My best friend of 10 years is having a difficult time in school where she was put on academic probation twice and received a 1.9 for her first semester of college and a 2.0 for her second semester (she believes she has ADD). So she is taking classes this summer to get back caught up with school in general.
However, she is failing her Bio 101 class and expexts me to help get her an A overnight because she thinks I know everything and don't need to study to get an A in any class I take. Yet, we are taking two different classes as I'm taking Microbiology and never once took Bio 101 as a college course.
So I wouldn't even know where to begin to help her study as I don't have a clue what she's learning. And yet she tries to make me drop everything I'm doing (my own studying time included) to come help her study.
For instance, like today she called me up telling me to come over and help her study for finals because she is not understanding the material and I told her I can't because I just got off of work and needed to study for my own finals. Then she blatantly said that I'm going to pull an A regardless since nursing is an easy major to have and get into unlike her major (physical therapy) which is harder and requires better grades. (Though I don't fault her for saying this since she doesn't know much about nursing at all).
Or when I told her that I'm meeting up with a study group from my class tomorrow for finals she got mad at me and claimed that I didn't care about her struggles and I should help her. Even though I did show and tell her how to study smartly but she completely disregarded it and wants me to give her answers and explain her class material to her that I refused to do. (And even as I type this she is texting me to forgo my study group tomorrow to come help her).
And now my friends and family are telling me that I'm wrong and act like I can't help a friend out in her time of need and I should be ashamed of myself.
At first I thought I was not in the wrong to refuse to help my friend but after being told that I do feel a little bit guilty for not doing all I can to help her and want advice from you guys on how I should've have went about the situation.
If you just got through all of this thank you for reading this long post as it was a struggle to type.
Yes, I used to always help write her essays for her in high school! But she had a 3.8 GPA while in HS and I had had a 2.9 so I think the environment just changed for her. Because I'm not a 4.0 student in college.
This is a very, very common thing that happens with someone who has undiagnosed or untreated ADHD/ADD and they start a new job or at key junctures of school transitions like middle to high school or high school to college or an adult going back to school after being out for a long time.
People with ADHD/ADD develop strategies to compensate in their job or studying/completing assignments that help them to be successful in the same/similar environments but in a new environment the strategies no longer work and it all starts to fall apart.
Tell her to check to see if she can get evaluated at school by a psychologist/psychiatrist as it could be free or very low cost. If she doesn't want to go to the school, I'm sure there are a ton people who she could see in Chicago.
ADHD/ADD doesn't go away and its ramifications can wreak havoc as the new situations keep getting worse and the top comorbidities of it are Anxiety and Depression.
She needs to find out if this is the issue ASAP and if it is, some decisions need to be made in the form of treatment she may want to try and what accommodations she may need to help her be successful- maybe not in PT but in something that she is interested in.
Also, you are not wrong for not helping her in the way that she wants to be helped at all.
So my friend failed her exam and she told me she had a panic attack and was crying because she had a D on the 100 test question quiz and an F on the final. I can't help but to feel guilty, however I know there was nothing I really could do to help her.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
So my friend failed her exam and she told me she had a panic attack and was crying because she had a D on the 100 test question quiz and an F on the final. I can't help but to feel guilty, however I know there was nothing I really could do to help her.
Don't feel bad one bit. She made her bed & now has to lay in it. If she refuses to seek help because she thinks she is ADD, that is her fault. I would not feel bad one bit. She is not taking your advice & just wants you to do her work for her.
Your "friend" sounds like a lazy, entitled brat. If she's been on academic probation TWICE and is currently failing BI101, there's no way in heck that she's going to even make it into physical therapy school. She has no idea what it takes to be a college student. Sounds like she's just using you and your work ethic to get what she wants without putting in any effort or responsibility. Drop her and make new friends. You can do so much better. Focus on your own grades and nursing school.
So my friend failed her exam and she told me she had a panic attack and was crying because she had a D on the 100 test question quiz and an F on the final. I can't help but to feel guilty, however I know there was nothing I really could do to help her.
Her failure is not on you, it's all HER RESPONSIBILITY. You need to make new friends. She's being manipulative because she can tell you are compassionate and want to help. Be careful of this as a nursing student and later on as a nurse, manipulative patients will also see this and take advantage. "Ppppleaseeee, my pain is now a 10/10 and I really need an extra dose of dilaudid, can you give me this dose a little early...I'm in SOO MUCH PAIN" they'll say as they surf through facebook and eat doritos. You have to set boundaries and not let manipulative people take advantage of you.
Her failure is not on you, it's all HER RESPONSIBILITY. You need to make new friends. She's being manipulative because she can tell you are compassionate and want to help. Be careful of this as a nursing student and later on as a nurse, manipulative patients will also see this and take advantage. "Ppppleaseeee, my pain is now a 10/10 and I really need an extra dose of dilaudid, can you give me this dose a little early...I'm in SOO MUCH PAIN" they'll say as they surf through facebook and eat doritos. You have to set boundaries and not let manipulative people take advantage of you.
OR pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase, work a double/come in to work on your day off!
So my friend failed her exam and she told me she had a panic attack and was crying because she had a D on the 100 test question quiz and an F on the final. I can't help but to feel guilty, however I know there was nothing I really could do to help her.
"I will not set fire to myself to keep you warm."
This is July, so probably a summer class? SHE spent 4 weeks or 6 weeks - or 8 or 10 - digging her own hole, not you.
If her problem is ADHD, you cannot treat that. You cannot fix it.
If her problem is that she's not particularly gifted in the classes she's failing, you cannot fix that.
You also can't fix her attitude that her needs are more important than yours or that the program you're dedicating yourself to - which is very difficult and competitive - is easy.
I'm sorry, but this person is not a friend. She is an adult; she needs to learn to carry her own weight. I hope you have other relationships that have more equal give and take.
[ QUOTE=Neywel120;9126312]Yes, I used to always help write her essays for her in high school! But she had a 3.8 GPA while in HS and I had had a 2.9 so I think the environment just changed for her. Because I'm not a 4.0 student in college.
Having someone do your work FOR doesn't sound like "strategy". Sounds like user and abuser.
This is a very, very common thing that happens with someone who has undiagnosed or untreated ADHD/ADD and they start a new job or at key junctures of school transitions like middle to high school or high school to college or an adult going back to school after being out for a long time.
People with ADHD/ADD develop strategies to compensate in their job or studying/completing assignments that help them to be successful in the same/similar environments but in a new environment the strategies no longer work and it all starts to fall apart.
Tell her to check to see if she can get evaluated at school by a psychologist/psychiatrist as it could be free or very low cost. If she doesn't want to go to the school, I'm sure there are a ton people who she could see in Chicago.
ADHD/ADD doesn't go away and its ramifications can wreak havoc as the new situations keep getting worse and the top comorbidities of it are Anxiety and Depression.
She needs to find out if this is the issue ASAP and if it is, some decisions need to be made in the form of treatment she may want to try and what accommodations she may need to help her be successful- maybe not in PT but in something that she is interested in.
Also, you are not wrong for not helping her in the way that she wants to be helped at all.
Is your friend going to pay for you to retake your classes when you fail, because you helped her instead of studying for your own finales? Are your friends and or family going to pay for you to retake the classes when you fail because they guilt you into skipping your study time to help this girl?
Your friend has options like you do, to sign up for study groups. You have no reason to feel guilty, your friend choose not to pay attention in class, which her grades are clearly reflecting. You need to stay focused on studying for your finals, at the end of the day you will be paying the price financially and grade wise if you do not study and stay focused.
Because she was your "friend"?
Graduatenurse14
630 Posts
This is a very, very common thing that happens with someone who has undiagnosed or untreated ADHD/ADD and they start a new job or at key junctures of school transitions like middle to high school or high school to college or an adult going back to school after being out for a long time.
People with ADHD/ADD develop strategies to compensate in their job or studying/completing assignments that help them to be successful in the same/similar environments but in a new environment the strategies no longer work and it all starts to fall apart.
Tell her to check to see if she can get evaluated at school by a psychologist/psychiatrist as it could be free or very low cost. If she doesn't want to go to the school, I'm sure there are a ton people who she could see in Chicago.
ADHD/ADD doesn't go away and its ramifications can wreak havoc as the new situations keep getting worse and the top comorbidities of it are Anxiety and Depression.
She needs to find out if this is the issue ASAP and if it is, some decisions need to be made in the form of treatment she may want to try and what accommodations she may need to help her be successful- maybe not in PT but in something that she is interested in.
Also, you are not wrong for not helping her in the way that she wants to be helped at all.