Help! I am so conflicted. I am at a crossroads and struggling to choose. The age old family versus career. I need an experienced nurse and mom to give me advice.
Would you take the amazing job that you know you will love and will build your resume, but it is 5 days a week with a long commute and will mean missing SO much with your small child?They are not willing to do part time or anything other than 5 days a week.
or take the prn job where you worked at before, no patient care. Super boring, but great coworkers and close to home but its boring and will make it super hard to find a new job in the future. It's a dead end, no room to move up. I could make great money and only work 3 days a week, lots of family time. My child is small, he is a miracle after infertility treatment.
I would love the 5 day a week job, it's a huge opportunity. If I pass it up I know I will always be a little regretful. But I really want to take the dead end prn position to have more time with my little one . They are only small once and I don't want to miss everything. A lot of moms work 5 days a week, but one of the perks of nursing is not having to do that. My husband is pushing me to take the 5 day a week great opportunity and give it a try. Any words of wisdom?
I took a 5 day a week job when my daughter was born. It was harder than I expected and I was gone more than I wanted to be. I then took several years off to stay home when I had my second then third child. I had a couple awesome opportunities come up that I would have LOVED but it would've meant working more than I wanted. Now that those kids are all grown up, I do not regret for one second not taking those opportunities because now I am back to full time, can do anything or any schedule I want and I have found work is not nearly as exciting as my family time. There will be other opportunities esp if you're working a couple days a week no matter where it is. Your baby is only little once and it goes so darn fast. Cherish it!!
I always think of any regrets I'd have on my deathbed. Gee I wish I would have taken that full time, long commute job when my child was small OR I wish I'd spent more time with my child when he was small. Its not all about money and careers, enjoy the journey bc it goes by fast. Guess you know what I'd do, family first and always. Anyone can be the nurse but only you can be the mommy in your kid's lives.
I could make great money and only work 3 days a week, lots of family time. My child is small, he is a miracle after infertility treatment.
You have answered yourself no amount of career promotions could ever come close to spending time with children especially when they are small and a little miracle.There is no worse feeling when you child asks how long you are going to be on that night shift or whatever.I know many nurses that would a right arm and a pint of blood to have time with their children and be able to earn enough.
Ask any latch key child if they would enjoy having one parent at home instead of an empty house.
and what is wrong with your husband,it is your decision.
Thanks everyone for all of the insightful information. This morning I woke up with a strong feeling I want the prn and called my former boss. My heart wants to be home more. She said the position isn't posted yet, they are still working on getting it approved. I didn't realize it wasn't a done deal since they were begging me to stay. I pushed for a when or how long and all I got was "these things take as long as they take" and "we are working on it". They are super short staffed and I know their OT budget is terrible right now. I gave more than a months notice the day before my last dayI was told they'd call me in a week or so to sit down to discuss hours and days needed. They announced at a staff meeting I might be coming back. prn last week even. They are blaming the delay on red tape of getting it approved by the higher ups and some rules with the union. I asked is this going to be weeks or months and got more " I don't know and we'll have to wait and see". It was not reassuring at all.
I am slated to start the full time position on 4/8 so now I feel like I need to take it. I am so afraid to turn it down and then have the prn never materialize. So now I feel like I have to start and hope for the best. I know it would be awful to take it and then quit, but I am too afraid to pass it up and be left waiting for who knows how long.
I finally felt like I made a choice and figured out where I wanted to go and then the rug got pulled out from under me again.
I too have been "offered" a position that is not posted yet. I spoke to my kids, rearranged things, and mentally spent time on it. So unfair to you.
I'm sure in your case it will actually be posted but mine ended up not even being created.
From your post, I am worried that your husband is pushing you to work fulltime and you really sound like you dont want to. Try to ask him why exactly? Is it money, or more than that? Its important you are on the same page.
I was the type that wanted time with my kids, even if it meant that we lived in a car. I took such long absences from nursing that I almost lost my license. I have to admit, this attitude was not the best for my marriage. I am currently divorced and there were many problems but I'm sure my lack of employment was a contributing factor. I think I lost a lot of power in the relationship.
I am currently back on a med/surg unit after not working acute care for 15 years. I am 50. I make 2 dollars more an hour than a young nurse with just a couple of years experience, and I have struggled getting up to speed with the pace. I still am only part time and at my age have trouble working fulltime in hospitals.
I have children that were the result of fertility treatments and have also had miscarriages so I understand how precious children are.
So, I guess I'm just sort of "talking outloud", about some possible dangers in career planning for mothers. The child is basically your career now for the next 10 years, unless your husband wants to take time off for illnesses, activities, and celebrations. It can be either parent that gives of their time, but someone has to always be available to the child when they are small. Even if the child is in daycare, or preschool.
I know none of these choices are easy and it also depends on the kid. I have one who would have been fine growing up in daycare, and one who has some disabilities who I ended up homeschooling.
Welcome to the world of motherhood, it's very stressful. Just do what works for you and your family and dont feel bad about it!
A long commute would be a deal-breaker FOR ME. It’s one thing to work 40 hours per week, but I would hate having to take additional time sitting in a car.
If you want to do pt care, what about taking a prn bedside job closer to home?
...I am at a crossroads and struggling to choose. The age old family versus career...
I read your post above about the uncertainty of the prn position. I want to remind you of your original question...family versus career. Nothing in life is guaranteed but reality at this moment in time is the magic and wonder of the little dude you have been gifted to nurture and raise and turn loose to be a successful, independent, adult. At 4:00 AM when you think you're the only one in the world who is sleep deprived with a crying baby you feel like time has stopped. Then you blink and you are registering him for Kindergarten and when you catch your breath again he is walking the stage to get his high school diploma. This decision is yours but you only get one chance, no do overs.
I have always chosen my kid over jobs. I tried to work a M-F job when my kid was little but I only lasted a year because I really felt the need to be with the kid.
The best schedule for little kids, in my opinion, is 12 hour shifts (2-3 shifts/week).
If you do take the five day a week job, is your husband's work flexible enough to allow him to pick up a sick child from school? If you are working 2 hours away, you might not be able to pick up your child easily. Taking a new job involves a lot of logistical details to work out.
Before you decide, you might also have a conversation with your husband about the redistribution of labor. How will things have to change? Who will do what?
A long commute would be a deal-breaker FOR ME. It’s one thing to work 40 hours per week, but I would hate having to take additional time sitting in a car.
If you want to do pt care, what about taking a prn bedside job closer to home?
I have applied to no less than 30 but no one will hire he as my floor experience is not recent. 2015. For prn they all want recent on the same unit.
I read your post above about the uncertainty of the prn position. I want to remind you of your original question...family versus career. Nothing in life is guaranteed but reality at this moment in time is the magic and wonder of the little dude you have been gifted to nurture and raise and turn loose to be a successful, independent, adult. At 4:00 AM when you think you're the only one in the world who is sleep deprived with a crying baby you feel like time has stopped. Then you blink and you are registering him for Kindergarten and when you catch your breath again he is walking the stage to get his high school diploma. This decision is yours but you only get one chance, no do overs.
I also have bills to pay. And while it would be nice to sit at home with no job and hope the prn works out, that’s not reality unfortunately. I live in one of the most expensive places in the country so unemployment isn’t an option. So unless that prn becomes an official position before Monday, the choice has been taken away.
Time passes a lot quicker than we think it will. Got a little kid? Yep, stay home. Can't you find some other kind of stimulus other than work to satisfy you? I would think that having special time with the kiddo is time well spent. No one is lying on their deathbed, saying out loud "I wish I had worked more".
Besides when you work a lot, you come home tired and may not have the patience or energy to do what you want or what the demands of motherhood place on you. You want to avoid all sense of resentment you might feel caused by working so much. Be happy you have a choice, a lot of mothers must work as the sole income for their family. I had a little one, was a single mom and worked nightshift. It was terrible.
RatherBHiking, BSN, RN
592 Posts
I took a 5 day a week job when my daughter was born. It was harder than I expected and I was gone more than I wanted to be. I then took several years off to stay home when I had my second then third child. I had a couple awesome opportunities come up that I would have LOVED but it would've meant working more than I wanted. Now that those kids are all grown up, I do not regret for one second not taking those opportunities because now I am back to full time, can do anything or any schedule I want and I have found work is not nearly as exciting as my family time. There will be other opportunities esp if you're working a couple days a week no matter where it is. Your baby is only little once and it goes so darn fast. Cherish it!!