Gay labeling, is it just plain mean? Or sexual harrassment?

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recently i was approaching another nurse (who happens to be effeminate and thought to be gay, but who cares really?) to give report and when beginning report was dumbfounded when a nurse in the hallway said to another nurse: "ooo! a gay nurse giving report to another gay nurse!" now, i felt hurt. i am not your typical bakersfield area macho dude, but what gives her the right to put me into any box. i am affraid to bring this to management or possibly write her up for sexual harrassment. i told my wife that i am even fearful of having conversations with men that appear flamboyantly gay for being categorized; not that i am scared of turning gay. sometimes i feel that it might be easier in the field to be gay and kind than to be heterosexual and kind. i just hate this crap. really quite irritating to have your coworker who you think is a smart nurse make such a cruel judgement call on her coworker. anyway, your thoughts on this topic...

Specializes in Med-Surg.
With this, I agree. None of my female friends has ever gained peer approval by burping the alphabet or lighting her flatulence.

None of my gay friends either. It's a straight guy thing. :lol2:

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

That's the thing, these people weren't just having an opinion, they were acting like immature high schoolers. They were making a totally presumptuous comment about the sexual preferences of two colleages in the hallway in an idiotic fashion. It would be the same as saying "Oh, look, two Jewish nurses giving report to each other!" or " Oh, two Racists giving report to one another!", or "Oh look, two Born Againers reporting off to each other!". I mean, what a totally stupid and loudmouthed thing to say. Then, it turns out the they are wrong, the nurses aren't Jewish, Racist, or Born Again Christians, which makes the comment even more ridiculous.

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I think the comment sounds like something geared for a junior high kid. THEY might be uncomfortable with sexual preference. For an adult? Out of line, especially if the person making the comment wasn't a very close friend of both of you joking around and KNOWING you would BOTH take it as nothing more than a joke.

I classify the statement as sexual harassment. I've worked in the Dept of Corrections (aka State of IL) and that's grounds for a sexual harassment write-up. If crap like that doesn't get reported, it will never stop. Just as people who are inappropriately touched, leered at, and spoken to inappropriately need to report those things.

Until it's addressed, it'll continue. Good luck!

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Specializes in ICU.

Some people have no sense when it comes to humor. I suspect that it was intended to be funny and it was really a stupid attempt to be the unit clown funny ha ha person. I would take her aside and tell her that it was crossing the line especially when you were the brunt of the inappropriate joke. She owes you and the other nurse an apology. If she brushes it off and acts like it is your problem, then yes, I would consider reporting it to a higher up. People are so weird,....

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Specializes in CTICU.

In my career I can't remember ever being refered to as "gay".

I did have a female co-worker ask me "Are you a real man?" when she found out that I have no real interest in watching sports. I asked what she ment. She said she "just found that hard to beleive that a real man would not be interested in sports."

I just bit my tongue. I was on assignment in a small slightly backwards town and I was the odd man out (the only one who had not worked in this hospital for generations).

I should have at a minimum told her that she was being small minded and that I took offense at her implying that I was less than a real man.

I hope that you hear my experience and know that I still resent my co-worker (for her rude/stupid comments), and also myself for not having the courage to tell her off right then. You NEED to confront your co-worker for yourself, she should not be allowed to intrude into your veiw of yourself without consiquence.:trout:

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Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).
In my career I can't remember ever being refered to as "gay".

I did have a female co-worker ask me "Are you a real man?" when she found out that I have no real interest in watching sports. I asked what she ment. She said she "just found that hard to beleive that a real man would not be interested in sports."

I just bit my tongue. I was on assignment in a small slightly backwards town and I was the odd man out (the only one who had not worked in this hospital for generations).

I should have at a minimum told her that she was being small minded and that I took offense at her implying that I was less than a real man.

I hope that you hear my experience and know that I still resent my co-worker (for her rude/stupid comments), and also myself for not having the courage to tell her off right then. You NEED to confront your co-worker for yourself, she should not be allowed to intrude into your veiw of yourself without consiquence.:trout:

Yes, because isn't the very definition of manhood watching sports? I wouldn't feel too bad about "biting your tongue." The mind does have a tendency to boggle in the face of massive stupidity. Then, too, as in the OP, one wonders what one could actually say to someone like that that would even put a dent in their ignorance. More and more, I'm leaning toward the idea that the offender should just be reported to management. It isn't our job to educate these morons.

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Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.
That is totally unacceptable!:angryfire:angryfire For one thing, not one male nurse I work with is gay, so the stereotype is totally untrue. Secondly, if they were gay, that's not something open to public comment at work! :angryfire Grrrrrrrr:angryfire

Perhaps you should suggest to management that a cultural sensitivity inservice would be in order. The entire staff should be educated on the need to keep their personal opinions and prejudices out of the workplace! :idea:

Changed my mind

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Specializes in He who hesitates is probably right....
recently i was approaching another nurse (who happens to be effeminate and thought to be gay, but who cares really?) to give report and when beginning report was dumbfounded when a nurse in the hallway said to another nurse: "ooo! a gay nurse giving report to another gay nurse!" now, i felt hurt. i am not your typical bakersfield area macho dude, but what gives her the right to put me into any box. i am affraid to bring this to management or possibly write her up for sexual harrassment. i told my wife that i am even fearful of having conversations with men that appear flamboyantly gay for being categorized; not that i am scared of turning gay. sometimes i feel that it might be easier in the field to be gay and kind than to be heterosexual and kind. i just hate this crap. really quite irritating to have your coworker who you think is a smart nurse make such a cruel judgement call on her coworker. anyway, your thoughts on this topic...

insensitive pig that i am, i could care less about such a comment. if it really raised my ire, i might walk over and head butt her. but that's just me...

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While maybe not technically a "sexual harassment" issue, I believe it is definitely a "creating a hostile work environment" issue.

Small minded and ignorant. Period.

My husband and I are both nurses at the same hospital. We are both cardiac nurses, but we work on different units. Another (male) nurse recently started working on our unit who had worked ER for awhile, and knew my husband previously.

We were sitting around at about 4 am on slow night, and this nurse says to me, out of the blue, "Ya know, I always thought your husband was gay."

I nearly blew my diet coke out my nose, and replied, "Oh, really. Well, I knew him for 4 year before we even started dating, and believe me, his ex-girlfriends and I can all attest that he's not." And I played it off as a joke.

I don't even know how I really wanted to respond to that statement. . . .I'm sure it would have probably got me fired, tho. . . .

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recently i was approaching another nurse (who happens to be effeminate and thought to be gay, but who cares really?) to give report and when beginning report was dumbfounded when a nurse in the hallway said to another nurse: "ooo! a gay nurse giving report to another gay nurse!" now, i felt hurt. i am not your typical bakersfield area macho dude, but what gives her the right to put me into any box. i am affraid to bring this to management or possibly write her up for sexual harrassment. i told my wife that i am even fearful of having conversations with men that appear flamboyantly gay for being categorized; not that i am scared of turning gay. sometimes i feel that it might be easier in the field to be gay and kind than to be heterosexual and kind. i just hate this crap. really quite irritating to have your coworker who you think is a smart nurse make such a cruel judgement call on her coworker. anyway, your thoughts on this topic...

it's sexual harrassment. i've had to deal with that before as i had a roommate (who was male) hitting on me, and when i brought it up at work everyone was telling me i was gay. my boss came in and i gave her that "help!!!" look, and she told them that they needed to stop right away. it was quite inappropriate on your co-workers part, but she may have meant it jokingly, not realizing what she said was rude. you may want to take her aside and tell her, "i realize you probably didn't mean it the way it came out, but i didn't appreciate your comment the other day..." and add your own message in there. let her know it wasn't appreciated without trying to sound like you're whining. it's a difficult line to thread. let us know how it goes

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I think some women just dont like men in the Nursing profession, It being dominated by women who think they know it all. Some women think that they can get any guy they want, then when a handsome fellow like myself doesn't show any interest....their world is turned over, they then try to pretty up more for work, and when all else fails they go "he must be gay" lol. It isnt my job to kiss a$$ and tell u your hot, thats your husbands job, If i had to acknowledge a hot chick everytime I see one I'd have dry mouth. Women fish for compliments and always wants a guys opinion. I think its rude to label anyone anything. I could care less what any nurse feels of my sexual orientation. Sexuality is private and shouldnt be discussed at work. Why would anyone be worried about what i do with my member after work? Only someone who isn't sexually satisfied I guess, I don't entertain ignorance. Being the only male on the floor is fun and i like the attention, both good and bad. There's a boundary though....because married nurses like to flirt and sometimes rumors get started.

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.
I think some women just dont like men in the Nursing profession, It being dominated by women who think they know it all. Some women think that they can get any guy they want, then when a handsome fellow like myself doesn't show any interest....their world is turned over, they then try to pretty up more for work, and when all else fails they go "he must be gay" lol. It isnt my job to kiss a$$ and tell u your hot, thats your husbands job, If i had to acknowledge a hot chick everytime I see one I'd have dry mouth. Women fish for compliments and always wants a guys opinion. I think its rude to label anyone anything. I could care less what any nurse feels of my sexual orientation. Sexuality is private and shouldnt be discussed at work. Why would anyone be worried about what i do with my member after work? Only someone who isn't sexually satisfied I guess, I don't entertain ignorance. Being the only male on the floor is fun and i like the attention, both good and bad. There's a boundary though....because married nurses like to flirt and sometimes rumors get started.

Are you serious? How old are you?

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