was still emotional. To be clear I didn't refuse care, she refused me due to my physical reaction, so telling her to come back another day was the best solution for her I could think of in that moment. Maybe I didn't include that part because I felt ashamed I was refused. It was the first time I had such a physical reaction to someone's poor behaviour that I didn't know what else to do, I was alone, I wasn't being facetious telling her that. She returned and the B/W was completed (not by me).

She wasn't the first person to make these sort of comments but her comments somehow triggered me in a way others didn't, maybe it was her energy, maybe it was the stress I was under.

So not to long after that incident I started full-fledged having panic attacks at work, I had 4 in total, I think the situation with her was a precursor to them. The panic attacks weren't triggered by rude patients but extreme stress. The last panic attack led me to have to be sent home. I took medical leave for 2 weeks, but ended up telling them I cannot return, due to being too embarrassed. I never had panic attacks before and when I had the last one it was obvious that it's not something that will just go away on its own. I'm seeing a counsellor (a physician with a background in counselling offered to do it for free) and I am taking Lexapro and prn Lorazepam.

I'm very confused career wise, and unemployed. I want to stay in Nursing, maybe I had to go through this experience to understand things better. The confusing thing about Nursing is that like being able to do difficult tasks successfully is a huge confidence boost but others will bring your confidence right down (such as instructors, pts, other nurses). I mean I could fight it for sure, and I did before all this, but sometimes when you're tired it really gets to you, especially when you feel you get it worse than others and then try to find reasons like being baby faced… because the work ethic is there, so I don't really know...

I think my mind frame that led to the attacks was that I was tired and burning out. The clinic would see about 200 pts a day not including telephone inquiries/demands/callbacks, and a lot of them were very entitled, demanding, and rude. I dealt with it for a yr (I graduated summer, 2016). I couldn't understand some of their behaviours especially that lady because I felt I was working SO HARD. I WAS TRYING SO HARD, and I actually cared so much about what I was doing. So it hurt my feelings, but I totally could have handled it better. I'm learning CBT.

Also, to people saying it was wrong for me to cry in the bathroom after it happened is really weird. I don't actually cry or express myself enough which may be a cause of all this. It's not like I cried in front of everybody. I'd rather accept my emotions and let them come in and try to understand them than be one of those people who make passive aggressive remarks to strangers online in the guise of being helpful, or worse take work issues out on family like my parents used to do.

Anyway I have mental health issues, I'm questioning Nursing as a profession, which I'm sad and lost about. If I can't do Nursing I want to stay in the medical field in some capacity.

Thanks for coming back and updating us!! I am so glad you are getting some help. As for nursing, please don't discount it yet. Take some time and allow yourself to heal. Keep up your good work. and best of luck to you in the future.