I am concerned about a fellow nurse I work with. She is in her late 40's and has a history of attempted suicide (though they were more like calls for help, she slit her wrists in front of her children once and another time took 180 prescription pills, both times it was over a man) and has even been institutuionalized. I have known her about 7 months, and have seen some of the typical bipolar behaviors. This may seem beside the point right now but woman is a well-meaning but has a very foul mouth and is somewhat aggressive and loud and tends to be a bit clingy. She has no relatives other than her children (she has two who are grown). She has found a friend in me and has expressed fear that somehow our jobs will end and we won't be able to work together anymore and she is wanting to make sure she keeps up with me and we get our next job together. I'm happy to have a friend but I don't it's good for her to feel so attached. But that isn't the issue right now...for the last year and a half, she has been going out with this man, who she dotes on. She had really fallen for this man and would
shower him with expensive gifts (that she really couldn't afford, like big screen tv's, stereos, vacations, big bouquets of flowers every week, etc.) but I noticed that while he accepted these gifts without much hesitation he didn't seem to be as receptive to her affection and attention as she wanted him to be. This would lead to frustration on her part whoch she would express to me. Some days she would be near hysterics and say that her life may as well be over and that she knew he was using her but felt like she has to spend on him to stay in his good graces.
Well she called me up today so hysterical I could hardly understand her. Apprently, whats-his-face had another woman at his house and he has told my friend it's over. So she has been threatening suicide. At this time she is wanting me to call his house and tell him I found her pale and blue around the lips and unresponsive and the ambulance took her away....I just REALLY do not want to get in the middle of this drama. I finally get a week off from work and was looking forward to spending it with my children
and my friend has asked me to meet her tomorrow just to talk. I hate to sound unappreciative but she lives over an hour away and I really dont want to get together on my week off. I want to stay with my family. I'm happy to talk by phone but I
have enough stress and drama and issues in my own life and I don't feel like I can handle hers,too. Then, what if she really does swallow two bottles of clonopin like she says she wants to do? I don't feel like I can turn her down.
I would like some advice about what you would do. I know the mature thing would be to tell her I will not participate in her pleas for attention, but reality of life is that there are times when doing the "right" or "mature" thing can lead to more trouble and crisis. I just don't know how to handle this.
Thanks for the advice. Right now, I have my phone unplugged (she started calling before I even woke up, she is determined I call her boyfriend and tell him she attempted to kill herself and I found letters to him in her car and does he want the letters....I mean, it's getting deep, everything but the violins). She is begging me to please call and she will never ask me to do anything else. I'm halfway tempted to go to a phone booth and do it, though I hate lying like that.
And yes, I am trying to find ways to distance myself from her. She is emotionally very immature and I know what it's like to have the life drained out of you by a manipulating, self-centered man, I live with him right now.
We really don't have a nurse manager at our jobs. What we do is private duty nursing and our supervisor handles us from out of state. She has been contacted by others and myself about this nurse and her response has been that while she also believes this woman is not stable (she told us about a conversation where she was cursed out and screamed at when this nurse became irate over something) she told us she did not believe this nurse to be a danger to patients and there was nothing she could do.
So basically, I'm seeing that my friend is basically a very immature, self-centered woman who clings to others because she has no one else. She feels like she is owed something by everyone. She told me last night "no one would want me." It's true that she is very overweight (his "new" girfriend is thin and pretty she says) but I wanted to tell her that the biggest turnoff is her foul mouth and aggressive attitude but she already knows this.
I'm just exasperated...went through an episode a couple of months ago where she was feeling insecure and hysterical and me and another co-worker called a crisis line and they called and talked to her.
Yesterday she had me looking through the phone book for numbers of psychics. As I was looking through the yellow pages I passed psychiatrists and I thought those would be better numbers to give her but, oh well...
I dread today...
DO NOT LET YOURSELF GET PULLED INTO THESE GAMES. SHE NEEDS HELP AND MORE HELP THEN YOU CAN GIVE HER.
sorry you are involved in this............ Take her down to the emergency room and let the pdocs evaluate her... You dont need this turmoil in your life.
I did this with a friend.... I could not take on the responsibility for her life.
What an emotional roller coaster this person has put you on. Sure you wanted to be friendly with your coworker, but this is too much.
You need to set some rules and stick to them.
1. No calls to boyfriends with lies.
2. She needs some assistance from a professional psychiatric physician. Tell her and tell her it must be soon.
3. Keep your phone unplugged for awhile, call her to check if she is still breathing, if no answer you may need to call police for a safety check.
I would bet dollars to doughnuts this person has a history of being treated for
Bipolar, knows she is off course, and loves the high and the feelings of tension and attention her actions generate. Do Not get sucked into her problems. I pray that this situations ends well, but do not feel guilty if she loses her job, and has other crisis in the next few months. Like a lot of Bipolar patients, this goes with the condition.
before you all make psychiatric diagnoses of this women, lets focus on taking this woman to a hospital first, where she will be diagnosed and treated. do you think she will go to the er or psychiatric unit of hospital volunteerly? if you call 911 and tell them that she told you she is threatening a sucide, do you think that is enough to take her to the hospital even if she is not consenting it?
you might want to post this thread under psychiatric nursing becuase they might have better idea on how to admit her to the psychiatric hospital. ...
I haven't read all the responses yet, but the ones that I've read so far I totally agree with.
My question to you, are you receiving any reciprocation in this friendship? Does she help you as much as you seem to help her? If the answer is no, this is not a healthy relationship and you do need to set your boundaries, because as someone else put it, she will drain the life out of you.
Do not get involved with her drama. She really does have some problems, and it's really hard to know whether she is "buttering you up" when she said "I hope that we can work together after this job." Or maybe she really means that statement. Either way, call someone... this woman needs help whether it be counseling or a hospital stay. She may be mad at you for calling, but if she's really your friend, she will forgive you one day and see that you did this because you truly cared about her.
I do hope everything turns out OK, for both of you. :)
I'm sorry for the double post, but I've read everything.
I repeat: Do not play into this woman's games. Do not go looking through the numbers for psychics, or any such nonsense. This woman needs help, and you aren't able to give her the help she needs.
Also, if she wants to talk to you sooo badly as she said, why is it YOU that has to drive an hour to see her? If she really needs to talk, why can't SHE drive an hour to see you? That's not fair to you, to your time, nevermind the gas over there.
Please hon, set some boundaries. We don't want you getting pulled into this, too.
I did some thinking about what "I'd" do in that situation.
First I would take any suicidal threat seriously. Offer to take her to the ER for eval and treatment.If she refused help call 911.. To me that would cover all the bases..I'd feel I had done everything within my power to help my friend/coworker, and my conscience would be clear..I would NOT play into her games whatsoever.
I would call a higher authority (police) to get this woman some help. I cannot believe that she is asking a coworker to do this for her! Get her some help, quick.
New CCU RN
796 Posts
DO NOT LET YOURSELF GET PULLED INTO THESE GAMES. SHE NEEDS HELP AND MORE HELP THEN YOU CAN GIVE HER.