My best friend of 10 years is having a difficult time in school where she was put on academic probation twice and received a 1.9 for her first semester of college and a 2.0 for her second semester (she believes she has ADD). So she is taking classes this summer to get back caught up with school in general.
However, she is failing her Bio 101 class and expexts me to help get her an A overnight because she thinks I know everything and don't need to study to get an A in any class I take. Yet, we are taking two different classes as I'm taking Microbiology and never once took Bio 101 as a college course.
So I wouldn't even know where to begin to help her study as I don't have a clue what she's learning. And yet she tries to make me drop everything I'm doing (my own studying time included) to come help her study.
For instance, like today she called me up telling me to come over and help her study for finals because she is not understanding the material and I told her I can't because I just got off of work and needed to study for my own finals. Then she blatantly said that I'm going to pull an A regardless since nursing is an easy major to have and get into unlike her major (physical therapy) which is harder and requires better grades. (Though I don't fault her for saying this since she doesn't know much about nursing at all).
Or when I told her that I'm meeting up with a study group from my class tomorrow for finals she got mad at me and claimed that I didn't care about her struggles and I should help her. Even though I did show and tell her how to study smartly but she completely disregarded it and wants me to give her answers and explain her class material to her that I refused to do. (And even as I type this she is texting me to forgo my study group tomorrow to come help her).
And now my friends and family are telling me that I'm wrong and act like I can't help a friend out in her time of need and I should be ashamed of myself.
At first I thought I was not in the wrong to refuse to help my friend but after being told that I do feel a little bit guilty for not doing all I can to help her and want advice from you guys on how I should've have went about the situation.
If you just got through all of this thank you for reading this long post as it was a struggle to type.
I was diagnosed as having ADD a little late in life but I managed to pass my lpn program, a bachelors(Without even knowing I had ADD) and always made the top grades in most of my classes. IF anything ADD made me a GREAT test taker(limited time? Yes, my ADD is an asset. I actually perform better on tests than homework!) and so/so at things like research papers because I had to sit my self down and not get distracted. She is using her ADD as an excuse. Many people with ADD have no trouble learning and are very intelligent. THey just have problems with procrastination, time management, etc. It isn't a learning disability in my opinion. Just have to navigate and find how to manage it. I am now in a masters program with almost zero help from anyone. I just had to learn a little bit of time management and use resources I know are best for my learning style. Tell her to set a clock(i use the pomodoro method, you can look it up) and tell her if she has ADD another ADD person recommends this method for studying. Ignore the Unicorn: Pomodoro for Those with A.D.D. -The Pomodoro Technique® Don't let your friend use you. You have your own grades to worry about. Rankles me when undiagnosed people use ADD as an excuse for bad grades....Most ADD people I know, including myself (humble brag) are extremely smart. We just have to stay on task. You don't become an LPN working part-time as a weightlifting coach with a bachelors in history, and pursuing a masters in Statistics without having a bit of ADD! It actually has helped me not get stuck in a box and pursue different avenues. THen again without ADD perhaps I'd be a bit more financially stable since I could have stuck with one thing and not wanted to dabble in many things.
Tell your friend to register at disabilities office but go with her. She may feel stupi and dumb. Also she may feel like a failure and wortless.
In order to register at the disabilities office, a person must have documentation of a diagnosed disability. IIRC, the OP's friend has not been diagnosed with anything.
Not everyone is college level material. A big mistake of our current educational system is pushing university education as the be all, end all.
First of all, there are a lot of people racking up student debt who are either incapable, spending too much time partying, or are an immature product of a society that does a poor job raising responsible adults.
Secondly, there are tons of young people getting worthless degrees. A friend of my daughter started out as a music major because she likes to sing and wanted to be a star. Then she got suspended from school for shoplifting hard liquor from Walmart. Last we heard she wants to go back and major in wine tasting because "I have a passion for wine!" Thankfully, she and my daughter had a falling out!
There are other avenues towards good careers. Technical colleges come to mind. One son of mine became an HVAC technician and has had steady work since.
Tell her to set a clock(i use the pomodoro method, you can look it up) and tell her if she has ADD another ADD person recommends this method for studying. Ignore the Unicorn: Pomodoro for Those with A.D.D. -The Pomodoro Technique®
Omg, I just looked this up and its very similar to the same technique I've been using for years to take care of the house as well as school work and home projects. I find it extremely effective when I need to buckle down and get a good chunk of work done. I discovered a woman years ago called The Fly Lady, and her biggest motto is "you can do anything for 15 minutes." It's all about not feeling overwhelmed and helping to stay on task for at least some decent length of time. Set the timer, work til it goes off, take a break, start again. I often find that once I get started, I get over that hump that had me distracted at the start, so I just reset the timer and just continue working, allowing myself a break when I need one.
I was diagnosed as having ADD a little late in life but I managed to pass my lpn program, a bachelors(Without even knowing I had ADD) and always made the top grades in most of my classes. IF anything ADD made me a GREAT test taker(limited time? Yes, my ADD is an asset. I actually perform better on tests than homework!) and so/so at things like research papers because I had to sit my self down and not get distracted. She is using her ADD as an excuse. Many people with ADD have no trouble learning and are very intelligent. THey just have problems with procrastination, time management, etc. It isn't a learning disability in my opinion.
It's not an excuse to ask other people to carry them, but people don't get to choose what symptoms their mental illness creates. It's like saying your car works just fine so you don't understand why somebody else's broke down.
Yes, so far she hasn't blamed me for her failing and she hadn't responded to my calls or texts since that day so I can only assume she is either mad at me or the situation.
This is a good thing actually. You see what kind of "friend" she really is. She's a manipulator and she didn't get her way.
The family and friends who think you should have helped her well you'll have to let those comments go in one ear and out the other. Easier said than done but you don't need that negativity.
Since she isn't responding to your calls and texts now would be a perfect time to let the friendship run its course. You did all you could do (too much imo) it's her life to live so let her live it and you live yours. The older I've become the less poop I can tolerate. This is a good lesson on how not to let people manipulate you. She wasn't a true friend to begin with.
Enjoy your break from school with less drama in your life! Good luck to you.
Ha I would not be helping her. Friends are suppose to motivate you and support you; NOT drag you down with them to sink. I refuse to have a friend like that. I have older friends now because people my age are not as determined as me to get an education. I finish up my LPN program in a few days and it has been a challenging year. She will not make it to be a PT with those kinds of grades and her attitude. She needs to grow up and I feel you need to take a break from her. That is not a true friend IMHO. Nursing school is no joke and you have to be focused.
I have made some older friends as well thoughtout my college year and I can say for the fact that they are very motivated in what they want and they take school very seriously. I like to have these type of friends because it alsi helps me to stay focus throughout school and motivates me to continue my journey of becoming a nurse no matter how long it takes.
Yes, and like others have stated, I probably let the relationship go on long as it has with my friend probably because I was never pretty as her so I relied more on my brain than looks and it made me feel useful to know that others could rely on it as well. But it wasn't until college that I realize that I am worth more than my brain and I would actually like to hang out my friend and talk about something else than her next speech paper she has to write!
This is a good thing actually. You see what kind of "friend" she really is. She's a manipulator and she didn't get her way.
The family and friends who think you should have helped her well you'll have to let those comments go in one ear and out the other. Easier said than done but you don't need that negativity.
Since she isn't responding to your calls and texts now would be a perfect time to let the friendship run its course. You did all you could do (too much imo) it's her life to live so let her live it and you live yours. The older I've become the less poop I can tolerate. This is a good lesson on how not to let people manipulate you. She wasn't a true friend to begin with.
Enjoy your break from school with less drama in your life! Good luck to you.
Since I last posted that response, she now just texted me this morning saying, "What should I do my persuasive speech on".
historylovinglpn
69 Posts
I was diagnosed as having ADD a little late in life but I managed to pass my lpn program, a bachelors(Without even knowing I had ADD) and always made the top grades in most of my classes. IF anything ADD made me a GREAT test taker(limited time? Yes, my ADD is an asset. I actually perform better on tests than homework!) and so/so at things like research papers because I had to sit my self down and not get distracted. She is using her ADD as an excuse. Many people with ADD have no trouble learning and are very intelligent. THey just have problems with procrastination, time management, etc. It isn't a learning disability in my opinion. Just have to navigate and find how to manage it. I am now in a masters program with almost zero help from anyone. I just had to learn a little bit of time management and use resources I know are best for my learning style. Tell her to set a clock(i use the pomodoro method, you can look it up) and tell her if she has ADD another ADD person recommends this method for studying. Ignore the Unicorn: Pomodoro for Those with A.D.D. -The Pomodoro Technique® Don't let your friend use you. You have your own grades to worry about. Rankles me when undiagnosed people use ADD as an excuse for bad grades....Most ADD people I know, including myself (humble brag) are extremely smart. We just have to stay on task. You don't become an LPN working part-time as a weightlifting coach with a bachelors in history, and pursuing a masters in Statistics without having a bit of ADD! It actually has helped me not get stuck in a box and pursue different avenues. THen again without ADD perhaps I'd be a bit more financially stable since I could have stuck with one thing and not wanted to dabble in many things.