Having issues with being a "babyfaced" nurse.

[Ash2016]

Hi there,

Im having professional issues with looking young, i have the big eyes, high eyebrows, chubby cheeks, and weak chin. Ive been a nurse for only a yr working at a family doctor/walk in clinic environment, Im in densely populated area in a big city. I cant take it anymore. Im not being treated well, I know some of you will point the finger at me as if its something im doing but i promise i work hard and meticiously and i put patients first. Im not getting any respect as time goes on and patients are constantly testing me and making comments about my age and appearance, i have learned to brush it off and carry myself with confidence (even subconsiously speak with a deeper voice). I thought i would get a better and it is in some ways, theres always been patients ive connected with instantly and even the ones just looking to get in and out its a pleasent enough experience however the bad apples are ruining my personality and there are more bad apples than people think, i dont know if i can do this anymore, today i had a patient sit down on the chair before doing blood work and start bullying me about my age before i even had a chance to interact with her or say much to her, i got mad, im human, i couldnt proceed with the blood work causes i was shaking (d/t not being able to express my anger and taking a lot of ****, i just had a strong emotional reaction finally) asked her to come back another day, she scuffed and said "and your gonna work with people?" i looked at her and she seemed to take such pleasure in what she was doing. I cried in the bathroom after, thats a first for me. A person can only take so much. I feel like society is gettin worse and worse with its rudeness. Im already fed up, i tried to express myself to a coworker but she just laughed. I think the reason i got so upset is cause a spent a yr working really hard, im stressed, we are understaffed and this woman had the audacity to try to cut me down. She was vile.

Im in my late 20s, there are a couple of girls who i think look younger than me and actually are but i never see them get this as much, i dont know what it is about me, im pretty blank and stoic, ive learned to be... So i dont know

Does anyone have advice for me? Or have been through this? Or have someone they know who have been through this and found a solution? Im considering leaving nursing, as hard as ive worked so far, my mental health and selfesteem is suffering. Where does someone with a babyface face even fit in the professional world? I know that sounds weird but im serious, i know to be tough but id rather just be my normal self and do my job without being harrassed. People f with me more than they do others, i noticed this in nursing school as well.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, typed on my phone

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

Come on, everyone - don't every last one of us have one or two things about ourselves that are touchy subjects, or things that we've been teased/harrassed about (even semi-jovially) all of our lives that simply hit a nerve?

If it's been implied your entire life that something about yourself might make you less than competent/desirable/smart/capable and this continues into adulthood, chances are you're going to be a bit more sensitive to this and view it as criticism of who you've become.

We all react differently to these things, and I agree that the OP's use of "bullying" is not really appropriate; however, it can be awfully tough to have to overcome the same hurdles over and over again.

If the OP was always confused for the younger sibling, the underclassmen ("hey, what are you doing here? this is SENIOR STUDY HALL!"), the person whose ID gets the once, twice, third-over and then had to overcome second-guessing by coworkers, patients and family members?

It's not oppression, it's not abuse, but it's not easy.

Just remember that we all have things about which we are perhaps overly sensitive.

[ComeTogether, LPN]

Some of this is that patients can be A-holes. If it weren't your age and looking young, it would be something else for those who want to pick.

Do you dress professionally? I'm sure you wear scrubs, but are they cute with animals on them? If so, that's the first thing to change if you want to be taken seriously.

My advice is to assess your demeanor, outfit, hair and makeup to make yourself appear your age.

[caffeinatednurse, BSN, RN]

I look very, very young - I'm quite literally mistaken for a teenager in public - but I've never encountered this negatively at work. Usually patients or their families are impressed by the fact that I'm a nurse and assume that I must have graduated earlier or something. They often say something like, "You must be really bright to be a nurse at your age." Then I politely inform them that I'm nearly 30, and they say something like, "You've got great genes! I'm jealous." And that's the end of the discussion, because I direct it back to the patient and their care.

Maybe they're picking up on how you feel about it, and commenting on it? Just try not to make a big deal out of it, even when they do. Shrug it off, use it to your benefit and move on.

Edit: The comment above mine about addressing your demeanor might also be helpful. I wear professional scrubs, pull my hair up in a high ponytail, always wear a stethoscope around my neck and my tag is clearly visible and hanging from my collar. I also make a purposeful effort to listen intently and look people straight in the eye. Cues are important. How you behave is important. If people don't get the feeling that they're being cared for by a professional, they're more likely to complain or pick. (And then sometimes, they do anyway! But it can definitely be minimized.)

[CNA2016:), CNA]

I'm a CNA and I deal with similar situations often as well. Sounds like you are a sensitive person like me. You dont want to be judged or thought of as being incompetent because you look/are young. However, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it besides change the way you react. You dont need to prove anything to these patients just to yourself. So your job the best you can and know that that is good enough. Use humour as well. Dont leave nursing because youre sensitive. Sensitive people have an edge other dont in that they can relate to the "good" patients on an exceptional level, and they can provide amazing care compared to a leather skinned worker that doesnt allow any emotion good or bad to affect them.

[T-Bird78]

I'm 39 but look like I'm in my mid 20s. My go-to line is either "I'm older than I look" or something about having a high school sophomore tends to get people quiet (and compliments about my youthful appearance). If you think people are judging your young face, say something about being older than you appear or how long you've been doing this. I also reference pop culture from the 50s/60s/70s to get people to realize I've been around a while. Hang in there!

[Wuzzie]

Sensitive people have an edge other dont in that they can relate to the "good" patients on an exceptional level, and they can provide amazing care compared to a leather skinned worker that doesnt allow any emotion good or bad to affect them.

First part of your post was spot-on. This part was the biggest pile of tripe I've read in a long time.

[CNA2016:), CNA]

nothing wrong with the leather skinned type...which im assuming you are

[Wuzzie]

nothing wrong with the leather skinned type...which im assuming you are

Your assumption about me is completely wrong (otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to respond) but to equate somebody's level of sensitivity (over-sensitivity in the OP's case which she has admitted) with their ability to give good care is utter crap. In the original scenario the patient received NO care. How is that an example of "amazing" care? There is a level of professionalism that is REQUIRED to be a good nurse. Letting our emotions drive our care is quite possibly the most dangerous thing we could do and that is exactly what happened. I have taken a lot of crap from patients/families/mean co-workers in my decades of being a nurse but I have never let it impact the care that I give. I simply remained stoic (as I suspect your leather-skinned peers do) provided excellent care and dealt with my emotions at a more appropriate time and place.

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

I'm 33 and very visibly pregnant. Yesterday while I was out with my mom, a woman made a comment about my age - come to find out she thought I was a pregnant high school student. I thought about this thread and how my mom took it as a compliment that she wasn't old enough to have a 33 year old daughter. I immediately felt judged as just about any pregnant high school student would.

[Wuzzie]

I'm 33 and very visibly pregnant. Yesterday while I was out with my mom, a woman made a comment about my age - come to find out she thought I was a pregnant high school student. I thought about this thread and how my mom took it as a compliment that she wasn't old enough to have a 33 year old daughter. I immediately felt judged as just about any pregnant high school student would.

Wow! That was rude. She actually admitted that? I'm speechless. Since you weren't in "nurse" mode what did you say? I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from being salty.

[JKL33]

Sensitive people have an edge other dont in that they can relate to the "good" patients on an exceptional level, and they can provide amazing care compared to a leather skinned worker that doesnt allow any emotion good or bad to affect them.

People with many different kinds of personalities can take excellent care of patients - it's more in knowing how to read and respond in a manner the situation calls for.

Your assessment of those who don't take things personally is incorrect; it's clear you don't understand the mindset. This isn't to chastise you; it's just to say you don't know that which you don't know. :) [i will edit this to acknowledge that perhaps you [i]do[/i] know something about those you're calling "leather skinned", but your post here does not portray the type very accurately, or perhaps mislabels it. There are those who are just hardened and apathetic to everything, and then there are those of us who don't respond emotionally for completely different reasons...]

Regardless of one's personality, the goal (in my opinion) is to accurately and quickly read a situation and know how to respond appropriately, and then have enough control of one's self to be able to do so. I am not excusing the patient described in the OP, but the outward reaction is not okay. Even if there is a situation that is abusive or otherwise such than limits must be set or an RN must step away from the situation - that would be carried out professionally.

Whether one agrees with Maslow's theories or not, it is interesting to note his take on our human needs, the latter two involving esteem and then self-actualization. We are working, basically, toward self-acceptance. I believe a good chunk of that involves slowly realizing that happiness/self-acceptance (and many other related feelings) must come from within. We are bound to be tossed about, emotionally, for a lifetime, when we are stuck in a mindset that others can dictate our emotions.

That doesn't really sound too "leather-skinned" does it? You'd be surprised how friendly, kind, professionally and empathetically one can respond to others when less concerned with (and focused on) "self."

[dthfytr, ADN, LPN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-I]

Learning opportunites come in strange shapes and forms. In your shoes (I wish) I would turn to humor. When someone throws you a challenge about your age, run with it. "Yeah, due to the nursing shortage they're now giving candy stripers nursing licenses! A little poke here. # tubes of blood and you're out of here.

I'm over 6 feet tall, male. I went into the lobby looking for a patient. As I passed one of the street people waiting he loudly said "everyone knows all the male nurses here are gay." I replied just as loud "that's true! And yet, here you are."

This will get easier for you with experience. If you're losing sleep or having nightmares it may be time for a job change. No job is worth that. You didn't get this far without being strong. You can let people put weight on your shoulders, or you can find another way to handle it. After all you are a fully competent nurse, and that doesn't change because some people are rude. Find ways to manage it. In nursing like in life, there's always a new challenge. Challenges seem really huge till you come up with a solution, then they seem so small. Wishing you a long happy career. Paul.