Gay labeling, is it just plain mean? Or sexual harrassment?

[CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN]

recently i was approaching another nurse (who happens to be effeminate and thought to be gay, but who cares really?) to give report and when beginning report was dumbfounded when a nurse in the hallway said to another nurse: "ooo! a gay nurse giving report to another gay nurse!" now, i felt hurt. i am not your typical bakersfield area macho dude, but what gives her the right to put me into any box. i am affraid to bring this to management or possibly write her up for sexual harrassment. i told my wife that i am even fearful of having conversations with men that appear flamboyantly gay for being categorized; not that i am scared of turning gay. sometimes i feel that it might be easier in the field to be gay and kind than to be heterosexual and kind. i just hate this crap. really quite irritating to have your coworker who you think is a smart nurse make such a cruel judgement call on her coworker. anyway, your thoughts on this topic...

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Cruel? No, unless you think being thought gay is "bad." But also not funny. Quite stupid and insensitive.

[Joe NightingMale, MSN, RN]

I wouldn't say it was cruel either, but a stupid and inconsiderate comment. Perhaps you could have a quiet, diplomatic word with this co-worker...

I am curious about what a "Bakersfield area macho dude" is...the only thing I know about Bakersfield is that John from "CHiPs" was from there.

[labcat01, BSN, RN]

It isn't cruel but it is very inappropriate for the work place. I can't imagine what that nurse was thinking when she said. I'm pretty sure a comment like that would get you fired here.

[indigo girl]

I agree that it is not funny. I think that it is best to take that nurse aside, and

let her know that it was inappropriate as well as untrue. You do not need to make a big issue out of it, but let her know that it was not appreciated, and most probably would be considered as a type of harrassment even if you do not want to pursue that officially. Most likely, that person did not think that her remark was offensive. She needs to know that other people think that it is, and therefore, it is inappropriate.

[deeDawntee, RN]

I think it IS cruel. How would it be received if someone said OOOO, one black nurse giving report to another black nurse... it is the condescending nature of the OOOOOO part that is absolutely cruel, rude and unneccessary along with pointing out someone's sexuality in the workplace (that is also a public place). Totally, inappropriate... and of course this person was making a false assumption of the OP's sexuality!!

How about these comments: OOOO there's one old nurse giving report to another old nurse....

or there's one lesbian nurse giving report to another lesbian nurse

or there's one fat nurse giving report to another fat nurse

Personally, I wouldn't put up with it...that person should be talked to and counseled as to what is appropriate and inappropriate in the workplace.

[neenja]

wow, that is labeling and it is mean. ignorance or not, i would call that contributing to a hostile work environment. i vote for write up.

on a related note, i had been wondering about something similar lately. seems like every male nurse i've ever known about was somewhat effeminate. not necessarily gay, just effeminate. i am neither gay nor effeminate and don't know how or whether i'd fit in this profession.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

I think it IS cruel. How would it be received if someone said OOOO, one black nurse giving report to another black nurse... it is the condescending nature of the OOOOOO part that is absolutely cruel, rude and unneccessary along with pointing out someone's sexuality in the workplace (that is also a public place). Totally, inappropriate... and of course this person was making a false assumption of the OP's sexuality!!

How about these comments: OOOO there's one old nurse giving report to another old nurse....

or there's one lesbian nurse giving report to another lesbian nurse

or there's one fat nurse giving report to another fat nurse

I understand what you mean, but I read it more as someone humor-impaired trying to bond by funnin' with a joke that was neither funny nor appropriate.

But hey, I could be wrong. It's been known to happen.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I think you have to nip it in the bud and confront the person and let them know you didn't appreciate it. You'll probably find they weren't trying to be cruel but cute and funny, which they weren't.

Be secure in yourself, however that is manifested, be it kind, tenderhearted, gentle and other non-masculine qualities. If you're secure in your sexuality and the person/nurse you want to be you're not going to be worried a bit if people think you're gay just because you're a male nurse who happens to be kind.

But if people call you gay and make fun of you, and that bothers you, you need to advocate for yourself first before you report it to management.

Good luck.

[pickledpepperRN]

I agree it is best to talk with the person first.

Some people just don't know. The goal is to stop inappropriate behavior, not to get a fellow nurse in trouble.

Oops, I saw this on "New Posts". I didn't mean to respond to the "Male Nursing Forum"

[CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN]

wow, that is labeling and it is mean. ignorance or not, i would call that contributing to a hostile work environment. i vote for write up.

on a related note, i had been wondering about something similar lately. seems like every male nurse i've ever known about was somewhat effeminate. not necessarily gay, just effeminate. i am neither gay nor effeminate and don't know how or whether i'd fit in this profession.

men who are less macho, more thoughtful and caring in our profession is common place, however i've known many men who are gay, be straight in everyway, no effeminate qualities whatsoever. so it is impossible to tell a person's orientation from their outward appearance. i would not categorize myself as being effeminate, however hearing this comment from a coworker made me feel hurt and question my own behavior; and maybe that's the point. to make me feel hurt and less than herself. she does have a mean streak and likes to tease. i have a wife and daughter, but even that does not prove sexual preferences. i am not at work to prove or validate my sexual being, i'm their to help people transition out of the hospital.

thanks to all who have contributed to this thread. i find it very therapeutic.

[RNDreamer]

i agree that it should be nipped in the bud, whether it is done by you speaking to that nurse, or reporting the nurse. ...when the nurse made that comment, whether or not it was made for you to hear, s/he did not care if it was hurtful, innappropriate, etc. And you should not feel uncomfortable with speaking to that male coworker again just because of what was said. Don't let anyone make your work environment uncomfortable.