I dropped out. Please console me

  1. I feel awful.

    I decided today to withdraw from my MSN-Ed program. After one failed semester.

    This was not a decision made lightly. I've been agonizing about it for months.

    It's just not the right time for me to do this. When I started, I felt ready, but as I moved through the coursework, I felt repelled. I started putting it off and procrastinating deeper and deeper. I just could NOT bring myself to do the work. Yes; it was an online program and a REALLY good one at that. But my mouth and mind would fill with bitterness the second I opened my laptop.

    It's an odd combo of things. 1) I had SUCH an awful time in my BSN program I think I'm totally repelled by any academic ANYTHING. Seriously. My stomach twists into knots at the very thought of nursing theory or writing papers or doing research. I didn't expect to feel like this. 2) I don't think online school is for me. I need the structure and interaction of a classroom setting. 3) I am really enjoying my life right now. I finally found a job I like, my personal life and finances are finally good, I'm working on getting healthier - and the LAST thing I discovered I want to do is worry about a paper being due or staying up until 2am reading some evidence-based research.

    I was given a scholarship for this program, and feel TERRIBLE wasting it voluntarily. I guess it's better than flunking out, but man. I feel horrible, like some ungrateful princess.

    This also stinks because I'm used to being a straight-A, overachieving academic rock star my whole life. This is extremely out of character for me and my friends and family will be shocked.

    I would still like to do it, but just not right now. Now is not the time. I would rather cautiously back away than struggle and fail.

    Someone. Anyone. Please tell me this is okay! That I'm being mature and rational, right? That this isn't INSANE?
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    About mclennan, BSN

    Joined: Sep '06; Posts: 747; Likes: 2,256


  3. by   MJB2010
    There are a lot worse things you could do. Its a shame to waste the scholarship, but one of the hardest things in life is being honest with yourself. You weren't ready, but you learned a few things. You learned what is not going to work for you. Now you know, not online next time. One of the hardest things for nurses is taking care of ourselves, sounds like you made the right decision for you right now. If the stress was too much, you have to be honest with yourself.

    I think if you make some sort of loose action plan you will feel better. Action 1, choose a non online program, action 2 go in the next 5 years or something. Don't give yourself any deadlines yet, just a loose plan so you know where you are headed and can feel good about that.
  4. by   beeker
    Meh! I am so burnt out from school! I have no desire to go back aside from wanting desperately to get out of bedside nursing. If you are happy at your current position, then you've got time. Take some time to relax and enjoy what you've got , then later on, if you feel the need, go back to school. But if you have no need for a higher degree at the moment, then be true to yourself.
  5. by   SleeepyRN
    Straight A overachiever? Heck, give yourself the break. Enjoy your life right now, I say
  6. by   proud nurse
    If the timing isn't right, then it just isn't. I had a friend who dropped out with just one and a half semesters to go. He was struggling, barely passing at the time he dropped, but could've turned it around with some help and more effort. He finally was true to himself and said his heart wasn't in it. Take the break that you need, and when the time is right I think you'll feel it. I think it's good when we listen to that little voice telling us something's not right.
  7. by   akanini
    Wow! You're scaring me. I just applied to Excelsior's MDNEd program and got an acceptance letter after MUCH procrastination!
  8. by   TGarr
    Let it go! Go do something happy & fun! Take a vacation! You have come a long way already! Maybe you just need a break! Go live your life! Take a deep breath.
  9. by   EmJeanRN
    You answered all your own questions. Give yourself a break. Enjoy your new job, your life and your freedom from school. You have already proven you can do good work. Now you need time to explore the nurse in you and let the student take a break. I am 58 and in school. It is never to late. But, only one shot to live life well. School, scholarship, more school is always there waiting for you. Take time to enjoy your life and see where you want to go. Churning out school classes and degrees is not the main prize. You know the answer. Relax. Take a break. You are still worthy, validated and going somewhere. Take the break.
  10. by   bebbercorn
    "I don't think online school is for me. I need the structure and interaction of a classroom setting."

    I think you nailed it on the head. Take some time for yourself and enjoy the job that you love! When you're ready, you can go local. Best of luck!
  11. by   nursel56
    You may be insane, but not about this decision. :-) j/k. I've never regretted making a decision that came from that gut level thing, and I've likewise put myself through the ringer of destructive thoughts involving what I should be able to do and why don't I just suck it up and plow through anyway etc etc etc,--- a complete waste of time.

    Enjoy the balance of your life right now, pat yourself on the back for having the good sense to protect it, and know that when the time is right to take another go at it, your gut will tell you that, too.
  12. by   netglow
    You know, I think that you might consider getting a masters in something else. I think you are sort of like me in that you can't trick yourself into doing stupid stuff. Those days are over.

    The only thing that is really bothering you in this is that it was free. That's hard to swallow and is the only reason you are upset. You know that the nursing content in the program is irritating your highly trained thoroughbred brain cells whether online or in class, it'll be silly nursing stuff, more about nursing theory, maybe care-planning, etc (enough to make you puke, enough to make me sympathy barf writing this post )! Why not spend a little time entertaining a degree that is outside healthcare?
  13. by   BSNbeauty
    I could have written this post, except I'm doing my RN to bsn online. I hate writing papers and try to put it off. I'd rather scratch my eyes out than write a research paper. Unfortunately I have no choice. I was just hired at a magnet hospital and must get my bsn. Sigh
  14. by   Neats
    Sounds like you need some reassurance, so here goes:

    So far getting your BSN shows you have what it takes. Nursing school is hard. You have demonstrated that you can do what you set your mind up to do. Timing is important and maybe you just need to step back and when you are ready again it sounds like you know yourself enough to make the right decision for you. You are a fortunate person who recognize in yourself what is best for you. Some people are not that self-aware. Good Luck in your future endeavors.