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direw0lf BSN

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direw0lf has 3 years experience as a BSN.

direw0lf's Latest Activity

  1. I acted like an immature b today. At work. I’m so ashamed. I actually want to find a new job if I can but I didn’t want to this soon. I’m just afraid of being fired though, if I could leave myself, that would look better to potential employers. I don’t get along with one nurse and one tech. I lost a lot of weight within a short period of time, and they talk about me behind my back but within earshot or make comments at me, calling me anorexic and bulimic. I asked the nurse not to talk about me, she said OK. Then today I had a hard blood draw. Two techs couldn’t get it, and I couldn’t get it, everyone was busy and I wanted to do what I thought was right and I called ICU and ask if any nurse is available to try a blood draw. In the past other nurses have called same day surgery or ICU so I figured I was right. One nurse from ICU came over. The charge nurse on my unit (the nurse who I asked not to talk about me) came over to me and yelled (literally yelled) that just because I have a personal problem with her doesn’t mean I have a right not to tell her an ICU nurse was coming. I didn’t know I was supposed to. She yelled at me in front of my patient who questioned me about why I was in trouble. So when I was done, I went up to her and I DID yell back. Believe me...I know I was wrong. I didn’t think about what to say first I just went and yelled and said I didn’t know and she didn’t believe me still. I then whispered “f*** you”. I know. I can only say in my defense that it was 100% uncharacteristic of me and I know I was wrong, immature and not acting like a professional nurse. I can’t beat myself up more than I have. I just reached a point where I was so sick of it. Sick of her comments when I’m ordering take out she’d walk by me and say “why you just throw it up don’t you” and other things like that. I did used to talk about food and weight a lot, I am 24, isn’t that normal? I’m within my normal BMI. It really got to me. That’s no excuse for what I did, I realize that. I’m afraid I’ll be fired since I was reported. I’m expecting to be fired when I show up to work next. I’ve only worked here since August. I’ve never been in trouble before but it only takes one disciplinary problem to be fired. So I’m trying to decide what I should do. Should I type up my resignation letter and give it to my manager before I’m fired? I’m so mad at myself. Such stupid crap at work when all I wanted to do as a nurse was take care of people and be friendly and helpful to my coworkers. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I know I’m wrong. I don’t know what to do next though.
  2. I wasn't sure where to ask this question but here's the story: I was licensed as an RN by examination in the state of NJ and worked as an RN. I moved to FL, got licensed by endorsement and multi-state, and worked as an RN there. Moved BACK to NJ....but the NJ BON site won't allow me to renew my license by endorsement (says I already have a license, but it is expired). I've tried multiple attempts to call and email. Can anyone please help me regarding what the process is? It's OK for now, since I have a multi-state license. But my license will expire the end of April so I want to be sure I get it done in time. What I wish I did was to renew my NJ license when I had the chance last Summer....I didn't know I'd be coming back here though. My FL license was only good for 1 year since it was endorsement I guess. And just as a random note, I will be moving again this Summer/fall to another state. How do travel nurses do this LOL?! Also random thought, I didn't realize all the CE's we need that we have to pay out of pocket for. Thank you for any help!
  3. I agree. Maybe it’s like a bandaid for me to teach about footwear. That bandaid will hold for a little while then get dirty and come off. It’s the best I feel like I’m able to do in my position/scope right now. To teach what I can to the patients I have. I agree reaching younger populations and preventing muscle wasting or to help prevent osteoporosis and mental decline would be better! I worked in pediatrics though and even then it’s like so many things working against you- access to good nutrition, good education, clean green spaces etc were the barriers.
  4. direw0lf

    What are they teaching?

    This is what I was told as to why nursing education is like that. It’s because of salary. So diploma nurses could only make so much. To get higher salary they needed ADN and BSN. So they had to deduct clinical time and skills to add in the university education requirements. Personally I loved and got something out of almost every university class I took but I really felt like clinical was a joke. We used to love it if we could give a aspirin to a patient and the big WOW!! was if we could give insulin. And most of the time by the time we got to clinical the techs had already did the bathing/adl care so we couldn’t even do that. I was always taught nursing would be tough though and figured the coursework was to reflect that. I’m so glad I was a tech, it was the best thing to prepare me really.
  5. Oh man I hope it’s OK to vent this out here and receive suggestions and encouragement! hate is a strong word and I don’t know if that’s how I really felt but the other day was hard! I switched from kids to adults recently and think I may want to just go back to kids. But anyway, as I was about to pull morning meds the tech informed me my patient was satting 75%. I checked him, he said he was eating and suddenly felt SOB. He’s a post op knee arthroplasty. His lungs had crackles bilaterally and no absent breath sounds. Hgb was under 8. I called a rapid response and he was put on a nonrebreather and I was told to transfuse blood. Troponins were negative at that time. A later redraw was 0.66. I’m not tele certified and they wanted to keep him on the floor because that’s where the physician was working. So he wasn’t on tele and I watched him decline. I kept calling the physicians and telling anyone around me (nurses, my assistant manager) he’s declining. I put a foley in him and after 80 lasix he still only put out 100 ml. After 6 hours he was intubated and going to catch lab. Nurses have all the responsibility but none of the decisions! I felt so helpless and alone with someone’s life in my hands in a way. I know, physicians were aware and all that it just felt like I was alone. I was really scared. And I was behind for all my other patients. Their pain meds and other medications were late and I didn’t even assess anyone yet. (My morning routine has been to pull meds and assess before I give). After I waited for the blood tx for the first 30 min I did leave him to get to the other patients and I hated to do that. No monitors on him but the pulse ox and heart rate alarm that would sound off in his room if it went out of parameters. The man was diaphoretic, BP going down even with the transfusion going in. Anyway this was my first blood transfusion and first MI and I felt alone and don’t know why my patient wasn’t taken to the cath lab or ccu sooner. They had done a stat cxr in the rapid it didn’t show a pe and ecg had showed a left bundle branch block not an mi. But still I don’t know I guess I felt like I didn’t do enough and couldn’t have done anything else at the same time?? Telling him “I’m here and everyone is watching you to make sure you’re OK” just didn’t seem like enough when he says “I haven’t felt this bad since my last heart attack”. Which I did tell everyone he said that (he said it as the rapid was ending). edit: I wrote that kinda sloppy and out of order above, sorry!
  6. direw0lf

    My eating/drinking is bad on work days

    Thanks for sharing ideas in the replies! I had tried protein shakes before but the ones I tried were $$$ so I'll need to find a better priced brand. I really like how the promeals look! I have a kinda sensitive stomach, so I need to be careful about what I eat and drink. Too much fiber or milk can do me in! So I'll check out the ingredients!
  7. direw0lf

    New grad anxiety

    Hi you mentioned being nervous about some skills you never performed before - foley, NG, IV insertion. Your preceptor will (should) ALWAYS be with you, guiding you. And feel free to grab supplies and practice. What I did to practice IV insertion was I got IV tubing and taped it to the desk. I took my IV kit and practiced on the tubing as if the tubing was the vein. I practiced right at the busy nurse's station desk, so that I'd be ready to be stared at and deal with commotion going around me when it was time to put one in the patient. The Foley is harder, but there are little tricks. If you can make the patient laugh you can kind of see the "wink" for where to go in. I learned in pediatrics, so anatomy is a little easier than an older adult, but the biggest thing to tell yourself is this: the worst that can happen is you have to start over or ask someone else. You'll learn this happens, and it should not be a big deal to any other nurse since we've all been there. I use humor to cover up my nervousness. Some people will write out the procedure step by step and keep it in their binder. Use whatever works for you. Best wishes!
  8. direw0lf

    RN to MD journey - prereqs

    Hi I am pursuing the same thing! I have a year of NP school under my belt but am changing gears to MD (or DO if I can't get into MD schools) I have spoken to a number of medical school admission advisors. I was told that because I have "proven" I can accomplish university level work (my BSN) that they would strongly consider that if I completed some prerequisites at a community college. Keep in mind they were also aware of my year in an NP Program though. But if you have a high GPA in a university for your BSN, and a strong academic profile, strong research, and strong shadowing and community volunteering, you may be able to get away with community college prereqs because I know it does save sooo much money! Feel free to contact medical schools you are going to seek application to and ask! They really were open to speaking with me and welcoming of my background, which surprised me! Also feel free to send me a message on here if you have any questions. And in addition to the suggestion above for student doctor forums, instagram and reddit have a strong and supportive community of premed/med students. Reddit is a bit competitive feeling, but informative.
  9. Yeah I mean, I would take everyone's advice and speak to a professional in mental health to help you sort out these feelings. I have dreaded going to work before as a nurse, but not the the point I was suicidal. That doesn't mean I was stronger than you or better, but I do understand dreading going in. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. IMO it won't effect your future job opportunities to leave now, depending on what part of the country you're in. I didn't complete a full year of nursing before I left and moved, and I didn't have a hard time finding work. I'm not saying that's good to do I'm just saying if that's your fear, please put your health above that because you can still work again.
  10. Maybe you were just emotional this time of month you write this kind of post but it had worried me a lot that you said you didn’t want to live because all you do is work, eat and sleep. Talking to someone can understand the emotional rollercoaster you seem to experience based on how you said you post this each month and help with the self doubt you had from coming back I think.
  11. You know I feel like it’s very easy for new nurses to fall into this sadness you feel because of the whole way we tend to think about this career through nursing school. I’m sure you’ve heard that many nursing students have rose colored glasses on..sometimes we visualize this career as something to complete our lives or to make us happy or something. It doesn’t help IMO when nurses are called superheroes (please forgive me I don’t mean to offend by this) but nurses are called superheroes some can interpret this as we are sort of set up to sacrifice our own health and happiness for others or like that this is more than a career or that our whole life has to be about nursing or something. Our job alone can’t fulfill us completely. You can get help for how you feel and find a way to make yourself happy again with some guidance. Please let someone help you!
  12. direw0lf

    Advice for new RN graduate..

    I moved from NJ to Florida (Orlando area) and worked as an RN. I was very surprised that COL was high and salary was low. I started out 23/h. As a nurse with less than 2 years experience at the time, I was competing with a lot of travel nursing jobs/agency nurses. From February to June, many people in Florida still lived like covid was in a far away place. That has a lot to do with the Floridian lifestyle, which is very laid back and very much into being outdoors. I went back to NJ in the beginning of July. It’s very different here in terms of places shut down, bankrupt businesses, and political/emotional tension. In Florida, I wore a mask at busy outdoor parks even though it wasn’t required. Here in NJ I was threatened for wearing a mask outside, the man told me he’d take if off for me if I didn’t “grow up and remove it now”. A man I just passed by walking on a busy boardwalk. If you want to live in Florida then I recommend to work a year and then live there. Being a nurse is hard work anywhere. Each state has unique challenges that are always changing. NY/NJ will likely get hit with the second covid wave around flu season, from what physicians here say. Florida is not as congested, which helps decrease the spread no matter what they’re doing “wrong”. I learned that it’s better to do things right than rushed. And for what it’s worth, I plan to move back to Florida after I save up here! Good luck.
  13. I’ll have maybe a few sips of coffee and water in the morning, then a protein bar for lunch or some turkey cold cuts, a cup of coffee, and at the end of my shift I’ll drink a bottle of water (very very thirstily!!) But work is busy and with covid we don’t keep any drinks out near the nurses stations anymore. I don’t think about going to the break room other than my 30 min lunch break. I also tend to get sleepy if I eat too much carbs! We used to get a lot more food donations when covid started but not so much now. How are you guys doing with drinking and eating enough? Do you make yourself drink every hour or so? What do you bring for lunch?
  14. direw0lf

    Ignorant questions by me

    I know this is ignorant but that’s why I’m asking so I learn! it seems like it’s easier to go from a nurse in another country to a working nurse in the US than it is to be a US nurse who wants to work in another country. Is that a correct assumption? It only seems that way when I read that many nurses overseas are trained in specialty areas, making US nurses under qualified despite many years of experience? I really know little on the topic but got curious! You know...sometimes I daydream about living abroad (not seriously). It seems hard for a US nurse to do that.
  15. direw0lf

    New job and asking for time off

    Hello i will be changing jobs soon as I am moving to a new state. i have prior obligations - my brother’s wedding the end of May, and grad school clinical that is mandatory in the summer for 4 days. Both are in different states than I’m moving to so my brother’s wedding would be 2 days off I’d be flying. my question is, what is the best way to go about to ask for these days off when I get hired? Immediately? Wait until after orientation? I hate to have to but as I said these are things I cannot miss, and I am not one to take off work. thank you
  16. direw0lf

    NP specialty, what to choose?

    It’s a tough choice and usually, at least from the experiences of NPs I spoke with or listened to give a lecture, it wasn’t exactly a deliberate decision. They would kind of say “This opportunity fell in my lap” or “this door just opened and I walked through” like that kind of thing. Kind of like how my peers and I landed our first RN jobs. For many of us, it was the opportunity presented to us, unless we wanted to relocate. My friend who got ortho never wanted ortho until he was there. Another friend never saw herself in the ER but she tried it and loved it and is staying there. I’m probably the rare one who fought for a specialty I didn’t do as well with at first (peds) omg I was much better with adults esp geriatrics, but I fought to land peds and become a good peds nurse and get into a top peds NP program. Anyway point is that usually the NP choice is based on your prior RN experience. Like a psych nurse doing psych NP or ER doing acute care adult geri. Feel out where you like as an RN, then u can choose your NP path based on that. There’s no rush, you want to be sure so that you invest in the right school and specialty for NP.