Embarrassed and depressed

augurey · Dec 8, 2015

First, sorry about your break up and none of this makes you a loser. Were you living with your girlfriend at the time she suggested it?

While I didn't move back in with my parents, nursing school or not, but I did move in with my husband's (at the time boyfriend) parents. I was 25 and used to living on my own. I had moved 90 miles to be with him - he was still living at home at 27 almost 28. His parents suggested it as a way to be able to save money (which allowed me to save money and for us to get a house). I know it's different because it wasn't my parents and I was a bit younger, but it was very hard to adapt to. You get used to being independent, and it's just hard to adjust to because of what we're supposed to be doing at our age. I was embarrassed and always said it was so we could save money for a house.

You're in school. If this is what it takes to get you where you want to be... If anyone can't understand that, male, female, potential date/girlfriend or not, then they aren't worth your time. Sometimes we have to do things that we are uncomfortable/embarrassed about to reach our goals.

I quit my job to go to school because I knew I couldn't possibly work and go to school at the same time, but it was a risk we decided to take as we knew we'd be better off for it once I got through school. We're poor (like below poverty level). Embarrassingly poor. We're on medicaid, WIC, and receive food and daycare assistance. I hate going grocery shopping because of WIC and food assistance (as I know how judgy people are without even considering the other person's circumstances). I'm so embarrassed that I often try to find times of the day to go where there's hardly any people. I can't even look cashiers in the eye. Sometimes I dress a certain way as to prevent the "bum" judgement as I've read how people look at others differently on food assistance based on how they dress. But the bottom line is my family has to eat. After this semester ends, I'm going to be looking into loan modifications for our mortgage and utility assistance (as we need to keep a roof over ours heads and keep our utilities on - something I'm not sure we can do without it). I never thought I'd see the day where my family would be needing this kind of help. But at the end of this, my family will be better off. It's TEMPORARY.

I know telling yourself it's temporary doesn't change anything (it doesn't change anything for me), but it helps keep me going so that we can stop utilizing assistance. It's enough to convince me to drag myself to the store and utilize it. It's temporary for you, too. It may not change the fact that you're embarrassed or depressed about it, but it WILL get better. You just have to try and hang in there and remind yourself daily that it's temporary and why you're doing it.

Like I said (and it's something I have to practice myself), anyone who thinks less of you because of your current situation/circumstances isn't worth your time. If there's a girl out there who can't understand what you're doing and why, then she was never right for you anyway. The kind of girl that you should be with will be understanding and won't care. Easier said than done, I know, but while not in the same specific situation as you, I get it.

Try not to be hard on yourself. It doesn't make you a failure or a loser. It makes you smart for doing what you have to do to get through it.

LPNtoRNin2016OH, LPN · Dec 9, 2015

Dude, this is the generation of failure to launch AKA never leave mom and dad's comfy nest. Why in the world do you feel bad?! It's not like your hanging out, smoking a bong, and playing x-box in the basement all day. I assume you assist your parents with things you didn't when you were under 18 such as groceries, errands, general helping out etc. If your working hard in school, being a good roommate, there is nothing wrong with that. I am 28, and while I am married with kids, I would have no problem moving back in with my mom if I weren't so I could pay for nursing school and not go in to debt. Forget about the girl, there are far many more women out there who will love that your becoming an RN. Your forgetting it isn't unusual for older children to live with their parents now.

caliotter3 · Dec 9, 2015

You have a good reason to be living at home and you are not a loser. You are old enough to be making decisions that are in your best interest, which is what this decision was for. Don't let the opinions of others bother you, you don't need peer group approval. I would delay the dating scene until nursing school is over. You will avoid a lot of possible trouble and at that time you will be free to find a better living situation, one which you won't be ashamed of (although you have no reason to be ashamed). Good luck!

cubrnjvm, MSN, RN · Dec 9, 2015

please don't feel embarrassed!! nowadays that is very common. I have a friend, who is a physician and is back home living with his parents,and so what? Grow up, I feel you still need to live at home to be mature enough to live on your own. Yours is a superficial way of thinking. No ofense but, think well before going back to the field...

NurseEmmy · Dec 9, 2015

You do whatever you have to, to survive nursing school. You shouldn't be dating anyway.. those are precious hours that can be spent studying, writing up care plans, doing homework, etc (halfway kidding of course). Sure your classmates might razz you a bit about it, but that's what they do. Most of them are prob. jealous - I know I am. :yes:

doodlebuttRN · Dec 9, 2015

I have to chime in here... I feel that I was EXTREMELY fortunate to be living at home when I was in nursing school. Many of my peers had a much harder time because they were supporting families, etc. I was lucky enough to be able to focus on my grades and my studies, and because of that I feel I was much more successful than if I had been on my own.

I so sorry about your breakup, but take a minute to look at the positives of your current circumstances, and how you can take advantage of them to be successful! Best of luck to you!

beezwax404 · Dec 9, 2015

To Augurey,

Thank you for your response, I really needed to hear that. No I wasnt living with her when she suggested that. We had separate apartments. It just took me by surprise because one day she was talking about getting married and getting pregnant and literally the next day she lost interest and planned to move 45 minutes away....occasionally ill get an email from her telling me that she misses me but when I try to get her to meet up with me she just ignores me again.. I think the breakup has a lot to do with the depression. Its hard not to feel like failure being 31 and living like a 16 year old with your parents. I hope that your situation betters. You are a real survivor and I respect what you are doing. IThanks again for your reply...it really helped me out

KThurmond · Dec 9, 2015

I'd rather have a guy who lived at home because it helped nursing school instead of somebody who never left and doesn't want to. You are making a career for yourself. As embarrassing as it feels being with family might make this time period less stressful.

beezwax404 · Dec 9, 2015

Thanks so much for your replies. I really needed to hear that. After high school, 2002, I went to college for computer science, then switched to pre-radiology, then to health science, then finally joined the Army as a medic. After two deployments and some amazing experiences I left the army in 2012. Started slowly taking pre-reqs for nursing and met the woman of my dreams. I was diagnosed with PTSD and spent most of 2013 in a VA domicillary program for mental health. It really helped me even though I was afraid that it would interfere with my goal of becoming a nurse. Apparently it will not interfere. My ex gf stuck with me from having mental breakdowns, being homeless, getting back on my feet, getting my apartment back, getting back in school and finally being accepted to nursing school. I took all of her suggestions and when I finally start doing great and am on the road to success, accomplishing everything she always pushed me to do, she just leaves me out of nowhere....but enough of that...I just wanted you all to know where I was coming from.

It just seems like im one of the oldest people in my class and the only one living at home. It really takes a hit on your social life...and I know I should delay the dating scene but without any friends here it gets lonely....and I was used to being around a girl all day that I was completely in love with. Hearing your alls replies has really put me in a better place mentally. I really needed to hear this tonight. Im in my first semester of nursing school after finishing my pre-reqs. I am barely passing Fundamentals and Pharm. I know its not good to make excuses but I was so depressed this quarter. It took every ounce of energy to force myself to do an assignment. I just felt like laying in bed and crying for at least a month. That time really took a toll on my grades. Even thought I have done great since then, I am hoping it is enough. We have to have a 78 average in each test/clinical/homework area in order to pass. we are only allowed to fail one class and then after that we are removed from the program. I have an 81 in fundamentals and an 80 in pharm. Our last exam is this Friday and then Finals are next week. Ill be wrecked if I fail out during my first semester. Then ill be living at my parents house, not in school, no job....I cant let that happen. Again, thank you all for your words of encouragement...I really needed to hear this tonight...really bad

LPNtoRNin2016OH, LPN · Dec 9, 2015

Listen, re-read your story with an outsiders perspective..your a fighter! Look how far you have come, seriously! Thank you for your service. You have been through some serious crap here -- do not let a broad get you down!! She is playing mind games with you, putting you on the back burner as a safety. Trust me, I am a girl, I know their ways. Your going to graduate from nursing school with no debt since you lived with your rents then your going to do a kick ass job because you were a medic in the damn army. NO new grad will be able to TOUCH your trauma sklls, hell many current ER nurses couldn't either.

Get up outta that bed, brush yourself off, and go ace those finals like you know you can do!

KThurmond · Dec 9, 2015

I'm sorry you've been through so much. But like pp said, use it to your advantage.