Having issues with being a "babyfaced" nurse.

[Ash2016]

Hi there,

Im having professional issues with looking young, i have the big eyes, high eyebrows, chubby cheeks, and weak chin. Ive been a nurse for only a yr working at a family doctor/walk in clinic environment, Im in densely populated area in a big city. I cant take it anymore. Im not being treated well, I know some of you will point the finger at me as if its something im doing but i promise i work hard and meticiously and i put patients first. Im not getting any respect as time goes on and patients are constantly testing me and making comments about my age and appearance, i have learned to brush it off and carry myself with confidence (even subconsiously speak with a deeper voice). I thought i would get a better and it is in some ways, theres always been patients ive connected with instantly and even the ones just looking to get in and out its a pleasent enough experience however the bad apples are ruining my personality and there are more bad apples than people think, i dont know if i can do this anymore, today i had a patient sit down on the chair before doing blood work and start bullying me about my age before i even had a chance to interact with her or say much to her, i got mad, im human, i couldnt proceed with the blood work causes i was shaking (d/t not being able to express my anger and taking a lot of ****, i just had a strong emotional reaction finally) asked her to come back another day, she scuffed and said "and your gonna work with people?" i looked at her and she seemed to take such pleasure in what she was doing. I cried in the bathroom after, thats a first for me. A person can only take so much. I feel like society is gettin worse and worse with its rudeness. Im already fed up, i tried to express myself to a coworker but she just laughed. I think the reason i got so upset is cause a spent a yr working really hard, im stressed, we are understaffed and this woman had the audacity to try to cut me down. She was vile.

Im in my late 20s, there are a couple of girls who i think look younger than me and actually are but i never see them get this as much, i dont know what it is about me, im pretty blank and stoic, ive learned to be... So i dont know

Does anyone have advice for me? Or have been through this? Or have someone they know who have been through this and found a solution? Im considering leaving nursing, as hard as ive worked so far, my mental health and selfesteem is suffering. Where does someone with a babyface face even fit in the professional world? I know that sounds weird but im serious, i know to be tough but id rather just be my normal self and do my job without being harrassed. People f with me more than they do others, i noticed this in nursing school as well.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, typed on my phone

[CNA2016:), CNA]

lol do you feel better?

[PGHNurse412, ASN]

In my opinion I would just have a few comebacks up my sleeve, I wish I could have gotten into nursing with just my young looks instead of working hard in school” or something along those lines. I can relate with you 100%, some patients do not trust you due to not fitting the script of looking experienced.” I try to level with them and say, hey, I understand you might be nervous about (whatever care your providing for the patient) but I am here for you. I wake up every morning and put my scrubs on and work hard for you so whatever it is I can do to make you feel more comfortable please let me know.” Some patients just find comfort in having an older caretaker due to the fact that they may have more years under their belt, but we all know that's not always the case. I am in my 20's and I even know some doctors who didn't start in the medical field until they were in their 30-40's. All you can do is walk in with confidence, what you think is automatically going to show through emotions and how you interact with the patient. Try giving yourself a pep talk, know that you are worth it and you are doing a great job!! You worked hard to be where you are today and if nothing stopped you along the way, nothing can stop you now. Anywhere you go there will be crappy people, cannot avoid them unfortunately.

[K9lover, ASN, RN]

You say 'bad apples are ruining your personality,'? Makes it sound as you are a puppet on a string with people pushing your buttons and the button-pushers of society are really good at reading people and picking them out to Target for the exact reason you cited (i.e. not being able to continue your task at hand.) They cannot do it if you don't allow it; patients do and say all manner of personal/inappropriate things, after the millionth time one said "how TALL are you?" I grew tempted to say I was 5' but people think I look much taller! I just concluded they hadn't seen many 6' women and didn't let it faze me. That is just the main example; patients asking about my marriage, kids, dogs, ancestry...perhaps your patient is abrasive in all areas of life but her family doesn't tolerate it. Those are the ones who act up with the public (who cannot escape them.) Sure bet it isn't just you, I feel for the min wage workers who have to put up with them. You really need to acquire skills in not personalising this, you will encounter much worse in your career.

[Platypus]

Some people are just difficult. I have many that I have to deal with daily, they stress me terribly. I leave their room and I sing kumbaya to myself and take deep breaths to keep them from ruining my night.

Each time I deal with a difficult patient / resident / customer (whatever they are considered at your facility), I think I learn something new about how to deal with difficult people with every encounter. I once had to deal with a very difficult family member when I started working at a new facility, Everyone was afraid to call her and I soon found out why. She verbally yelled at me for calling her and telling her that her mother had no clean clothes (which is what she wanted per orders), and when she arrived at the facility, She berated me for steadying her mother when she angrily was putting clean pants on her while standing and having nothing to hold onto. She made official complaints to my bosses. Believe it or not, we ended up being friendly and she would only call to talk to me when she had some issues with her Moms care.

I have co-workers who are difficult as well. I had a narcissistic boss once...that was a stressful 6 months. Our country is very focused on customer service and the customer is always right mentality. This creates entitled customers who feel they have a right to do or say whatever they like.

[yourshoesareuntied]

Enjoy this time..it's not a bad deal. My first gig in the medical field was in Orthotics and Prosthetics, I loved my job and I was very good at it..but still, I remember at times my baby face sorta getting in the way of my ability to establish a solid patient trust agreement... I was well into my mid 20s and I had a patient ask if I was old enough to do this..my response was " no but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night" my patient laughed and then apologized for his comment..he became one of my favorites. Just make sure you have your sh*& in order, remain professional, but don't wear your heart on your sleeve.. I'm now 38 and earlier this year got carded by the new guy at my local package store...I was like hells yes you can see my ID..

[Cat365]

I was a "baby face", too. In my mid-twenties, I could have easily passed for a high school student ... or younger. And, yes, I did have patients question whether I was old enough to be a nurse.

Humor worked best for me. "Why, don't you realize that in just TWO MORE YEARS ... I'll be 30!"

I used this. Also how old do you think i am? Really! You are my favorite person today! Great big grin. When I didn't feel like grinning I thought of it as bearing my teeth. I always killed them with kindness.

Stand straight, head up, and be unfailingly cheerful. It works most of the time. When it doesn't he'll with them. You can't control others perceptions only your own actions and reactions.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

:roflmao:Now that it's my 17th year in healthcare, I would think that people would think that I'm my age-NOT!

I still get carded, I still get asked if I know what I am doing, even my peers believed I was in my mid-twenties; when I told them I was ten years older, they almost fell out of their chair!

In this business, people can be very tough, crass, just plain nasty-I've been threatened, almost, kicked, yelled at, cursed, and been in the situation that diffuses those situations; there have been co-workers who think I could never be a charge nurse until I informed them before I worked at m position I was a floor as well as a house supervisor; sometimes I think they forget how long I have been a nurse because I look so young.

I do have a concern that you potentially would've had a claim of delay in care filed by that patient-if she was looking for a mark to bring down someone because she feels out of control and vulnerable about her health-I wouldn't want you career over before it started.

No matter what specialty you are in, even outside of work, there are going to be crass enough to position themselves with the adage "you are old as one looks" when we all know that is not the case.

I sending vibes that you will secure someone to speak with you professionally; I know all too well, that a stressful first grad experience can not go well when one is stress by internal and external pressures; I hope also that you are looking for another position, especially since the place you work is a turnover factory-you may not be thriving in this position, and you should be seeking a position with far ore greater support as a new grad; don't think of it as a failure, but you need something more so you can find the perfect specialty that will complement you and your nursing style.

Best wishes

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

nothing wrong with the leather skinned type...which im assuming you are

What the what?? I was about to "like" your post until I got to the paragraph in question. For what it's worth I frequently get comments on my youthful appearance -- I have even been mistaken for my daughter's sister.

That ^^^ comment, evoked by someone disagreeing with you -- a highly knowledgeable and wise nurse at that?? Very immature.

[Robyn152]

I am always surprised by the lack of empathy from some nurses on this site. It's tough to build confidence and learn to deal with confrontational people. Humor sometimes helps in these situations because it's not what they expect and it can "reset" the mood. In the meantime, think about job hunting! There are lots of nursing positions and you don't need to be miserable! Good luck!

[KhnRN]

I can certainly commiserate with the challenges you feel by looking "baby-faced"... I'm in my late 20's, but I could absolutely pass for a high schooler. I am also very petite and slender, and introverted by nature, so I basically have the trifecta of "weak and overly-sensitive female" stereotypes going for me.

It can absolutely be draining to feel you are facing criticism and bullying every day, especially if you feel your co-workers are not supportive of you or are actually participating in the bullying.

From painful personal experience, I can say the most important thing is to keep your head up- you worked incredibly hard to complete nursing school and get your license. When your competence is questioned, I've found what diffuses the situation the best is by simply replying "well, I do have ___ years of experience as a nurse" or "I have a great deal of experience working in ____field/area" or "I have performed this procedure many times... I could discuss what is going to occur so that you can better understand the care I am providing?"

People who, as your example showed, are toxic and negative people want to make the situation about you, and about putting you down. Turn it back to what you have to bring to the table: your experience, your skills, your knowledge as a nurse. That can take the rug out from under them, and while it may not cause them to be your best friend, they may just realize that you are in fact deserving of consideration and common decency.

Ultimately, however, I would suggest some serious personal reflection. You may come to realize this particular work place isn't a good fit for you. If switching jobs or workplaces is possible for you, if the situation at this place is not something you can continue in, search out alternatives. The positive about nursing is that there is an almost endless variety of settings that nurses work in. You may find another place is your niche... Working with colleagues and patients you can connect with better, so that you can remember why you went into nursing in the first place, and have the freedom and support to grow both professionally and personally.

I wish you the very best of luck... This is a difficult situation, but I believe that you are absolutely capable of coming out of it stronger.... Remember, take care of yourself as well as others.

[Kj287]

I get this all the time, especially now that I started working in a LTAC facility. I'm 29 and have been a nurse for 7 years. I was a CNA/CMT for 3 years before that. Getting asked, "Are you even old enough to be my nurse" so often has actually made me a better one. When I have a pt ask me that or make some comment about how young I look I just smile, say thank you, and assure them I'm older than I look and tell them I've actually been a nurse for 7 years and I'm currently in school furthering my education to become an RN. Then I go out of my way the entire shift to explain things as in depth as I possibly can to them. I explain medications, my reasonings for why I am doing things certain ways, things about their condition they may not know or understand well, I literally explain everything I can think of to them as much as I possibly can. Of course, I explain things to ALL of my patients, especially the medicine I give them, but I take as much extra time as possible to go above and beyond with anyone that is uncomfortable when they first meet me. It wins them over in no time and sometimes I even learn new things in the process. Plus, having to do that so often has made it become a habit. I find myself explaining things better to all of my patients lately, even those who don't express concern. So try not to get too offended and look at it as a learning opportunity. Of course, there will still be people who are just flat out rude. When I first started nursing I had one pt take one look at me and tell me to get out. All I got out was, "Hi, my name is Kelly and I'll be your nurse..." and he was literally yelling at me to get out of of his room. He said I was too young and he refused to have a nurse that young taking care of him. I worked at a nursing home at the time and he was a new pt only there for physical therapy. I was 22. The equally hilarious yet infuriating part is that the ONLY other nurse there that night was a 21yr old male nurse who had been an LPN for 2 years at that point. I told him what happened and asked if he'd give it a try and just not mention that he was younger, then we called our ADON first to make sure she was okay with it. The guy had no idea and was respectful to my male coworker the whole night.

[Dogsarebest]

I read this last night but had to wait until this morning to formulate a reply as I was too bothered by it last night.

Ash2016, I've been a nurse for 16 years, six of those as an NP. I'm in my 40's, look younger😀, and get crap too. Only my crap is not only about my age. It's patients refusing to see me as "she's just the NP and I ONLY see the doctor". My credentials get questioned as does my education. I get asked if I know what I'm doing, I get told I look too young to have been in the field this long. If I reacted like you said you did, I'd have been out of a job a long time ago. You cannot tell patients to come back later, you can't run and hide and cry. It's supremely unprofessional. As a friend would say, "suck it up. Pull up your big girl panties and deal with it". You will never make everyone happy. NEVER!

What do I do? I suck it up when they refuse to see me. Does it irk me? You have no idea how much, but I respect their wishes. I explain what an NP is to those who question my eduction or credentials. For my age, I smile and tell them I'm older then I look and I've been doing this a long time.

You need a thicker skin and better self esteem. Counseling has been suggested by others as has a change of jobs, I wholeheartedly second both. Also, you said yourself you wear baggy scrubs and no makeup. Invest in both. Look neat, look professional.

Lastly, learn how to spell and basic grammar. Both were atrocious on your post. I'm also on a mobile device, doesn't mean you can be lazy or sloppy.