Having issues with being a "babyfaced" nurse.

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hi there,

Im having professional issues with looking young, i have the big eyes, high eyebrows, chubby cheeks, and weak chin. Ive been a nurse for only a yr working at a family doctor/walk in clinic environment, Im in densely populated area in a big city. I cant take it anymore. Im not being treated well, I know some of you will point the finger at me as if its something im doing but i promise i work hard and meticiously and i put patients first. Im not getting any respect as time goes on and patients are constantly testing me and making comments about my age and appearance, i have learned to brush it off and carry myself with confidence (even subconsiously speak with a deeper voice). I thought i would get a better and it is in some ways, theres always been patients ive connected with instantly and even the ones just looking to get in and out its a pleasent enough experience however the bad apples are ruining my personality and there are more bad apples than people think, i dont know if i can do this anymore, today i had a patient sit down on the chair before doing blood work and start bullying me about my age before i even had a chance to interact with her or say much to her, i got mad, im human, i couldnt proceed with the blood work causes i was shaking (d/t not being able to express my anger and taking a lot of ****, i just had a strong emotional reaction finally) asked her to come back another day, she scuffed and said "and your gonna work with people?" i looked at her and she seemed to take such pleasure in what she was doing. I cried in the bathroom after, thats a first for me. A person can only take so much. I feel like society is gettin worse and worse with its rudeness. Im already fed up, i tried to express myself to a coworker but she just laughed. I think the reason i got so upset is cause a spent a yr working really hard, im stressed, we are understaffed and this woman had the audacity to try to cut me down. She was vile.

Im in my late 20s, there are a couple of girls who i think look younger than me and actually are but i never see them get this as much, i dont know what it is about me, im pretty blank and stoic, ive learned to be... So i dont know

Does anyone have advice for me? Or have been through this? Or have someone they know who have been through this and found a solution? Im considering leaving nursing, as hard as ive worked so far, my mental health and selfesteem is suffering. Where does someone with a babyface face even fit in the professional world? I know that sounds weird but im serious, i know to be tough but id rather just be my normal self and do my job without being harrassed. People f with me more than they do others, i noticed this in nursing school as well.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, typed on my phone

Ash you're getting a lot of crap from the people here but that's normal for this site - there will always be those who will cut anybody down who's asking for help on allnurses. "Get some help, honey," attitudes dripping with sickly-sweet sarcasm is the best you'll do with them, so ignore that stuff and focus on the people who have genuinely shown that they care about you and offered some advice.

As one of the people who suggested she get some help from a professional to learn how to handle these kind of situations I'm not taking offense at your post. You know why? Because Ash seems to be strong enough and mature enough to listen to those of us who actually HAVE experience in this situation. You know why I know that? Look at her response to my post. She knows she isn't being bullied and that those of us who responded are trying to help her grow professionally. Sometimes for that to happen a little light needs to be shined on our short-comings. She also readily admitted that she needs some help and has been considering it long before she made her post. Not a soul here said that how she was being treated was acceptable. Ash doesn't need someone to stand up for her. She seems to be handling this just fine without anybody's help.

Specializes in Med-surg, school nursing..

When people used to comment on me looking too young to be a nurse I would comment "Yep, I am young, but that just means I am smart and knew what I wanted and achieved it." It usually shut them up.

Will you trade your baby face for my age and wisdom? Seriously, I guess I never thought of any downside however I can see how it would occur; I have never had a baby face and, at 6' tall, carried myself with confidence yet found others thought of me as rather an imposing presence in spite of being thin.

I used this to my advantage with bully managers just by standing ram-rod straight. I would say in your case keep up the confidence and try to remember it may not be about you at all, it may just be that some patients resent you your youth. Some people just love to pull other peoples' chain to get a reaction; never, ever give them the satisfaction. They are like sharks who smell blood in the water (I have known a few and they push buttons on whatever they think a weakness is.) I was 36 upon graduating from college and tend to forget how young nurses can be if they go straight from high school but I go out of my way to not have them feel insecure; hospitalized very few times and when I have been made it a habit not to look at my hand/arm if someone is starting an IV/drawing blood. Puts others' much more at ease not to have the patient staring at the site.

You are right, society does seem to be getting a bit less polite. We are all divided by a hundred different things it seems of late.

Specializes in nurseline,med surg, PD.

Some people are just mean. I would have been unhappy too.

Specializes in nurseline,med surg, PD.

If it weren't your face it would have been your height or weight or skin color. Gotta just ignore the meanies.

Maybe you react too emotionally amd nervously? What did this woman say about your age? Did she say something like "are you a student? You are so young". Thats not really any offence. I have advice that you meet counsellor and speak about this issue. I doubt you are bullied because of chuby cheeks.

Specializes in Urgent Care, Oncology.
Here is the thing. There are certain patients who will try to get to you. For some reason they derive satisfaction from it. For you they pick on the young thing. For others they will figure out the way to get to them by doing the same thing for weight, skin color, looks, or any other vulnerability they can pick at.

This this this! I echo the sentiment. I get patients who ask me all the time how long I've been doing this. I'm not baby-faced per se, but I'm 31 and look 23 so people always expect that I'm a new grad. Some people are just looking for a fight and there is nothing you can do about it. If I have a patient like that I will offer another nurse if available.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Ash you're getting a lot of crap from the people here but that's normal for this site - there will always be those who will cut anybody down who's asking for help on allnurses. "Get some help, honey," attitudes dripping with sickly-sweet sarcasm is the best you'll do with them, so ignore that stuff and focus on the people who have genuinely shown that they care about you and offered some advice. Personally I don't know how to help because I don't have the experience yet, but I will say that coming here and talking about it shows that you're strong. You want to be a great nurse and that's 95% of the battle. Being mediocre isn't good enough for you and you want to be seen as a nurse deserving of respect. Well, you are deserving of respect!

If this post offends some people then they're most likely the bullies that I warned you against, ash. I will apologize for a lot of things but I will never apologize for standing up to a bully.

Oh my, you're getting off to a great start, aren't you?

No one bullied the OP. Suggesting that she get help with an issue that made her too upset to care for her patient is good advice, not bullying. When you have some experience, perhaps you will be able to recognize good advice.

Please don't take your offensive, looking-for-bullies attitude out into the clinicals or the workplace. You may actually find bullies, even if there aren't any.

YOU GOTTA POST A SELFIE UP HERE FOR US TO TAKE A LOOK TO SEE HOW YOUNG YOU LOOK! HEHEHE, IM ONLY JK! hmnnnmn.... honestly, I think I've been here once a few years ago... but the stress of nursing got me looking older quick, lolz. after like a year or two, patients or fam members stopped talking to me as if i'm a little kid. What I think is, its a positive thing!!! You look young and you're a nurse - full of future ahead of you. And you're just in your late 20s! that's perfect. Don't worry too much about what they say. If they want to test you, you go ahead and answer them. At some times, they will learn to shut up bc there's nothing about you that they should doubt. Be confident and make sure you review all your studies from nursing school. In case when you get hit up by other patients, fam members, or even staffs, you know what the answer is. Eventually, they'll leave you alone.

Specializes in MCH,NICU,NNsy,Educ,Village Nursing.

I haven't looked baby faced in as many years as some if not most of you have lived, so I can't really identify with the OP. However, I can say this: don't let what people think of the way you look get to you. If you act mature, you will be perceived as older. If you act as immature, you will be perceived as younger, and perhaps less trustworthy. Don't be so sensitive to people making comments about how young you look, OP. There are worse things in life to get upset about, such as losing a patient, not being able to affect change when change is needed, thinking too highly or lowly of oneself, the list can go on.

Tbh, I'll never understand why adults complain about looking young. I'm 27 and am still asked what year I am in high school and it doesn't bother me at all. Sure when I was 13 I hated it but just think of how great it will be when we're 40 and people assume we're 30! Personally, I'd like to look young and fresh for as long as possible. But maybe that's just me. lol

Specializes in Pediatrics, Women’s Health.

I really don't think that your looking young is the main issue here. The patient was wrong to speak to you the way that she did, but this is going to happen. If the worst thing a patient does to you in your career is comment on how young you look, I would say you are in excellent shape. Perhaps this is something you are super self conscious about in your every day life, or maybe you are lacking confidence in your nursing skills - I don't know. You mentioned you are going to see a therapist, I think that is a great idea. Over your career, you are going to meet some really great people - focus on them. As far as the jerks, just go in, do your job, and get out. You can't let them get to you.

I would also like to suggest the possibility that you are getting burnt out in your current position. Maybe it's time to try something new?

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