Bullied at work, and the DON won't do anything about it. (venting)

This is not an attention-seeking post, something I see a lot of people here accusing others of doing.  I am not even asking for advice. Just venting. 

I am ganged up against, by a certain background of staff (certain native country) who make up the majority of my workplace. I know it doesn't make any sense, why am I still there. I am there because I love my residents, my company as a whole. 

I just wish there would be something they do about this bullying and retaliation (when they found out I c/o about it). 

The DON makes me feel like I am the problem, by ignoring even my written statement. She actually gets mad at if I ever say anything about it! 

I would get in detail, but I don't want even this innocent venting post to be used against me. 

The co-workers in question speak creole around me, in front of me, in front of patients. They act aggressively. I understand basic French and I more or less understand what they're saying. 

They ran so many nurses out of that place, I refuse to leave. Let them find a reason to fire me, they don't have one. 

😞

I forgot to add, I wasn't born here either, so the whole thing doesn't make any sense. 

😞

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

Honestly, if the DON doesn't want to address it, the entrenched crew will "keep on keeping on".

A central question is: how long you're willing to put up with it...?

(Is there ANY chance of breaking the ice with this clique and establishing some form of detente?)

" Let them find a reason to fire me,they don't have one. " But they will find one.

I cannot imagine why you would put yourself through a no-win situation.

[speedynurse, ADN, RN, EMT-P]

All true with what the above posted. I am one that has no patience with cliques. I was once in a tiny department with cliques and incredibly grateful to get out and go back to a larger department. Somethings can’t be changed....and why would you want to stay in a department where all they find is reasons to put you down and try to change you? Go to a department where you can do your job in peace. 

On 10/24/2020 at 6:13 AM, NewRN'16 said:

This is not an attention seeking post, something I see a lot of people here accusing others of doing.  

I am not even asking for advice. Just venting. 

I am ganged up against , by a certain background of staff (certain native country) who make up majority of my workplace. 

I know it doesn't make any sense, why am I still there. I am there because I love my residents, my company as a whole. 

I just wish there would be something they do about this bullying and retaliation (when they found out I c/o about it). 

The DON makes me feel like I am the problem, by ignoring even my written statement. She actually gets mad at if I ever say anything about it! 

I would get in detail, but I don't want even this innocent venting post to be used against me. 

The co workers in question speak creole around me, in front of me , in front of patients. They act agressively. I understand basic French and I more or less understand what they're saying. 

They ran so many nurses out of that place, I refuse to leave. Let them find a reason to fire me,they don't have one. 

😞

Well, it does sound like a fantastic place to work.

No other options?

I would sort out a Plan B.  Not the pill- the other kind.

[iluvivt, BSN, RN]

Some people are  just cruel.Their cruelness may not change but how you handle the situation may change their antics and behaviour. They are getting some kind of pay off from it,perhaps it makes them feel better about their existence.The truth is no one ever feels truly good when behaving this way.Emotinally healthy people feel good and whole when they generously give of themselves.So you must handle this yourself if you are getting nowhere with management and choose to not be run off.Do they know you understand what they are saying or have you played dumb? If so, it's time they know you know the score here! You need to be clever about this so you don't look like the troublemaker.You must also let them see they can't get under your skin and this is NOT bothering you.Even if it really is you need to fake it.The goal is to get them to stop.I wish I. could have examples so I can give you a few things to say, but I understand. Even a simple, You just said I was a horrible nurse and mean to my patients and I find that so sad that you need to put others down...or you just said XY and Z and I want to let you know that sure says a lot about the kind of person YOU are....or that sure says a whole lot more about YOU than me...You must never let them see you upset, emotional or crying....you can even start humming and smiling.Once they see it's not bothering you at all, they may get worse so be prepared.If you can hold it together...they are just testing you...they will often stop the  bad behavior! 

2 hours ago, iluvivt said:

Some people are  just cruel.Their cruelness may not change but how you handle the situation may change their antics and behaviour. They are getting some kind of pay off from it,perhaps it makes them feel better about their existence.The truth is no one ever feels truly good when behaving this way.Emotinally healthy people feel good and whole when they generously give of themselves.So you must handle this yourself if you are getting nowhere with management and choose to not be run off.Do they know you understand what they are saying or have you played dumb? If so, it's time they know you know the score here! You need to be clever about this so you don't look like the troublemaker.You must also let them see they can't get under your skin and this is NOT bothering you.Even if it really is you need to fake it.The goal is to get them to stop.I wish I. could have examples so I can give you a few things to say, but I understand. Even a simple, You just said I was a horrible nurse and mean to my patients and I find that so sad that you need to put others down...or you just said XY and Z and I want to let you know that sure says a lot about the kind of person YOU are....or that sure says a whole lot more about YOU than me...You must never let them see you upset, emotional or crying....you can even start humming and smiling.Once they see it's not bothering you at all, they may get worse so be prepared.If you can hold it together...they are just testing you...they will often stop the  bad behavior! 

You are correct, this is a cruel bunch and they will not change. Their payoff is, the satisfaction received from ganging up on someone.  

OP is now a target, they have their sights set on her. Her behaviour will not  deter them. They are a pack of wolves coming in for the kill. 

I have been the victim of the pack mentality. The only answer was to remove myself from the situation.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

You didn't ask for advice; nonetheless, I will give it.

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Those people have targeted you and they won't stop until some manager figures out a way to get rid of you. I have faced this situation myself and I wound up quitting before I was fired (this was years ago in a med/surg unit). I never did understand why the management and co-workers had problems with me---I worked hard, was friendly to everyone and did my best every day---but one assistant manager in particular picked on me incessantly and my co-workers would go to her behind my back. I put up with it until I couldn't face one. more. day. of it and had a nervous breakdown, right there in the manager's office.

Don't be like me and wait too long to shake the dust of this place from your feet. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do. Viva

On 10/24/2020 at 6:13 AM, NewRN'16 said:

 They ran so many nurses out of that place, I refuse to leave. Let them find a reason to fire me, they don't have one. 

😞

By refusing to leave, aren’t you in effect cutting off your nose to spite your face? 

We spend a significant part of our lives at work. Personally I wouldn’t voluntarily spend that much time in an unsupportive, even hostile environment if I had any other options available to me. How would spending time in that milieu on a daily basis not affect overall quality of life? 

You wrote that you love your company as a whole. I don’t see how they’ve earned that privilege when they allow for this kind of poor leadership to continue. From what you’ve said I wouldn’t be surprised if the apparently condoned behavior doesn’t only affect some members of staff, like yourself, negatively but may also have a detrimental impact on patient/resident care. 

I can’t tell you what to do, but if I was faced with this situation I would make it a priority to try to find a new job. 

Take care! 
 

Can you transfer to a sister nursing home within the company? Are you in the NY metro area? Most homes are hurting for staff so the likelihood of being able to transfer is probably pretty good right now. 

Edited Oct 26, 2020 by egg122 NP

Lots of Bullying in Management at my job too. They all have "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" I use to argue with them but once I studied this disorder by watching Youtube videos I realized that they were getting a lot of joy by upsetting me on purpose. I am now using the "gray rock" method of dealing with them and it has been very helpful.

[amoLucia]

Blackcat - what's the 'grey rock' method? Am too lazy to look it up right now.

Gray rock is where you make yourself so uninteresting and unemotional that bullies, sociopaths and users lose interest in you because there is no emotional payoff. 

You don't initiate contact, have nothing interesting to say, do not hold up your end of a conversation well, give no opinions, give no information about your personal life, opinions or any details about yourself. When baited, you don't take the bait. Gray rock is the ultimate wet-blanket response. 

For people who thrive on control, manipulation and drama, you don't give them any ammunition to use against you. No tears, no visible upset, to anger, no reward. 

[amoLucia]

Gotcha! Like a lump! TY for the response.

I just wanted to thank every each and every one of you for your input, I actually learned not only what* but how I should/ how I should act before I leave, to lessen their attacks. 

On a positive note, I just got home from work not long ago and I found this: 

https://mol.im/a/8881613 

If a kitten jumps from a window to save it's life, what am I doing there, literally having them (watching them) killing me in slow motion ...

Thanks again , Allnurses x you have come through again, as always. 

Love you all x x❤️ 

Edited Oct 27, 2020 by NewRN'16

Just throwing this out there, if I remember correctly you are from Florida? When I went to med school in the Caribbean, a lot of the "main office" (shell company consulting firms, mostly) were based in Miami. I knew of 2 girls that that dropped out of another school on my island and were suddenly nurses in FL about 4 months later. I guess Florida allows pretty much any school that applies to grant a nursing degree required for the NCLEX, but I really can't see how either one of them could have entered the profession legitimately. Are you sure they are even nurses? I think a little background investigating might reveal they all got a 'degree' from the same strip mall university with a p.o. box address, which could be used to get some leverage, especially if the facility has some pending malpractice or wrongful death lawsuits. 

Side question: Is there some loophole with Florida licensing, because they have licensure reciprocity with other states but Miami is filled with diploma mills. I know I have to be missing something, because it seems like all you'd have to do is pay a diploma mill for a degree, sit for the NCLEX, then transfer your license to another state and surely a lot of people would do this.

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

4 hours ago, DMQ48 said:

Just throwing this out there, if I remember correctly you are from Florida? When I went to med school in the Caribbean, a lot of the "main office" (shell company consulting firms, mostly) were based in Miami. I knew of 2 girls that that dropped out of another school on my island and were suddenly nurses in FL about 4 months later. I guess Florida allows pretty much any school that applies to grant a nursing degree required for the NCLEX, but I really can't see how either one of them could have entered the profession legitimately. Are you sure they are even nurses? I think a little background investigating might reveal they all got a 'degree' from the same strip mall university with a p.o. box address, which could be used to get some leverage, especially if the facility has some pending malpractice or wrongful death lawsuits. 

Side question: Is there some loophole with Florida licensing, because they have licensure reciprocity with other states but Miami is filled with diploma mills. I know I have to be missing something, because it seems like all you'd have to do is pay a diploma mill for a degree, sit for the NCLEX, then transfer your license to another state and surely a lot of people would do this.

Not sure how you tie the bullying behavior together with not having legitimate licenses to practice. Are you implying that because they're not American-born that they obtained fraudulent credentials?