Gay labeling, is it just plain mean? Or sexual harrassment?

malenurse1 · Sep 4, 2007

I would report the offender. Comments like that are way out of line and unacceptable in a professional environment, and it doenst matter if you are straight, gay or bi-sexual. That type of behavior should not be tolerated under any circumstances.

CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN · Sep 4, 2007

i would report the offender. comments like that are way out of line and unacceptable in a professional environment, and it doenst matter if you are straight, gay or bi-sexual. that type of behavior should not be tolerated under any circumstances.

thank you for this, i think i will definetly report this incident. i don't want others to suffer under such torment. even though i'm feeling better by the minute reading everyone's posts.

you want to know the awful thing about this whole scenario? well, this nurse was precepting an orientee; she was in a mentor role!!!

i just want to confront her the next time i see her with the orientee and tell her how i feel and how this type of behavior should not be modeled to a new nurse beginning a professional career!

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Sep 4, 2007

I agree it was rude and offensive. If it was meant to be funny it wasn't.

gonzo1, ASN, RN · Sep 4, 2007

That nurse was totally out of line. She absolutely should not be precepting with that kind of behavior. She would have been fired at our place for a comment like that.

Sabby_NC · Sep 4, 2007

:uhoh21:I am so sorry this happened to you but I agree with the posts above. I would certainly have a quiet word with this particular person. Inform them what they said was inappropriate and unnecessary. Inform them if it happens again you WILL take action.

Be the professional that you are and ask her to be the same. To have a healthy working environment we all need to be respectful of the other no matter what color, sexual orientation or the like.

Yes NIP it right now. Hang in there mate.

santhony44, MSN, RN, NP · Sep 4, 2007

Also, I would hate for something like this to affect your ability to be caring towards others.

I'm female and have worked with a number of nurses over the years who happened to be male. I've never seen where caring had any correlation whatsoever with sexual orientation. Seeing someone be gentle, kind, etc. does not automatically suggest anything to me about that person's sexuality. I just don't think about it.

(Of course, I personally prefer to not know any details of any co-worker's sex life, period.)

Continue to take care of your patients and communicate appropriately with your co-workers. Don't worry about what this person, nor anyone else, thinks.

vamedic4, EMT-P · Sep 4, 2007

recently i was approaching another nurse (who happens to be effeminate and thought to be gay, but who cares really?) to give report and when beginning report was dumbfounded when a nurse in the hallway said to another nurse: "ooo! a gay nurse giving report to another gay nurse!" now, i felt hurt. i am not your typical bakersfield area macho dude, but what gives her the right to put me into any box. i am affraid to bring this to management or possibly write her up for sexual harrassment. i told my wife that i am even fearful of having conversations with men that appear flamboyantly gay for being categorized; not that i am scared of turning gay. sometimes i feel that it might be easier in the field to be gay and kind than to be heterosexual and kind. i just hate this crap. really quite irritating to have your coworker who you think is a smart nurse make such a cruel judgement call on her coworker. anyway, your thoughts on this topic...

first off, i'm sorry this happened to you. ridiculous as it is, some people act this way. perhaps it was meant as a joke, but it may underscore what some people believe is your sexual orientation. most people don't care one way or another what thier coworkers sexual orientation is, but, alas...some find it their "calling" to point these things out, even if they're completely inaccurate in their assessment.

either way it needs to be stopped, as it is inappropriate in the workplace setting.

i do agree with others that you need to sit down with this person and explain things to them..that you're not gay and don't appreciate the label. that will go a long way to stopping these types of events from happening. if it continues after your "discussion"...write her butt up. no one should have to tolerate that type of juvenile behaviour. and some people only learn after they've had some type of action taken against them...ie-learning the "hard" way, definitely not the smart way.

tweety and others are correct - advocate for yourself first...have a heart to heart with this person and let them know that 1. it was inappropriate:trout: 2. it was rude 3. you certainly didn't appreciate it and 4. if it happens again it will be reported to management. it's certainly the kind of thing that creates divisiveness in the workplace, and who the heck needs any more of that?

all the best,

vamedic4

Zookeeper3 · Sep 4, 2007

What tweety said times two! If this happened to me I'd pull the offending nurse aside and let them know that my sexual orientation... which is part of our harassment policy... is none of their business nor should be commented on in the workplace..... PERIOD, end of discussion and I'd be ready to accept an apology and leave it at that.

Geeze! On a side note, we all know each other very well... we rag on each other until we're in tears. We've never crossed the line of race and sexual orientation in our joking.... its unprofessional.... even while I'm making jokes about your family tree that doesn't branch. That is the place that no one goes. It was clearly out of line, tell that to the nurse.

HM2VikingRN, RN · Sep 4, 2007

Over the line. I think it can be handled with a simple I don't appreciate those kinds of comments conversation. If it happened again after that conversation I would report it up the chain of command.

nursemike, ASN, RN · Sep 4, 2007

wow, that is labeling and it is mean. ignorance or not, i would call that contributing to a hostile work environment. i vote for write up.
on a related note, i had been wondering about something similar lately. seems like every male nurse i've ever known about was somewhat effeminate. not necessarily gay, just effeminate. i am neither gay nor effeminate and don't know how or whether i'd fit in this profession.

I was a carpenter for 25 years before I entered healthcare. Nailing boards together didn't make me macho, and caring for people doesn't make me effeminate. I was, and am, a kind, gentle, compassionate person. That doesn't make me less manly--it makes me a better person.

There are a number of male nurses at my facility. Of those I know well enough to know their sexual orientation, very few are gay. If I'm honest, I can think of a few I might say seem a bit effeminate, but I don't know their orientation.

I can relate to the OP's distress over being "accused" of homosexuality.

As others have noted, being gay is not shameful, so being mistaken for gay shouldn't be hurtful. There's a difference, though, in being mistaken for gay by a gay man inviting one out on a date and being called gay in an attempt to disparage one's manhood. One can make a very good argument that being openly gay and true to oneself in the face of all the adversity that entails is an example of manliness. It's an unfortunate reality, though, that many bigots intend "gay" to be a perjorative, and it's that intention that is "cruel."

I agree with Tweety, that the best solution is to be secure in oneself, whatever one's orientation, and not let the opinions of small-minded people affect one's self-image. I also agree that the offending party needs to be called on it, but I wouldn't "take them aside." Some criticism should indeed be done privately. A person who makes an honest mistake shouldn't be needlessly embarassed or made uncomfortable. But the incident cited was not an honest mistake, and a blunt, public rebuttal is perfectly appropriate. Without being abusive, one should make it perfectly clear that such remarks are improper and will be dealt with promptly if repeated.

Spyral · Sep 4, 2007

For your information. Buddy, you do not just turn gay. You are either born gay or you aren't. There isn't a gay virus that you catch and there is no gay influence. Gay or not gay. It's as simple as that. And yes it is terrible to be labeled something that you aren't, but let's face the facts. The whole world labels you whatever they want. Don't let it get to you.

lpnguy26 · Sep 5, 2007

Funny post, Its upsetting to be called something your not, you should report but you still know it wont change how she feels about you. I learned to disregard peoples opinions when it comes to men in nursing. I've experienced mixed reactions when i entered nursing and still will i'm sure. Some nurses think i'm gay/straight/bi/metrosexual lol. I find myself being very warm,polite, helpful at work, i may take it to extreme at times...but i guess its me getting into nurse mode, once the shift is over....you're likely to see a transformation b4 i hit the door. When i get home its guy stuff, beer, sports, cursing, burps and farts. Sometimes at work I ask myself am i being nursey enough for the day, then i'd get in nurse mode.