Harassment, Stalking, Impersonation by Psycho Ex... Name Change?

Nurses General Nursing

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Situation: I had a relationship with a man for 5 years, we became engaged, but I gradually saw a different side of him. He has a history of mental illness in his family, so not all of the crazy things he did can be attributed to character flaws. I'm over it, but I am continually being harassed, stalked, and cyberstalked.

I filed for a restraining order after he stole my dog--a real, walked-into-a-police-station bona fide restraining order. This still hasn't deterred my ex. Even worse, he created surprisingly realistic social media with all of my normal pictures plus intimate pictures he convinced me to let him take while we were together. He used these pictures to add all of my friends and nursing school classmates. The police are reluctant to do anything because we live in a rural area and I feel like they don't know the first thing about what to do because it's a cyber crime.

My ex has further threatened to use my pictures and pretend like I am doing some sort of nude erotica, in order to have my nursing license revoked.

Look, I know I put myself in a vulnerable position when I let him take those pictures of me, but I fear for my life and my career. There aren't too many women in this younger generation who haven't done that, sadly.

My only idea was to file for a name change prior to nursing school and then simply get a job in a different part of this state or another state nearby. [I am shopping for a house, too, so I am terrified that he will be able to find where I live in the county auditor website.] I have already deleted all of my social media so that my ex won't be able to embarrass me in front of new people. Has anyone else dealt with this? I just don't want the online BON stuff to show him anything further about me, or for the hospital to do one of those publicity shoots and I happen to be in the picture... and then he makes a profile like he did before and adds all of the personnel listed in the picture and pretends to be me (and likely will say obscene things like he did before).

Thank you so much for hearing me out, and thank you in advance for any and all advice!!!

Specializes in NICU, Trauma, Oncology.
Read the book " the Gift of Fear"

it has great advice about situations like yours

Great book.

As PPs said. Get your state police involved. Get a lawyer. Contact Facebook (and have your friends do the same) and flag any false profiles/photos masquerading as you as fraudulent. You need to take this seriously - for your life not just your career.

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Specializes in NICU, Trauma, Oncology.
Reading this reminded me of 2 movies that illustrate this situation. Enough with Jennifer Lopez & Sleeping With the Enemy with Julia Roberts.

I worked with a CNA that was in an abusive relationship. She often came to work with bruises & black eyes. "He" would come to the unit, up on the floor every evening during her meal break. "He" did not have a job. We as a group took up a collection after she confided she had an escape plan. Our manger was aware of the plan and agreed to give her positive reference. We had a going away potluck. And then, she left. "He" came to the unit looking for her. "He" did this for a few days in a row since she did not come home. About another year or two later, we had a new nurse on the unit. She had met a new guy and was all excited. One day her boyfriend came up to the unit. Yup, it was "Him". It was not long before she started coming to work with bruises & black eyes. We all told her but she did not believe us.

Such a sad, sad story.

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Read the book " the Gift of Fear"

it has great advice about situations like yours

One of the most important books I've ever read. I think it should be mandatory reading for every high school student in America.

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing.

To the OP, please follow the advice that the other posters have mentioned. By your descriptions that you have posted of your ex's previous behavior he is likely mentally ill but also very dangerous and trying to change your name and move away quietly is likely not going to solve the problem perminantly. I say that this won't solve the problem because (a) this isn't fair that you have to live in fear and on the run, and (b) if he ends up posting all of these pictures on social media to ruin your name and it catches up to you in another state without you reporting him it may appear that you were trying to hide something from another board of nursing (BON). As other users have said, I suggest that you contact your state law enforcement agencies and follow up with this up the chain of command. This is your life and your safety, don't give up without a fight.

PS: I hope you know that all men are not like this guy, most of us know how to treat others with respect and dignity. In strength and support my friend.

!Chris :specs:

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Specializes in Flight Nursing, Emergency, Forensics, SANE, Trauma.

I don't have any advice but I did want to say I wish you the best of luck and I am sorry you're going through this!

*hugs* stay strong and protect yourself. You don't have to go through this alone.

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I have a similar situation but not nearly as bad. A student who did clinicals at my previous job got my number and full name from staff book. Has been stalking and harassing me for a little while. I live with my hubby so im not scared when I'm with him but scared when im alone. Cops can't do anything cause he hasn't harmed me but I left that job. I'm sorry that this happened to you. PPs advice is excellent.

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Specializes in ER.
I have a similar situation but not nearly as bad. A student who did clinicals at my previous job got my number and full name from staff book. Has been stalking and harassing me for a little while. I live with my hubby so im not scared when I'm with him but scared when im alone. Cops can't do anything cause he hasn't harmed me but I left that job. I'm sorry that this happened to you. PPs advice is excellent.

I hope you reported him to the school and BON!

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I did and he got expelled. Is still stalking. :/ my hubby knows. I feel safe with him but seems that the law is not always helpful.

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Wow, these stories are scary. I feel very lucky that I've never experienced this. I hope and pray that my daughters do not either. Stay safe, people.

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There is a thing called "moral character". If the board believes she is active in Mediaography in any way it can cause her license to come under question. It is one thing to have intimate pictures of one's spouse or life partner. It is another completely to be spreading pictures of yourself on the Internet, which though she is not doing it, presumably he intends to make it look as if she is. At the very least this could cost her a lot of money, hassle, reputation and destroy her employability in the community in which she lives.

I see. I am pretty conservative and I don't agree with doing Media and related things, but I don't think it should affect your license.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
I see. I am pretty conservative and I don't agree with doing Media and related things, but I don't think it should affect your license.

Me too, but it is what it is. At least until someone puts us in charge.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

You've gotten some excellent advice from previous posters.

My own situation was almost 30 years ago -- I left my abusive husband with nothing but the clothes on my back and one of my two dogs right after he tried to strangle me to death. You aren't the only one to have ever been in a situation like this. There was no cyberstalking in my situation (no internet). But he damaged my female golden retriever so badly that she feared men for the rest of her life, then dropped her off in my car while I was at work.

I changed my name (first and last) and moved 3000 miles to get away from him. It was easier to do in those days. Now, if I google myself I can see my old name in my history, but he seems to have moved on to other women.

There are some wonderful threads on domestic violence on this forum, inluding my own threads:

https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-discussion/domestic-violence-what-1020700.html

https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-discussion/domestic-violence-the-1019827.html

https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-discussion/domestic-violence-rebuilding-1020723.html

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