Co-Worker Threatening Suicide

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I am concerned about a fellow nurse I work with. She is in her late 40's and has a history of attempted suicide (though they were more like calls for help, she slit her wrists in front of her children once and another time took 180 prescription pills, both times it was over a man) and has even been institutuionalized. I have known her about 7 months, and have seen some of the typical bipolar behaviors. This may seem beside the point right now but woman is a well-meaning but has a very foul mouth and is somewhat aggressive and loud and tends to be a bit clingy. She has no relatives other than her children (she has two who are grown). She has found a friend in me and has expressed fear that somehow our jobs will end and we won't be able to work together anymore and she is wanting to make sure she keeps up with me and we get our next job together. I'm happy to have a friend but I don't it's good for her to feel so attached. But that isn't the issue right now...for the last year and a half, she has been going out with this man, who she dotes on. She had really fallen for this man and would

shower him with expensive gifts (that she really couldn't afford, like big screen tv's, stereos, vacations, big bouquets of flowers every week, etc.) but I noticed that while he accepted these gifts without much hesitation he didn't seem to be as receptive to her affection and attention as she wanted him to be. This would lead to frustration on her part whoch she would express to me. Some days she would be near hysterics and say that her life may as well be over and that she knew he was using her but felt like she has to spend on him to stay in his good graces.

Well she called me up today so hysterical I could hardly understand her. Apprently, whats-his-face had another woman at his house and he has told my friend it's over. So she has been threatening suicide. At this time she is wanting me to call his house and tell him I found her pale and blue around the lips and unresponsive and the ambulance took her away....I just REALLY do not want to get in the middle of this drama. I finally get a week off from work and was looking forward to spending it with my children

and my friend has asked me to meet her tomorrow just to talk. I hate to sound unappreciative but she lives over an hour away and I really dont want to get together on my week off. I want to stay with my family. I'm happy to talk by phone but I

have enough stress and drama and issues in my own life and I don't feel like I can handle hers,too. Then, what if she really does swallow two bottles of clonopin like she says she wants to do? I don't feel like I can turn her down.

I would like some advice about what you would do. I know the mature thing would be to tell her I will not participate in her pleas for attention, but reality of life is that there are times when doing the "right" or "mature" thing can lead to more trouble and crisis. I just don't know how to handle this.

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wow. This chick needs some intervention, and quick. Does your employer have a 24-hour EAP line - if so you could maybe get through to a mental health professional. Either that or talk to your nurse manager and maybe get her 1013'd. So what if it p***ed her off - better to be p***ed off than dead. Plus, this girl is too unstable to be taking care of patients now, even if she does not make good on her suicide threat.

I wish I had an answer for you that really made sense. I would hate to be in that situation! Please keep us updated.

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Specializes in Med-surg.

She sounds borderline. Better safe than sorry though. If she's make outright threats of suicide I would call 911. Maybe go to someone trusted at work, but get someone else involved. It's too much for you to have to take on. Let her know you care, and provide her with emergency numbers, and tell her you don't know how to help her yourself. She seems to have issues with abandonment so maybe you can offer to take her to the hospital yourself where she is in safe hands?

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Specializes in Vents, Telemetry, Home Care, Home infusion.

Call your Employee Assistance Plan (EAP) phone number for advice. They have usually been through this before and have the best means to guide you. If you don't have EAP, then report to your nurse manager. You should not handle this alone.

You can also give call your local suicide prevention number found in the phone book.

Prior thread re suicide prevention: https://allnurses.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1010464

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Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.

I once worked sith a nurse who became depressed and began to hint at suicide. I wasn't sure what to do, and made an appointment to speak with my manager. That very day, my co-worder came to work with a gun.

She was immediately placed on leave and admitted to the hospital.

Don't take any chances. Report her to legal authorities or you manager immediately!

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Run, run, run from this woman! I know you care about her and maybe there's someone you can call on her behalf to check on her, but by no means let her manipulate your willing friendship with her to control you this way. She definately needs help... but, I'm afraid that she's only turning to the people that she can "drain." She needs a professional counselor to help her stand on her own two feet. And, in the meantime... your feet need be be running in the other direction. Don't get sucked in... If you can call and find help for her... fine, but do not let her make YOU responsible for her actions. Your main and most important obligation is to your own life and children, do not let her manipulate that.

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She sounds borderline. Better safe than sorry though. If she's make outright threats of suicide I would call 911. Maybe go to someone trusted at work, but get someone else involved. It's too much for you to have to take on. Let her know you care, and provide her with emergency numbers, and tell her you don't know how to help her yourself. She seems to have issues with abandonment so maybe you can offer to take her to the hospital yourself where she is in safe hands?

No doubt she has some Axis II traits.

To the OP, if she says she is going to harm herself, call 911. Let the police do a welfare check and take her to the hospital for evaluation. If you let her, she will drain the very life out of you, no doubt. She needs years of professional counseling. Good luck to you.

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Specializes in med/surg/tele/neuro/rehab/corrections.

I agree with Widow2RN. Distance yourself from this woman. She is a leach. And absolutely DO NOT go over to her house. Don't hesitate to put your family first. No other person would even consider driving over an hour to someone's house like that. Please take everyones advice here and call someone to get some help with this situation. This woman sounds like a danger to herself and everyone around her if she goes off the deep end and she sounds like she's not too far from it.

Keep us posted and good luck.

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This woman is drowning in her own mental illness and warped outlook. Just as lifeguards offer a buoy to a drowning person rather than get pulled under, you must care for your friend from a distance or she will take you under with her when she goes.

The above posters made good suggestions. EAP programs are experienced at dealing with the desperate.

Here are some thoughts which you might find hard to swallow but nevertheless are true:

Your responsisbility for your friend cannot exceed her own. If she refuses help or treatment except on her own manipulative terms, you have to let her make that choice. She won't get better and may get much worse but that's HER choice, not yours.

It's a common psych game to make another person--staff, family member, friend--the last resort, the only one who can help, the lifeline. Refuse to take that role. Kindly, but firmly, point her in the right directions but do NOT let yourself be cast in the role of savior, because, unless you are God, you can't get the job done.

Tell your friend that you will take any further threats seriously and call for help. Over the years, my kids had friends who made threats. This stopped when they told parents, teachers, etc. The friends learned that my kids were not going to play that game. They also learned that my kids would get help for them if they really needed it.

I wish you well. Keep yourself sane and happy. Care for your friend from a distance if her behavior robs you of your peace.

Miranda F.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.

My thoughts exactly...borderline, which you describe very well in your description of her behavior. How can you protect yourself? Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. And yes, she will love you and hate you for it. How can you help her? Talk to your employer/EAP about your concern, for your own peace of mine. Call 911 to her house when she calls you suicidal with expressed intent to harm herself. I would even set limits regarding the time of night that you would accept calls and conditions upon which you might visit...like "on your way to the counselor, I'll drive". Sound like a broken record by directing her to professional help as a condition of your friendship. It comes down to holding her responsible for the choices she makes. Prove me wrong, but I don't anticipate this friendship lasting very long.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

All posters have given great advice...you are so right that getting sucked into the drama that is her life is uncomfortable and damaging to you. Good luck...I'd get an unlisted number.

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Thanks for the advice. Right now, I have my phone unplugged (she started calling before I even woke up, she is determined I call her boyfriend and tell him she attempted to kill herself and I found letters to him in her car and does he want the letters....I mean, it's getting deep, everything but the violins). She is begging me to please call and she will never ask me to do anything else. I'm halfway tempted to go to a phone booth and do it, though I hate lying like that.

And yes, I am trying to find ways to distance myself from her. She is emotionally very immature and I know what it's like to have the life drained out of you by a manipulating, self-centered man, I live with him right now.

We really don't have a nurse manager at our jobs. What we do is private duty nursing and our supervisor handles us from out of state. She has been contacted by others and myself about this nurse and her response has been that while she also believes this woman is not stable (she told us about a conversation where she was cursed out and screamed at when this nurse became irate over something) she told us she did not believe this nurse to be a danger to patients and there was nothing she could do.

So basically, I'm seeing that my friend is basically a very immature, self-centered woman who clings to others because she has no one else. She feels like she is owed something by everyone. She told me last night "no one would want me." It's true that she is very overweight (his "new" girfriend is thin and pretty she says) but I wanted to tell her that the biggest turnoff is her foul mouth and aggressive attitude but she already knows this.

I'm just exasperated...went through an episode a couple of months ago where she was feeling insecure and hysterical and me and another co-worker called a crisis line and they called and talked to her.

Yesterday she had me looking through the phone book for numbers of psychics. As I was looking through the yellow pages I passed psychiatrists and I thought those would be better numbers to give her but, oh well...

I dread today...

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