Co Worker and snide comments

Nurses Relations

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So this is like a vent/help I've got here. So I have a co worker that I feel has crossed the line with her remarks and I'm not entirely sure how to handle it. She was only hired about a month ago and it seems as if she took an immediate disliking to me, and in all honesty due to the nature of her comments I believe her disliking comes from the fact that I'm male.

Within her first week on the job she point blank asked me, in front of other co workers some of whom are very good friends of mine, if I hit women. This was after she had walked in on me and a female coworker who's also a good friend horsing around during a break. I answered the question and my friend took up for my defense, however she refused to drop the issue for weeks. I have never hit a women in my life and didn't like being accused of such especially by someone I barely know.

That was the first comment but today I feel as if she really crossed the line. My best friend and his family were in town visiting this weekend and stopped by the hospital on their way out to say goodbye. My best friend has three beautiful children, two girls and a boy to which I'm the God father. Well apparently this woman saw me with them and used it as another way to attack me. When I came back in she passed a comment in front of several coworkers and my supervisor that I 'seemed a bit too close with that little girl' which must have been a reference to me carrying my oldest God daughter outside.

Now that comment really set me off because I'd die for those kids, I love them dearly and I also have my own child on the way so for anyone to imply I'd hurt a child really upsets me. Another thing is her making a comment like this in front of co workers and my supervisor could very well hurt me professionally. I work in ER now but have worked in Peds ER and I'm currently in school to get my NP in Pediatrics.

Maybe I'm over reacting by being so upset but it seems as if she's trying to professionally sabotage me. Now I've dealt with hostile co workers but never like this woman, has anyone else every dealt with a hostile co worker of this nature? How do you handle it while maintaining a civil working environment?

I didn't read all of the postings, but I am sorry that this woman is being such a jerk. Is she older than you or your own age? I know my daughter, who is also an RN, has been dealing w/ the b***ch squad at work lately. She gets a lot of flack from some of her co-workers who believe they are somehow superior because they became nuses later in life, not right out of high school. It is like they are po'd that she is young and making a good living. I saw this in school too, with some people. Most were very nice but some really had a chip on their shoulder. Even on a large unit, it only takes one or two witches (or warlocks) to stir the brew-pot Some people are so obnoxious It never ceases to amaze me how some nurses, who are supposed to be caring people, are so utterly hateful. They certainly are ready in an instant to set themselves up as experts, judge, jury, and God in the wink of an eye. I hope this all works out for you. As far as I am concerned, someone who elevates themelves by smearing others has no place in the healthcare setting. Enjoy your baby!

disruptive behavior/lateral violence is "defined as any inappropriate behavior, confrontation, or conflict - ranging from verbal abuse to physical and sexual harassment. the international council of nurses (icn) defines abuse as "behavior that humiliates, degrades, or otherwise indicates a lack of respect for the dignity and worth of an individual" (icn, 2004). often the underlying cause of lateral violence revolves around communication mishaps" (ratner, 10) or intentional abusive behaviors.

http://www.nursingworld.org/mods/mod440/lateralfull.htm

read this thread https://allnurses.com/forums/f8/lateral-violence-how-nurses-treat-nurses-232873.html

or just google lateral violence

Specializes in ER, Peds ER.

You mentioned you're going to be daddy soon. In todays climate, all it would take is for this loony toon to make another comment or call the authorities with an accusation, and next thing you know, they're taking your kid away.

Well luckily, and usually I wouldn't say that but for this situation I will, luckily my pregnant girlfriend currently lives about 10 hrs away and will until after the holidays. And hopefully this situation will be resolved before she moves here and it better be resolved before the baby gets here. I don't want the stress of malicious co worker on top of school and a newborn baby.

I didn't read all of the postings, but I am sorry that this woman is being such a jerk. Is she older than you or your own age? I know my daughter, who is also an RN, has been dealing w/ the b***ch squad at work lately. She gets a lot of flack from some of her co-workers who believe they are somehow superior because they became nuses later in life, not right out of high school. It is like they are po'd that she is young and making a good living. I saw this in school too, with some people.

Yea she's older than me, she's probably in her late 30s or early 40s and I'm 24. so she's got some years on me, and when I first started working I encounter a lot of the behavior you're talking about with people forcing me to prove myself a little more because I was so young but I honestly don't believe that's this woman's agenda. I honestly have no clue what her agenda is but I'm getting ready to go to work tonight and knowing that I'm going to have to deal with her when she gets there in the morning just makes my head hurt thinking about it. I like my job and majority of my co workers, I hate that one person is ruining my work nights. Even when she doesn't say anything, I'm just waiting for her too. But I have gone to my supervisor and I did from memory write up a document of comments she's made, and I'm going to continue that until I feel I have enough to warrant getting HR involved. I guess that's all that really can be done.

Specializes in Corrections, Cardiac, Hospice.
But I have gone to my supervisor and I did from memory write up a document of comments she's made, and I'm going to continue that until I feel I have enough to warrant getting HR involved. I guess that's all that really can be done.

Good luck, hon. Sounds like your doing all the right things. I wouldn't wait to go to HR however, I would do it first thing in the morning. Also, document when you went to your manager and the response you got on that end. Another piece of advice I would give. Let your unit gossip/know it all (we all have one) know that you are doing all this. You know, in casual conversation. "gee, I really am getting a hard time from a nurse here. I have tried taking it all in stride, but I don't think I can anymore. The remarks are so inappropriate and the attacks are personal. I went to the manager and am documenting all the remarks I feel are slanderous. I guess my next step will be HR or risk management. I just don't know what else to do...." Bet Nurse Nasty knows where you stand before your in your car.:rolleyes:

The comments she has made are enough to go to HR. Accusations like the ones she has made need to be addressed before this gets even further out of line. I would make a formal complaint against her before this lunatic makes one against you. I also wouldn't tip her off or take about this with the staff. I'd deal with management and only management on this issue in a professional and firm matter. I'd be in a meeting tomorrow morning and I really hope you are as well. I think she's really bad news and she could make big trouble for you. Make a formal complaint and get HR involved ASAP. You need help dealing with this issue.

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

I think batman may be giving good advise there.

Specializes in Family Practice/Primary Care.

Dude, you are the same age as me.

Ask yourself this, do you want this woman to do something that hurts you for the next 4 or more decades? Take the gloves off bud.

Specializes in Operating Room Nursing.

Please do not wait to go to HR. As others have said, the comments were so far out of line that it needs to be dealt with professionally and higher up the food chain.

Also what if the supervisor mentions to this nurse that you have made a complaint to her, or she hears it through gossip? This may not happen but in my experience these sorts of things get around. She may do something drastic so she will look like the victim and no one will believe you.

Keep us updated.

I agree with NYDreamer. Be careful of this one and do NOT be alone with her, she may try and accuse you of doing something to her... I haven't read the whole thread yet but am intrigued... Keep us posted!

Specializes in ER, Peds ER.

So I filed a formal complaint with HR this morning. And once I filled out all the paperwork was told they'd review the complaint and have a meeting setup within the next 48 hrs.... How about I had my meeting with my NM, HR and this woman within 3 hours. Why so quickly when they told me 48 hrs you might ask. Because apparently this woman just wants to go to war with me and decided that today would be a good day to insert herself in a conversation between myself and two other co workers and pass a comment about what kind of father could I ever be when I got a girl pregnant without marrying her... And that was officially my line, I snapped back in defense and told her in so many words that she had no clue what she was talking about and that she needed to never speak about my girlfriend, my baby, or anyone else that had anything to do with me ever again. It wasn't nearly that nice though, and the words left my mouth without me even thinking about them. And then I proceeded straight to my NM.

You know this woman either really has a screw loose or I must remind her of some guy who did her wrong because she was about the most unprofessional human being I've ever seen and she continued to try and defend herself by belittling me even in front of the NM and HR guy. I mean she honestly had no answers for anything about why she was making such comments except to make another reference to the comment. I said my piece during the meeting and then had to leave so I could make it to class on time so as of right now I don't know what happened with her after I left the meeting but my NM left me a voicemail while I was in class to call her later tonight so... I know this is really bad but now I truly hope they fired her.

Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.

Jay, you know we are all really nosy here so give us an update. Pretty please. I'm glad you had the meeting. Sometimes you have to let it all out and I think you did a great job.

Specializes in ER, Peds ER.

Yea as soon as I talk to my NM and find out what happened with her I'll let everyone know.

Like I said I know this is awful but I hope she got fired. She'd have been just fine and I'd have been passive and blown off her comments if she'd never brought my friends and family into her comments. Now after today she really ****** me off and I honestly believe that unless they do fire her she'll continue it all behind my back and this hospitals paying for my grad school so I can't exactly just quit and go work somewhere else. Plus I like it minus her.

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