Embarrassed and depressed

Published

Now, I know this is a real stupid thing to whine about but it has been bothering me so much and I have no friends around here and just need to vent. Basically, my girlfriend of three years urged me to move back in with my parents to attend nursing school (I just turned 31). So I took her advice d I moved back home 4 months ago when I began RN school and then she dumped me (which is very painful and an incredible blow to my self-esteem). All of my fellow nursing students are working/living on own or married. I am constantly lying and hiding the fact that I live at home. I feel ashamed that I am 31 and now living with my parents because it is the only way I can afford school. I can't even begin to try to date again because any woman would think it is pathetic that a 31 year old guy lives at home. Did any of you have experience living with your parents at an age similiar to mine while in nursing school? I know I sound like a real loser, but I just needed to vent today, even if no one reads this.

Specializes in ER.

I think it is your attitude more than anything. However, it is understandable to be frustrated and potentially depressed when a significant other dumps you. Your situation isn't as bad as you think it is. I have an ex that I dated that lived with his parents and talked about going back to nursing school. A major difference is that you are going back and he did not. I think he was about 34ish when I dated him. Last time I saw him he is still working on the squads a few years later.

My advice? Look into joining some sort of class to possibly meet people outside. Try learning new activities.

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You have an amazing story and look how you have inspired others! I want to thank you for sharing and everyone else for sharing their powerful stories.

Living with your parents is a smart choice. If they are close by and they're supportive and you're also helping them out, it's win-win. In my country, the children live with their parents even after they graduate with their masters esp. if they're single. Also, to live with mental illness is very difficult and stress can exacerbate it. I went through nursing school with major depression and panic attacks every now and then. Haha! I tell ya, once you have graduated and look back, it's amazing and the things that are not funny now (like my panic attacks), I can laugh at it because I worked hard to overcome it and I build up my confidence to be awesome. :) I've learned you have to be silly sometimes, count your blessings, and LOVE YOURSELF. Please take care of yourself. Do what you love, join a club, surround yourself with positive people. I do not recommend talking to your ex because it seems to put on more stress. This is the time to focus on yourself. From experience, do not jump into another relationship because if you have not gotten over the ex, feelings will mix from the past relationship with the new relationship.

Lastly, please go to counseling and don't be afraid to change counselor if you do not feel connected.

STAY POSITIVE! By changing your thoughts to positive ones, your perspective will change and so will your behaviors and actions.

Remember, you're not alone! You got us here, we are all your friends, cheering you on. You can do this!!!

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.

I would totally live with my parents to save money while in school, and I am 43 years old! Lol. But I am married and we own a home, so it's not going to happen. I am using my GI Bill until its last gasp, and I hope you are too. There is nothing wrong with relying on family to get back on your feet! My husband shared your MOS, by the way. Thank you for your service. :)

About your ex — I would ask her to stop contacting you. Stringing you along like that is no bueno, and selfish as hell. Focus on yourself and school. You will be successful in your education, then successful in your career. You will move out on your own and be stronger and able to want someone in your life because you WANT them, not because you NEED them.

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Specializes in Dialysis.

The next time ex contacts you, thank her for the best gift she could have given you...freedom. Bless you, and from one vet to another, you'll be fine. Military sets you up for success in civilian life. Smile, because in the end, you'll come out on top!

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She left you just out of the blue? That's crazy. It leads me to believe that something was going on with her own life and she felt like she couldn't be in a relationship anymore. Whatever the case may be, you are on the path to success and whether you're single or in a relationship and you're still gonna be an awesome nurse.

As for living with your folks -- like another member said you are not pathetic for pursuing your dream and going back to school. It's only temporary and soon you'll be making a salary to live on your own and be independent. In my own accelerated nursing program most of us live with our parents and we're far out of college. It's totally normal. If a girl can't understand that she's lame. But to be honest, nursing school is hard AF and being single makes it a lot easier to focus on school and not worry about other things going on in life. It also doesn't tie you down to work locally and stay with them the whole time. Maybe once you start working you'd be better off dating? Idk you're an adult it's your decision but I personally have been a lot happier single in nursing school (was in a relationship til this past February).

Whatever your circumstances you'll be ok!! Reach out to your friends and family and you'll make it through just fine :)

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Specializes in Cardiac.

I really don't think you are a "loser" for living with your parents. That is terrible that your girlfriend dumped you after you moved back in with your parents. I also live at home and I am older then you. I did not want the stress of trying to work and pay rent while attending nursing school. Nursing school is tough enough, don't need to add any extra stress. Good luck and think of your living arrangement, as a money saving investment in your future!

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Specializes in Education.

You, dear sir, are not a loser.

You are a mensch. (Yiddish. Google.)

And that is that.

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from a practical standpoint lets objectively compare the options.

would you prefer to :

1. Have kept your apartment, lost your girlfriend, be alone and depressed going through nursing school ALL while trying to make ends meet by working some kind of part time job so that you can sustain yourself and your living habit

or

2. Move in with mom and dad for the time being, still lost your girlfriend but at least you have your folks as some kind of companionship, that can be there when you need to vent about your day at clinical and whatnot, have some peace of mind that you won't be out on the street, and a little more peace of mind knowing that you have more time to dedicated to studying and doing well so that you CAN graduate, get a job, and move out.

Life happens, and when it does, its rarely pretty or the way that we imagine. Nothing wrong with taking care of numero uno, because speaking frankly, no one is gonna take care of you but you. They teach you in school to use all the resources available to you, well, that doesn't just apply in nursing school and in hospitals. Gotta do that in real life too.

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If I lived near my parents I would totally move back in.

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First of all, you ARE NOT a loser at all. Do not compare yourself to the other people in your class, you may be blind to the struggles they face at home. Nursing school is tough but it is so worth it. You will move out once you graduate and be in an excellent profession. You will find someone who appreciates your hard work and dedication too. Just keep pushing through, it will all be worth it. I got my associates degree in nursing and work as an RN now while going to school for my BSN. I am 23, almost 24 and still live at home. My boyfriend goes for engineering and lives at home too. It is best to concentrate on school and if you have supportive parents that is all the better! Good luck!

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Don't call the girl again. Do you have an iphone? Put her on iphone block. My new rule: do not contact or attempt to maintain a "relationship" with ex-girlfriends. It may sound cruel, but their purpose has expired.

When I stopped partying and using drugs/alcohol, I had to live with my mom and her boyfriend for about a year. It was ok at first but I slowly began to hate it. I became obsessed with the thought of moving out. I finally did but the only place I could afford was across town. I moved away from a lot of my friends and found myself very lonely. Be careful what you wish for. Eventually I met a girl and moved in with her, but that didn't work out either lol. Now I live in Vegas :)

Also, I'm in nursing school with a girl who lives with her parents here in Vegas. We don't think twice about it. You are way to concerned about what other people think. I probably am too. But just remember that comparing your insides to other people's outsides is a waste of time. Be true to yourself and keep on keepin on.

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You shouldn't be embarrassed at all. You are staying at your parent's until you get your degree. It's temporary so no need to feel bad about that. Also you're not a loser...nursing school is not easy and I don't know anyone in my program that works full time, lives on their own and is passing nursing school at the same time. Everyone gets help from someone...

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