Do I let her know about my brother??

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Specializes in surgical, neuro, education.

Recently I was in the surgeon's office as a follow up for hernia surgery. The nurse who works in the office doesn't really know me--or that I am a nurse. As she was taking my BP/temp, her friend entered the exam room (door was open) and asked her if she was ready for lunch.

The two began talking as if I wasn't there--the friend (don't know if she was an aide or nurse) said, "I have to spend whole day babysitting some kid who tried to commit suicide".

My nurse says, "Oh, those people--why don't they just get it right the first time so we don't have to deal with them. (laughs) Most of them are waste cases anyways so let them go--maybe you could give tips how to be successful next time."

Whole time I was sitting there listening to them I was getting more upset. Now you see both my brothers have died due to suicide. And to me and my family they were not waste cases--they suffered from severe depression. At the time I didn't say anything because I was speechless and still not feeling 100% from surgery.

I have been in nursing for over 24 years. I know the things that are said during report etc. by some people. Mostly because they haven't experienced someone who is suicidal or has substance abuse. I have to return for f/u next week. I am "dying"(sorry bad pun) to tell this nurse off. But should I quietly discuss this with her, or really make her see my point by hitting her with all guns (bringing in pics of my brother and his daughter who grew up without her dad and making this discussion known to her supervisor).

I am having a hard time letting this unprofessionalism go unnoticed. I also know that I want to educate people about suicide and depression. Anyone have any thoughts???

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I'm sorry for your loss.:icon_hug: Suicide has touched my family too.

I think I would cut them some slack and talk to the "nurse" privately and calmly. She will probably be appalled at her behavior.

All of us put our big fat feet in our mouths sometimes.

steph

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You do not have to mention your brothers if you don't want to , but definitely say something about the behavior.

Years ago a registration clerk reamed me out for making a comment about a pt after I had triaged the pt, and she put me in my place. I will never forget what she said: "You don't know who the person you're talking about is related to around here." I ended up apologizing to her profusely and never did that again. She was right. Those two staff members need to hear the same comment that was said to me. I would say something to her directly, and request the other staff member be present if you can figure out who it was.

{{{Zumalong}}}

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Specializes in Psychiatric.

I'm sorry that she was so rude and uncaring...that's just terrible...As far as which way to approach her, I think I'd try the direct approach first, with just her...maybe something along the lines of 'Last time I was in here'...etc...and simply let her know that her comments hurt you and why...I would also probably go to the supervisor on it, because there is no telling what else she has said in the presence of other patients.

I don't know if this is much help or not!

But I am sorry she was so crude about it...(((Hugs)))

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They shouldn't be nurses, shouldn't be around people at all! Yes do something, you owe it to yourself to get some satisfaction out of shutting them down, I would have slapped her right in the face, but I am old (50) and I don't sit and take it like I did when I was young. I spent too much time at home crying after encounters like that, eff people like that

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Specializes in med/surg.

It's a sad reminder to all that as a nurse you should NEVER discuss anything patient related when in a room with other people, end of story!!

I think a quiet word may be the right thing to do - we all need a reminder now & then to watch ourselves. I am sure - or I would sure HOPE - that the nurse involved would be mortified when she realises how what she said affected you & sounded to you!

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Specializes in CT ,ICU,CCU,Tele,ED,Hospice.

yes i too would approach them privately about their comments there really isn't a need to mention your brothers ,unless you want too .because bottom line it was an inappropriate conversation to have in fornt of you .and their comments were offensive.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I too think that you should mention it. My life too has been profoundly affected by a child with mental illness. I am so sorry you were hurt by this.

I will be very honest here and say that my son has truly humbled me. I used to think it was only "those" families (fill in the blank with broken, poor, careless,etc) that had mental illness involvement. However, it is not a cool dz with neat little ribbons, tons of money being donated, nothing. The mentally ill are those that we see alongside the road in our towns who are homeless, disheveled, talking to themselves, weaving all over the sidewalk. However, we must always be aware that these are someone's dear and very precious family member. Please don't be so quick to judge!

(I'm sorry for the rant!)

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yes i too would approach them privately about their comments there really isn't a need to mention your brothers ,unless you want too .because bottom line it was an inappropriate conversation to have in fornt of you .and their comments were offensive.

This is a good idea too . . . . . maybe there is no need to go into details except to say they had an inappropriate conversation around you. About private details that were offensive.

I'd still give them the benefit of the doubt because I KNOW I've said things that hurt people's feelings without realizing it.

steph

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Geriatrics.
I too think that you should mention it. My life too has been profoundly affected by a child with mental illness. I am so sorry you were hurt by this.

I will be very honest here and say that my son has truly humbled me. I used to think it was only "those" families (fill in the blank with broken, poor, careless,etc) that had mental illness involvement. However, it is not a cool dz with neat little ribbons, tons of money being donated, nothing. The mentally ill are those that we see alongside the road in our towns who are homeless, disheveled, talking to themselves, weaving all over the sidewalk. However, we must always be aware that these are someone's dear and very precious family member. Please don't be so quick to judge!

(I'm sorry for the rant!)

Trauma, thank you for saying this! Mental illness is truly the most misunderstood disease in this country and people are often treated as if their illness is their own fault resulting in their behavior often being criminalized. And yes, some of our colleagues are guilty of this and they of all people should know better!

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Specializes in Emergency, Trauma, Flight.

first off, i am very sorry for your loss. suicide is a very disturbing thing. i lost one of my best friends to it.... i could not imagine how you must have felt when they were having that conversation.. :angryfire

if i were you.. i would mention it, and i would bring up your loss. that would really hit it home.. of course.. you don't have to do that, you could just be polite and tell them it was wrong.. but if you tell them about your brothers, they will never forget at how they must have made you feel....

anyway... i hope it all works out.... take care~

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I would probably write a letter to the business letting them know what I heard. I would also mention that I realized the nurses probably meant no harm or offense, but that the subject was a sensitive one for me. It sounds like they may simply need a reminder.

People have different ways of dealing with stress. I've discovered a suicide victim and laughed and joked about it before I went home and cried.

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