Embarrassed and depressed

ApotheKitty · Dec 9, 2015

I'm the 34 year old single mother of a 2 year old child who lives with her parents while attending nursing school. I just finished the first semester of my ADN program this week. In what seems like a previous life, I lived on my own (for 10 years), earned a Bachelor's Degree, attended and then dropped out of graduate school, publishing some journal articles and obtaining a patent along the way. I never in a thousand years thought I would be in this position. I was supposed to be successful, get married, have kids and cars and a house... I was destined to live a middle class suburban dream. Unfortunately, the chemicals in my brain didn't cooperate. Many years of depression, guilt, shame, substance abuse, and spending far too many nights at the bar derailed my plans. So where am I going with this? Right now I am the HAPPIEST I've ever been in my life, and the most emotionally stable as well because I'm doing what is best for myself and my child. I have absolutely no shame when people learn that I live with my parents, I don't hide the fact. Take this opportunity to become a stronger person who can find happiness within himself. Failure is okay, giving up is not. Good luck to you in all your endeavors, I wish you the best.

Seaglass1972 · Dec 9, 2015

First, Thank you for your service to this country! I want you to know this is only a hiccup in life. Before you know it, you will see this is the best thing that has happened to you. If you are at home with your parents that means you hopefully have a great support system. I am 43, divorced, happily divorced and a single mom and trying to get through my pre reqs so I can get into nursing school. At first it was horrible to go from being married to having to move back in with my parents, but.... I have the best support system with them. Also, I think being single through this time of my life is awesome! I am only focused on my son and myself. All of my attention can be on him and getting through school and work. You can do this, you will do this, do not talk yourself into worry. You made it through deployments!!!!!! You got this 100%.

morte, LPN, LVN · Dec 9, 2015

Thanks so much for your replies. I really needed to hear that. After high school, 2002, I went to college for computer science, then switched to pre-radiology, then to health science, then finally joined the Army as a medic. After two deployments and some amazing experiences I left the army in 2012. Started slowly taking pre-reqs for nursing and met the woman of my dreams. I was diagnosed with PTSD and spent most of 2013 in a VA domicillary program for mental health. It really helped me even though I was afraid that it would interfere with my goal of becoming a nurse. Apparently it will not interfere. My ex gf stuck with me from having mental breakdowns, being homeless, getting back on my feet, getting my apartment back, getting back in school and finally being accepted to nursing school. I took all of her suggestions and when I finally start doing great and am on the road to success, accomplishing everything she always pushed me to do, she just leaves me out of nowhere....but enough of that...I just wanted you all to know where I was coming from.
It just seems like im one of the oldest people in my class and the only one living at home. It really takes a hit on your social life...and I know I should delay the dating scene but without any friends here it gets lonely....and I was used to being around a girl all day that I was completely in love with. Hearing your alls replies has really put me in a better place mentally. I really needed to hear this tonight. Im in my first semester of nursing school after finishing my pre-reqs. I am barely passing Fundamentals and Pharm. I know its not good to make excuses but I was so depressed this quarter. It took every ounce of energy to force myself to do an assignment. I just felt like laying in bed and crying for at least a month. That time really took a toll on my grades. Even thought I have done great since then, I am hoping it is enough. We have to have a 78 average in each test/clinical/homework area in order to pass. we are only allowed to fail one class and then after that we are removed from the program. I have an 81 in fundamentals and an 80 in pharm. Our last exam is this Friday and then Finals are next week. Ill be wrecked if I fail out during my first semester. Then ill be living at my parents house, not in school, no job....I cant let that happen. Again, thank you all for your words of encouragement...I really needed to hear this tonight...really bad

AH! your ex is a fixer upper, since she had done what she could, she left, and will find someone else to "fix". hang in with your mental health counselors, and after that much military experience don't you DARE feel like a loser! take care.

direw0lf, BSN · Dec 9, 2015

Helping your mom at home is actually an admirable person to me.

If you were say treating your mom bad, not picking up your own laundry, not helping her clean, etc then I'd be turned off. (My point was, it's not living at home that in itself would ever turn me or my friends off to dating someone).

The hard part might be coming clean to your classmates at this time so you don't feel a guilty conscience anymore? But you could just say you recently moved with her.

tnicnat · Dec 9, 2015

First I'm sorry your g-friend broke up with you...Pretty shallow if you ask me, anyways I'm 53 and would have no qualms moving in with my Dad to go to school....if my daughters wanted to move in with me to go to school I would in a heartbeat. Just study and pass and then specialize...get that great job and send your parents on a thank you I love you trip and then get your own place.

NYbabyRN, BSN, RN · Dec 9, 2015

I don't think you are a loser for returning home to get a nursing degree. Not the least bit, you are bettering your life, and if other people cannot appreciate and understand that, that's too bad for them. Hope you stay encouraged and realize there is nothing shameful in what you are doing!

annie.rn · Dec 9, 2015

You are NOT a loser! You have a dream and are doing whatever it takes to make it happen. If that means moving back in with your parents for a time, so be it. There is no shame in that. It will be but a short season in your life. Best of luck to you :-)

Edited to add: I did not see your follow up when I replied. You sound like an exceptionally capable guy. The fact that you are pulling off the grades you have while going through everything you have been going through is amazing. Once things settle down and you are more focused you'll blow it out of the water.

Thank you for your service. Your parents must be very proud of you. As a mother of a son, I know I'd be thrilled to have you home safely and more than happy to have you back in my home while you finished your education.

Simonesays, BSN, RN · Dec 10, 2015

Wow. You're definitely not a loser. Quite the opposite, in fact. That's a pretty amazing story and all of your struggles and experiences will definitely be advantageous in your nursing career. You have conquered immense challenges already and you WILL be able to get through nursing school. Definitely go easy on yourself! You've lived a few lifetimes, it seems, in just 31 years. To put things another way, I would imagine that a lot of your peers, who live in their own apartments, or are married with children, would probably feel "embarrassed and depressed" if they compared their lives to yours.

I also started nursing late in life and the love of my life move to the US to pursue his dream job when I started nursing school. We didn't break up and have been in a long-distance relationship for 5 (eep!) years. I moved in with my parents during part of that time and can relate to what you're feeling. I've been out of school and working for 2 years, trying to get my NY license and US visa but it has been a frustratingly long process. It was his birthday tonight and I was feeling sad that we weren't together to celebrate it. However, courageous stories like yours remind me to stay strong, step back and look at the big picture. Thank-you for your honesty and thank-you for sharing.

Candyr20 · Dec 10, 2015

I hope you feel better! You are so far from a loser...

I hope my story helps...

I went to school for respiratory in 2008 I was married then with a 1 year old. He abandoned us when I was beginning my 2nd year of the program. It was devastating I can relate to the blow to my self esteem. We were married for 5 years since we were young and I was thinking forever. I had to keep pushing everyday I looked at my son. He didn't deserve his mother giving up for some punk that wouldn't man up and do what needed to be done. I'd just lost my job due to tardies and them not wanting to adjust my schedule for Clinicals and my class schedule. Not to mention I was 500 miles from my parents and I did not want to return home with nothing after all my hard work!

I used my financial aid to pay my rent through the end of my lease. I was so broke I could not afford to divorce him! I couldn't afford food, daycare, gas, my phone bill, I had to call my parents for help and they delivered I was 26.

I slept on my best friends couch rent free with my son. Received daycare assistance program and food stamps and medical for him until my ex was forced to provide insurance. I eventually sent him home to my mom my last three months of school. I came home after graduation and studied 20 hours a day for 8 days and passed my boards and received my first job immediately after... Here comes my "husband" (used lightly) I miss you, I want you... I was disgusted my first check I continued to stay with my mom and divorced him!!

Now here I am 7 years later, an 8 year old son and 3 yr old daughter, married to a supportive, wonderful man. Just accepted to nursing school starting Jan 4!!! Which has always been my passion. I spent the last year working PRN, taking my prereqs. I don't qualify for aid so I pay all tuition out of pocket and just to make sure we are not struggling we are moving in with my mother, help her with small remodel projects to her home and save as much as we can to purchase another home after I graduate. And she will in turn help with our kids while I attend school! I am 33 now.

Do not feel embarrassed at all. You'll be surprised when you open up what people are actually enduring and not mentioning as well.

I want to be an RN so bad I can taste it!!! So I am making all provisions to achieve my dream. You've made it this far, have an awesome background, despite all adversity! And you will not stop here. You got this. Just keep looking at the light at the end of the tunnel!! And Don't let your ex get you down, (I know way easier said than done) and I honestly wouldn't even give her another chance. She wouldn't last in marriage if she can only stick with you for one or two bad things and then she's fed up. Good luck and I'll be checking for updates [emoji6]

JacAn001, BSN · Dec 10, 2015

At 40 I am one of the older students at our cohort . At first I was nervous about it now not so much. We bring life experiences good and bad that can often help our young students or sometimes just a different view of things.

If I were in your situation I too would have moved home. You are saving money and most likely helping your family out too. There is certainly no shame in that at all.

Thank you for your sacrifice and your service. My husband is in his 17th year active duty (retirement coming fast)

Stay positive and stay strong you have so much life experience to help others with.

LaneyB · Dec 10, 2015

I think rather than embarrassed you have reason to be proud. There is nothing shameful in what you are doing. And no reason to feel you have to hide anything. If you tell people you are living at home so you can finish school I bet nobody will think any less of you.

cassieRN13 · Dec 10, 2015

I am a 25 year old single mother. I also had to move back in with my parents after my first year of nursing school. I felt like a failure, like I couldn't provide for me and my child on my own. I graduated in August 2015, and looking back, it was the best thing I could've done. It was MUCH less stressful than trying to pay bills/rent. It's not ideal in the moment, but in the long run it will do you such a favor. Stay patient. Good luck :)