My best friend of 10 years is having a difficult time in school where she was put on academic probation twice and received a 1.9 for her first semester of college and a 2.0 for her second semester (she believes she has ADD). So she is taking classes this summer to get back caught up with school in general.
However, she is failing her Bio 101 class and expexts me to help get her an A overnight because she thinks I know everything and don't need to study to get an A in any class I take. Yet, we are taking two different classes as I'm taking Microbiology and never once took Bio 101 as a college course.
So I wouldn't even know where to begin to help her study as I don't have a clue what she's learning. And yet she tries to make me drop everything I'm doing (my own studying time included) to come help her study.
For instance, like today she called me up telling me to come over and help her study for finals because she is not understanding the material and I told her I can't because I just got off of work and needed to study for my own finals. Then she blatantly said that I'm going to pull an A regardless since nursing is an easy major to have and get into unlike her major (physical therapy) which is harder and requires better grades. (Though I don't fault her for saying this since she doesn't know much about nursing at all).
Or when I told her that I'm meeting up with a study group from my class tomorrow for finals she got mad at me and claimed that I didn't care about her struggles and I should help her. Even though I did show and tell her how to study smartly but she completely disregarded it and wants me to give her answers and explain her class material to her that I refused to do. (And even as I type this she is texting me to forgo my study group tomorrow to come help her).
And now my friends and family are telling me that I'm wrong and act like I can't help a friend out in her time of need and I should be ashamed of myself.
At first I thought I was not in the wrong to refuse to help my friend but after being told that I do feel a little bit guilty for not doing all I can to help her and want advice from you guys on how I should've have went about the situation.
If you just got through all of this thank you for reading this long post as it was a struggle to type.
Yes its called time management. In Nursing specially at the hospital what will you do if a patient not someone you know needs your help as you walk past the room to go home.
Pt was not yours. Morning shift is there. You have an appt or kids to get to school.
Will you walk pass the blinking light and a pt calling you come? Fyi its never 5 min . You go expect a 45 min or less.
what will you do?
An RN that is not self consumed or selfish will enter the room to make sure its not an emergency then get someone else to help or the Nurse will just do it. Pt wants to go to bathroom, walks slow, etc
life is full of situations that are unexpected and not planned.
You stated i showed her how to study smartly??
have you considered that maybe what she needs is just to take an hr. ReAd the notes to her slowly as she reads with you. Ask her did you understand that and do that every 2 to 3 sentences.
Honestly, yes you have to study but if your work ethics reflects your current actions please do some soul searching. Nursing specially on the floor is about being a team. Those that decide to be loners make the floor a nightmare and horrible for all. The word is Team.
If you arent married, nor have kids please make time for someone you call your friend. Right now you turned your back on a person with a disability. You are in school. Learn to help all types of people. The world outside school is composed of some people who know absolutely nothing in terms of medicine. Some are so elderly they cant hear yet you the RN need to do your duty and teach the patient what they need before discharge. Also the deaf, non-English speaking, all ages.
Please review and think hard of your actions. You are becoming an RN. Yes u need boundaries but that doesnt mean ignore.
If you feel you are to busy to help your friend have you at least asked someone that may say yes, called disability office, asked anyone to see if u can at least find her options.
doing nothing and ignoring someone that asks for your help is not what an RN was supposed be like.
take care
The OP has NO ethical, legal, or moral responsibility to make sure her friend gets through undergrad and into PT school. She is not this person's parent or guardian.
This friend is a lucid adult who is supposedly studying to be a healthcare provider, a professional. She is not a patient with whom the OP has a professional nursing relationship. The OP is not at work. The OP is not in a therapeutic relationship with the friend; she's in a friendship. There's a difference between personal relationships and professional relationships, and there are different responsibilities for each.
IMO, it would be really invasive to the friend's privacy to call around, look for disability resources for the friend. That's not what the friend wants; the friend wanted the OP to get her through biology. Read: the friend wanted the OP to be responsible for her passing her classes and to spoon-feed her everything. There's a big, big difference.
Even in nursing relationships, we encourage patients to pursue self-reliance and autonomy. The OP offered her study tips, which was kind, but she's not responsible for learning the course material and then line-by-line tutoring her friend (really???). The friend has to pass undergrad and grad school on her own. It's not the OP's responsibility to make sure that happens.
OP-your friend is taking a course you have not taken but expects you to drop everything and give her free tutoring? Some friendship.
For those family members and friends who think you should neglect your studies and help her--let them help her. Most colleges offer help or tutoring by people who actually know something about the course.
I say tell the friend to contact someone who can really help her. In the meantime, just because she wants to be a PT doesn't mean she will. You are not making her fail. She's doing a good job of that on her own. If she continues to bug you, block her calls and ignore her texts.
Friendships change when you become an adult and sometimes you no longer have common goals or interests. You are an adult so do not feel bad about saying no to things you don't want to do.
Yes its called time management. In Nursing specially at the hospital what will you do if a patient not someone you know needs your help as you walk past the room to go home.
Pt was not yours. Morning shift is there. You have an appt or kids to get to school.
Will you walk pass the blinking light and a pt calling you come? Fyi its never 5 min . You go expect a 45 min or less.
what will you do?
An RN that is not self consumed or selfish will enter the room to make sure its not an emergency then get someone else to help or the Nurse will just do it. Pt wants to go to bathroom, walks slow, etc
life is full of situations that are unexpected and not planned.
You stated i showed her how to study smartly??
have you considered that maybe what she needs is just to take an hr. ReAd the notes to her slowly as she reads with you. Ask her did you understand that and do that every 2 to 3 sentences.
Honestly, yes you have to study but if your work ethics reflects your current actions please do some soul searching. Nursing specially on the floor is about being a team. Those that decide to be loners make the floor a nightmare and horrible for all. The word is Team.
If you arent married, nor have kids please make time for someone you call your friend. Right now you turned your back on a person with a disability. You are in school. Learn to help all types of people. The world outside school is composed of some people who know absolutely nothing in terms of medicine. Some are so elderly they cant hear yet you the RN need to do your duty and teach the patient what they need before discharge. Also the deaf, non-English speaking, all ages.
Please review and think hard of your actions. You are becoming an RN. Yes u need boundaries but that doesnt mean ignore.
If you feel you are to busy to help your friend have you at least asked someone that may say yes, called disability office, asked anyone to see if u can at least find her options.
doing nothing and ignoring someone that asks for your help is not what an RN was supposed be like.
take care
I understand and see I stated before I wish that I was able to do more for her but I put my own problem's before hers.
So, your friend expected you rescue her at the 11th hour? Finals week is not the time to make up for a semester's worth of poor studying. Frankly, I doubt you could have "saved her," even if you dedicated your entire finals week to the task (which would have been ill-advised). She isn't going to learn in a day or two what she has failed to learn all semester.
OP, your friend and her cheerleaders in your family and friends can't expect you to get her through school. What are you going to do? Hold her hand through all of undergrad? Take her courses in PT school? Are you going to be with her every day in her PT practice, making sure she treats patients correctly? Sorry, but she's got to stand or fall on her own two feet.
If she thinks she has ADD, she should get evaluated; she isn't qualified to self-diagnose. But don't let her use that to make you feel guilty for not rescuing her during finals.
My friends and family in question do not understand that Microbiology and Intro to Biology are two different topics and courses. But they see "biology" as biology and if I'm getting an A in it than that means I can help my friend get an A as well which is not the case at all. I explain this to them but they still give me this doubtful look like I still could've helped her somehow and someway which makes me feel even more guilty even though I know I did nothing wrong.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I understand and see I stated before I wish that I was able to do more for her but I put my own problem's before hers.
Don't listen to that poster. She is clearly ignorant of your point. It is ok that you put your life before her's. She's an adult who needs to learn how to take care of herself. She can't expect you, or anyone, to be there to hold her hand through school/life.
Even as a nurse there will be times when you will have to tell your patient's no or tell them what they don't want to hear so you can foster independence & have the patient get better.
But you aren't even working as a nurse & there will always be toxic people in your life. When you see that you will need to be able to cut them off. I stopped talking to my ex-best friend because she was toxic. My life is much better off without her!
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
My friends and family in question do not understand that Microbiology and Intro to Biology are two different topics and courses. But they see "biology" as biology and if I'm getting an A in it than that means I can help my friend get an A as well which is not the case at all. I explain this to them but they still give me this doubtful look like I still could've helped her somehow and someway which makes me feel even more guilty even though I know I did nothing wrong.
Well why didn't THEY help her? Don't feel guilty. She was on academic probation TWICE before! If she can't get her **** together, there's no hope for her. Leave that guilt for someone else. The next time a friend or family member questions you & tries to make them feel guilty, tell them THEY should help her (if there is a) next time.
You should help her if it won't come at your expense. It sounds like you can't do that though. She needs to get a study group of people in the same class. Her grades are ultimately on her. If she doesn't learn that now she never will.
While there is a side of me that thinks you should help her, your last sentence gives me the impression that you are tired or stressed yourself. Perhaps you can point her in the direction of a tutor that can help her. I would try to talk with her and present her with that information and maybe explain to her that you can't. I have made some assumptions, but your last sentence, besides her problem is chronic and needs more than help from a friend. It sounds like she needs to master some basics such Biology, study skills, possibly asking herself if nursing is a proper fit or if she really wants it. While every relationship is different my friends don't really like it when I tell them what to do even if I have the best intentions. I wish you the best.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
While there is a side of me that thinks you should help her, your last sentence gives me the impression that you are tired or stressed yourself. Perhaps you can point her in the direction of a tutor that can help her. I would try to talk with her and present her with that information and maybe explain to her that you can't. I have made some assumptions, but your last sentence, besides her problem is chronic and needs more than help from a friend. It sounds like she needs to master some basics such Biology, study skills, possibly asking herself if nursing is a proper fit or if she really wants it. While every relationship is different my friends don't really like it when I tell them what to do even if I have the best intentions. I wish you the best.
The OP's friend wants to go into PT, not nursing. Also the OP did try to help her friend but she didn't take any advice.
I don't think you can help your friend. Two academic issues already tells me she either just doesn't get it or chooses not to put her studies first. You are traveling a difficult journey yourself. Would your friends and family be happier if you helped and it caused you to fail? I know when I went through nursing school I didn't feel like I had time for anything other than schoolwork and my immediate family. I hardly had time for friends who required me to pass their totally different classes.
Don't be an enabler due to imposed guilt by other people. Your friend is not a real friend. She's gonna blame you either way. Don't help her-it's your fault she fails. Help her and she fails, you didn't help her enough. Cut her loose.
Don't be an enabler due to imposed guilt by other people. Your friend is not a real friend. She's gonna blame you either way. Don't help her-it's your fault she fails. Help her and she fails, you didn't help her enough. Cut her loose.
Yes, so far she hasn't blamed me for her failing and she hadn't responded to my calls or texts since that day so I can only assume she is either mad at me or the situation.
Raven Sierra, BSN, RN
187 Posts
The OP has NO ethical, legal, or moral responsibility to make sure her friend gets through undergrad and into PT school. She is not this person's parent or guardian.
This friend is a lucid adult who is supposedly studying to be a healthcare provider, a professional. She is not a patient with whom the OP has a professional nursing relationship. The OP is not at work. The OP is not in a therapeutic relationship with the friend; she's in a friendship. There's a difference between personal relationships and professional relationships, and there are different responsibilities for each.
IMO, it would be really invasive to the friend's privacy to call around, look for disability resources for the friend. That's not what the friend wants; the friend wanted the OP to get her through biology. Read: the friend wanted the OP to be responsible for her passing her classes and to spoon-feed her everything. There's a big, big difference.
Even in nursing relationships, we encourage patients to pursue self-reliance and autonomy. The OP offered her study tips, which was kind, but she's not responsible for learning the course material and then line-by-line tutoring her friend (really???). The friend has to pass undergrad and grad school on her own. It's not the OP's responsibility to make sure that happens.