Do I let her know about my brother??

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Recently I was in the surgeon's office as a follow up for hernia surgery. The nurse who works in the office doesn't really know me--or that I am a nurse. As she was taking my BP/temp, her friend entered the exam room (door was open) and asked her if she was ready for lunch.

The two began talking as if I wasn't there--the friend (don't know if she was an aide or nurse) said, "I have to spend whole day babysitting some kid who tried to commit suicide".

My nurse says, "Oh, those people--why don't they just get it right the first time so we don't have to deal with them. (laughs) Most of them are waste cases anyways so let them go--maybe you could give tips how to be successful next time."

Whole time I was sitting there listening to them I was getting more upset. Now you see both my brothers have died due to suicide. And to me and my family they were not waste cases--they suffered from severe depression. At the time I didn't say anything because I was speechless and still not feeling 100% from surgery.

I have been in nursing for over 24 years. I know the things that are said during report etc. by some people. Mostly because they haven't experienced someone who is suicidal or has substance abuse. I have to return for f/u next week. I am "dying"(sorry bad pun) to tell this nurse off. But should I quietly discuss this with her, or really make her see my point by hitting her with all guns (bringing in pics of my brother and his daughter who grew up without her dad and making this discussion known to her supervisor).

I am having a hard time letting this unprofessionalism go unnoticed. I also know that I want to educate people about suicide and depression. Anyone have any thoughts???

tell the nurse that suicide has affected you persnally and that you feel it was inappropriate to to discuss something like this [anything really] in front of another patient...mention hippa too, letting them know, in a quiet way that you are knowledgeable : might put some teeth into your complaint

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Specializes in LTC, home health, critical care, pulmonary nursing.

As someone who "didn't get it right the first time," it just makes me all that much more determined to make sure my life isn't a "waste."

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Specializes in OB.

wow- regardless of your brother, for them to talk like that in front of any patient is totally wrong! I would mention it to them, leaving out your family and instead focusing on how inappropriate their conversation was.

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Specializes in Acute Care Psych, DNP Student.

The conversation you described was more than one uttered phrase that was a mistake. It was a drawn out exchange. In front of a patient (you).

I would talk to this woman next time. I would mention your family experience. Chances are she won't 'get it' until she sees a real-life example with emotion.

I would talk to the surgeon, or write a letter.

This is so outrageous. Honestly, I think they should be fired. I have little patience for this sort of prejudice and willfully hateful speech, particularly in front of a patient. Healthcare workers are those who should know better.

Good luck with what you decide.

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Specializes in SICU.

I'm so sorry you had to hear that! I am totally appalled, first, that another employee would walk in during an assessment that should be private in nature. Most appalling though is that the conversation even took place in front of you, let alone at all!!

For me, this would have to go beyond the "private" conversation with the nurse. I think you should write a letter to your physician, explain that not only was your privacy invaded during an assessment, but that you found the derogatory comments not only unprofessional, but deeply personally disturbing as you have immediate family that died as a result of suicide. Make sure you let him/her know how devastating the comments were to you.

At the very minimum, these two twits need some serious sensitivity training, as well as some lessons in patient privacy and general courtesy.

Absolutely unacceptable. Period. I am angry for you!! :angryfire

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Specializes in Critical Care.

You definately need to tell the doctor about this incident, does he want someone so unprofessional working for him? She should definately be alled to task for the unprofessionalism.

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Wow - sorry for your loss and sorry for her unprofessionalism . I would bring it to her attention and tell her of your loss. I agree this will make it more memorable so she does not make a mistake like this again. I would also mention that you too are a nurse and she should not be having side bar conversations with other staff in front of patients. Hopefully she will learn from this.

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Specializes in ER.

:angryfire

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I would definitely say something. That was completely unprofessional and should not be tolerated.

I have a family member with a mental illness, also. He's ok now (on meds), but two years ago he was held in a regular hospital for a week before a bed opened up in a psych hospital. He was on a suicide watch the entire time. The nurses were completely wonderful to us. We were never in any way treated unprofessionally, and I have often thought how kind and nonjudgmental they were to him and how accomodating they were to me.

It is amazing to me that "educated" people can still be so ignorant.

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Specializes in mostly in the basement.

Oh goodness....Here we all go again---equating certainly unprofessional behavior that needs to be addressed with heinous firable offenses. Oh yeah, and let's not forget, many of you would NEVER want to work with that person or HAVE her as your nurse. Pfft....

Sorry to sound so callous but the OP was being cared for by a jerk. Guess what? There are lots of those in healthcare. The time to say something would have been when it happened. Why do so many seem to lose their tongues when apparently it's an issue with which you take such great umbrage? If it's really so egregious to you then by all means follow up with her. But the whole letter writing thing, supervisor calling, etc.-----please.

I don't think you need to mention your brother--it really doesn't matter---it wasn't offensive beause of WHO she happened to say it in front of----it was just flat out offensive in itself. Besides, you don't know her story. While your photos are sentimental and all and I'm sincerely sorry for your loss, maybe her whole family was down at Jonestown or she's the only one left who hasn't taken that step. The point is you don't know. Here's a little secret. I've probably said more than once a poorly chosen comment or two about a drunk tearing up my ER

Point is ---I'm not an angel--I'm a human. And then I'm a nurse. And a damn good one.

Maybe the original nurse is too---she just behaved incredibly stupid and needs to be called on it. Simple/easy and should have already been done. Hmmmm....how long will it be before someone calls for her license or a call to the board :)

FWIW--My guess is the OP somehow identified herself as a nurse and therefore the other people probably "let their guard down" some. Still inappropriate? Yep. So say something!!!

Now I'll get flamed on this one--but geez people, we really love to rally around and pile on what is clearly someone's bad judgement. She was wrong--tell her so and move on..............oh yeah, except the Marty Mary nurses---we KNOW you would never do such a thing :nono:

And to the OP----I really am sorry for your losses. I just get so tired of the righteous piling on we seem to do. If I was staffed everyday with all of these perfect nurses who seem to exist so plentifully in cyberspace then I would never feel the desire to call off!

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Oh goodness....Here we all go again---equating certainly unprofessional behavior that needs to be addressed with heinous firable offenses. Oh yeah, and let's not forget, many of you would NEVER want to work with that person or HAVE her as your nurse. Pfft....

Sorry to sound so callous but the OP was being cared for by a jerk. Guess what? There are lots of those in healthcare. The time to say something would have been when it happened. Why do so many seem to lose their tongues when apparently it's an issue with which you take such great umbrage? If it's really so egregious to you then by all means follow up with her. But the whole letter writing thing, supervisor calling, etc.-----please.

I don't think you need to mention your brother--it really doesn't matter---it wasn't offensive beause of WHO she happened to say it in front of----it was just flat out offensive in itself. Besides, you don't know her story. While your photos are sentimental and all and I'm sincerely sorry for your loss, maybe her whole family was down at Jonestown or she's the only one left who hasn't taken that step. The point is you don't know. Here's a little secret. I've probably said more than once a poorly chosen comment or two about a drunk tearing up my ER (been one myself) about having to babysit a manipulative 5150 (Nephew was one twice) and, oh yeah, even an attempted Borderline "gesturer" who worked everyone of our last nerves---ladies and gentlemen, the newly found twin of my dear sister!

Point is ---I'm not an angel--I'm a human. And then I'm a nurse. And a damn good one.

Maybe the original nurse is too---she just behaved incredibly stupid and needs to be called on it. Simple/easy and should have already been done. Hmmmm....how long will it be before someone calls for her license or a call to the board :)

FWIW--My guess is the OP somehow identified herself as a nurse and therefore the other people probably "let their guard down" some. Still inappropriate? Yep. So say something!!!

Now I'll get flamed on this one--but geez people, we really love to rally around and pile on what is clearly someone's bad judgement. She was wrong--tell her so and move on..............oh yeah, except the Marty Mary nurses---we KNOW you would never do such a thing :nono:

And to the OP----I really am sorry for your losses. I just get so tired of the righteous piling on we seem to do. If I was staffed everyday with all of these perfect nurses who seem to exist so plentifully in cyberspace then I would never feel the desire to call off!

No flames from me. You make very good points.

As I said, I've put my foot in my mouth waay more than once.

steph

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Specializes in surgical, neuro, education.
Sorry to sound so callous but the OP was being cared for by a jerk. Guess what? There are lots of those in healthcare. The time to say something would have been when it happened. Why do so many seem to lose their tongues when apparently it's an issue with which you take such great umbrage? If it's really so egregious to you then by all means follow up with her. But the whole letter writing thing, supervisor calling, etc.-----please
.

Miss Mab--your points are taken--but I am a human too. I am aware of ways we as health care workers deal with these hard issues. This nurse caught me off guard and over a personal issue. If this had been a patient that I was taking care of and she had said this (the nurse)--you can bet I would of said something to her at the time. (and not in front of others).

I don't want to see this person fired or taken before the BON. I do want to make her aware of her words. As nurses we are great advocates for our patients with other HCW and family members etc. It is not as easy to be an advocate for oneself or at least not for me.

My idea of a damn good nurse is one who looks past the diagnosis and sees the person.

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