Harassment, Stalking, Impersonation by Psycho Ex... Name Change?

[HopefulVANurse]

Situation: I had a relationship with a man for 5 years, we became engaged, but I gradually saw a different side of him. He has a history of mental illness in his family, so not all of the crazy things he did can be attributed to character flaws. I'm over it, but I am continually being harassed, stalked, and cyberstalked.

I filed for a restraining order after he stole my dog--a real, walked-into-a-police-station bona fide restraining order. This still hasn't deterred my ex. Even worse, he created surprisingly realistic social media with all of my normal pictures plus intimate pictures he convinced me to let him take while we were together. He used these pictures to add all of my friends and nursing school classmates. The police are reluctant to do anything because we live in a rural area and I feel like they don't know the first thing about what to do because it's a cyber crime.

My ex has further threatened to use my pictures and pretend like I am doing some sort of nude erotica, in order to have my nursing license revoked.

Look, I know I put myself in a vulnerable position when I let him take those pictures of me, but I fear for my life and my career. There aren't too many women in this younger generation who haven't done that, sadly.

My only idea was to file for a name change prior to nursing school and then simply get a job in a different part of this state or another state nearby. [I am shopping for a house, too, so I am terrified that he will be able to find where I live in the county auditor website.] I have already deleted all of my social media so that my ex won't be able to embarrass me in front of new people. Has anyone else dealt with this? I just don't want the online BON stuff to show him anything further about me, or for the hospital to do one of those publicity shoots and I happen to be in the picture... and then he makes a profile like he did before and adds all of the personnel listed in the picture and pretends to be me (and likely will say obscene things like he did before).

Thank you so much for hearing me out, and thank you in advance for any and all advice!!!

[JustBeachyNurse, LPN]

Just so you know filing a name change requires posting public notices so anyone who needs to know or file an objection can. If he set up google alerts on your name then he will be able to know about your name change. This isn't like TV or witness protection. You need legal assistance. Now

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

Internet bullying and cyber stalking are Federal Crimes and You need to take your complaint to the FBI. In addition decimation of Mediaographic images via internet can also be a criminal activity if the subject of the photo was under-age 18 at the time taken or if said subject did not give explicit signed release for the photo's to be viewed by third parties.

Your restraining order can be extended to cover web activity. You need to hire a lawyer to prepare your paper work to file for a cease and desist notice with actions you are prepared to take if his actions continue.

Yes you can change your name and go into hiding but that's no way to live. If local police aren't helping you, you need to go up the food chain to someone who can. If you live in an open carry state You could buy a gun or Taser of pepper spray. I have a concealed weapons permit and for a while after the dissolution of my first marriage I carried a gun. I had it with me everywhere. Carring a gun is not for everyone and it's cumbersome so I ultimately took up Muy Thai Ju Jitsu. Now that I have a teen in my home there is no gun here.

Good luck

Hppy

[DeeAngel]

Remove this post and talk to someone who can give you specific and appropriate information for where you live. Kill your online presence completely.

[smartassmommy]

Self defense, legal help, get some pepper spray. If you opt to get a gun get proper training on how to use it safely.

[Wrench Party]

Let me be BLUNT. His next move will likely be to harm you and/or kill you, especially if he has access to firearms. This is the next logical step in this abuser's actions.

Time to lawyer up, alert the authorities, do *** it takes to stay safe and take control of the situation. Your situation is PRECISELY why identity theft divisions exist in law enforcement.

Let me put it another way. Would you tolerate this happening to your mother/sister/daughter/friend? OF COURSE NOT.

[~Shrek~]

I'm no expert, but isn't taking erotic photos your own personal right and shouldn't it have no effect on your nursing license? Assuming everyone involved is consenting and over 18, can the BRN really revoke your license for that sort of thing? Isn't that a personal values issue, not a safety issue?

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I'm no expert, but isn't taking erotic photos your own personal right and shouldn't it have no effect on your nursing license? Assuming everyone involved is consenting and over 18, can the BRN really revoke your license for that sort of thing? Isn't that a personal values issue, not a safety issue?

There is a thing called "moral character". If the board believes she is active in Mediaography in any way it can cause her license to come under question. It is one thing to have intimate pictures of one's spouse or life partner. It is another completely to be spreading pictures of yourself on the Internet, which though she is not doing it, presumably he intends to make it look as if she is. At the very least this could cost her a lot of money, hassle, reputation and destroy her employability in the community in which she lives.

He is dispicable OP. Please protect yourself. I would suggest not only keeping a log of all conversations with police including date, time and name but also a log of any and all contact you have with him, whether through social media, text, in person, threats against yourself, your pets, your family or your friends.

You are in danger. Act now and act quickly. Praying for your safety and peace of mind. I am sure this feels surreal. Please please take it seriously and please let ALL your friends and family know what he is up to so they can protect themselves as well as look out for you.

[OlivetheRN, ADN, BSN, RN]

Let me be BLUNT. His next move will likely be to harm you and/or kill you, especially if he has access to firearms. This is the next logical step in this abuser's actions.

Time to lawyer up, alert the authorities, do *** it takes to stay safe and take control of the situation. Your situation is PRECISELY why identity theft divisions exist in law enforcement.

Let me put it another way. Would you tolerate this happening to your mother/sister/daughter/friend? OF COURSE NOT.

This. Speaking from personal experience, you need to take PP's advice and do so quickly. Men like this do not become bored and disappear. They escalate and they take action. Please take the necessary steps to get legal help and protect yourself. Reach out to the authorities and go higher if the local autorities won't take you and the situation seriously.

[Irish_Mist, BSN, RN]

If your local police department is not helping you, contact the FBI. Since this has moved into cyber territory, this would more than likely be in the realm of federal crime. Document EVERYTHING. I would get a lawyer who could maybe advise you on contacting the board of nursing. Maybe if you could show proof of not being the one spreading these images, you won't have an issue with your license.

First and foremost, think of your safety rather than your career. Men like this always escalate. No matter what you do, get a lawyer and get one now. This will not go away without some legal help especially if the local police aren't helping.

[Thought, BSN, RN]

Hey hun,

I agree with following what the pps have said. I have a few other tidbits to add. Purchase wasp spray (yes, the one you use to kill wasps outside your house) and carry it in your car, purse, and home- in particularly, the bathroom. Wasp spray is more potent than pepper spray, and men are most likely to attack a woman in the bathroom (especially when they're in the shower). Also, if he does not have your cell number, I recommend downloading the app "SahAya." It will send out an emergency alert to 10 contacts you trust when you feel your life is being threatened. It uses your location to alert your loved ones where you are so the police can be called.

Your life is in danger. Please keep a record of everything that has happened thus far and anything that happens later. This isn't a guy who will listen and go away. He will continue to do more and more. Please stay safe, and stay alert to your surroundings. If he's breaking the restraining order, contact the police immediately, and get to a public place if possible. If any of your loved ones try to talk you into getting back with him, please cease communication with them- they are not to be trusted and will not have your back. If you stay at your house, install cameras that you can use to view your house via phone while you are at work.

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

Previous posters have had spot on advice. If you want to read up (which, granted, may not be at the top of your priority list), Why Does He Do That? is also an excellent book.

You are in danger. Get a lawyer. Notify the authorities. The ones you have notified are not responding appropriately; notify other authorities.

If you are concerned about identity theft extending to legal or banking issues, put a credit freeze on yourself.

If you want to reduce your own actual online presence, try Just Delete Me.

Google may be able to help remove your intimate photographs from its search results.

Document EVERYTHING HE DOES. What he does, when he does it, how he does it. Use your phone to get photographs, video, audio recordings as proof.

Make contact with a women's shelter. They may have more specialized info to help you, and may have safe places for you to go if you need more protection.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you can get back to a point where you feel safe.

[sailornurse]

Reading this reminded me of 2 movies that illustrate this situation. Enough with Jennifer Lopez & Sleeping With the Enemy with Julia Roberts.

I worked with a CNA that was in an abusive relationship. She often came to work with bruises & black eyes. "He" would come to the unit, up on the floor every evening during her meal break. "He" did not have a job. We as a group took up a collection after she confided she had an escape plan. Our manger was aware of the plan and agreed to give her positive reference. We had a going away potluck. And then, she left. "He" came to the unit looking for her. "He" did this for a few days in a row since she did not come home. About another year or two later, we had a new nurse on the unit. She had met a new guy and was all excited. One day her boyfriend came up to the unit. Yup, it was "Him". It was not long before she started coming to work with bruises & black eyes. We all told her but she did not believe us.