My best friend of 10 years is having a difficult time in school where she was put on academic probation twice and received a 1.9 for her first semester of college and a 2.0 for her second semester (she believes she has ADD). So she is taking classes this summer to get back caught up with school in general.
However, she is failing her Bio 101 class and expexts me to help get her an A overnight because she thinks I know everything and don't need to study to get an A in any class I take. Yet, we are taking two different classes as I'm taking Microbiology and never once took Bio 101 as a college course.
So I wouldn't even know where to begin to help her study as I don't have a clue what she's learning. And yet she tries to make me drop everything I'm doing (my own studying time included) to come help her study.
For instance, like today she called me up telling me to come over and help her study for finals because she is not understanding the material and I told her I can't because I just got off of work and needed to study for my own finals. Then she blatantly said that I'm going to pull an A regardless since nursing is an easy major to have and get into unlike her major (physical therapy) which is harder and requires better grades. (Though I don't fault her for saying this since she doesn't know much about nursing at all).
Or when I told her that I'm meeting up with a study group from my class tomorrow for finals she got mad at me and claimed that I didn't care about her struggles and I should help her. Even though I did show and tell her how to study smartly but she completely disregarded it and wants me to give her answers and explain her class material to her that I refused to do. (And even as I type this she is texting me to forgo my study group tomorrow to come help her).
And now my friends and family are telling me that I'm wrong and act like I can't help a friend out in her time of need and I should be ashamed of myself.
At first I thought I was not in the wrong to refuse to help my friend but after being told that I do feel a little bit guilty for not doing all I can to help her and want advice from you guys on how I should've have went about the situation.
If you just got through all of this thank you for reading this long post as it was a struggle to type.
Oh my word... No. No you are not wrong. She is though. If you're not in the same class then showing her how to study effectively is all you can do, and if she chooses not to apply it that's her problem. It sounds to me like she just wants somebody to do all the work for her. I can't believe anybody would tell you to do more than you already are. You have to take care of yourself and she should be taking care of herself and not expecting others to do it. I've been told that nursing is not hard by someone I care about and I was extremely upset, I don't know how you have kept calm over her remarks. If I were in your shoes and someone was acting like that, it would only push me away and make me NOT want to help them, and I'm pretty sure that's how the majority would feel. Don't let people guilt you into sacrificing your own academic success (not to mention your sanity!) to appease someone who doesn't seem to appreciate anything anyway.
Your friend is well on her way to flunking out of school and even if you were to dedicate yourself to helping her, you can't prevent that from happening.
Prioritize your studies above all things and be a real friend to support her emotionally after the inevitable crash.
If she 'unfriends' you because of it, she was never a real friend to begin with. Her behavior suggests she's not a true friend as I define friends. (Which definition may be why I have only a couple of friends... which suits me fine.)
If she 'unfriends' you because of it, she was never a real friend to begin with. Her behavior suggests she's not a true friend as I define friends. (Which definition may be why I have only a couple of friends... which suits me fine.)
You are absolutely right and I'm going to give her another chance but if her behavior doesn't change soon than I will have other choice but to just move on with my life. School is my first priority and that's what it will continue to be. I have no regrets.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
You are absolutely right and I'm going to give her another chance but if her behavior doesn't change soon than I will have other choice but to just move on with my life. School is my first priority and that's what it will continue to be. I have no regrets.
You are much nicer than me. I would've cut her out of my life already.
Sounds bogus. I wonder why she thinks you can help her with her major since it is totally different than yours. There is nothing easy about nursing studies believe me as one person who lugged my books around with me everywhere I went even on vacation but nursing is not physical therapy and that is just why she shouldn't expect you to cater to her needs. She may be in over her head and should consider being a physical therapy assistant. It still requires a degree but not as intense. Or maybe she is in the wrong field altogether. I would advise her to go to back to the administration for some advise on the profession she is best suited for.
I feel for you! I've been there. One sided relationships are so frustrating. I don't think that this is something that will just go away.
Personally, I would think long and hard before cutting your friend of 10 years off. Is there an alternate solution? Could you speak to her candidly and be upfront with her? You could tell her that you want to be her friend, not her tutor. Lay that boundary down- tell her that you're not in high school anymore and that your classes are hard -that you're struggling too (even if your struggle in not that same as her's, it's still just as valid). Tell her that you don't want the relationship to end, but that you feel used and taken for granted. All-in-all, your friend needs to make her grades her priority, not yours! If her grades are her priority she'll make it work- maybe she could budget her money better and cut her hours down at work and seek out help from where it is offered. Family and other friends need to stay out of it- especially if they don't know the difference between Bio 101 and Micro. All you need to say to the peanut gallery is that she had been offered the best help her university has to offer (for free!) and refuses to make it work- thus pinning her failure on you, making you her scapegoat.
Above all else please don't jeopardize your future! You're going to make a great nurse one day, keep up the hard work and stay focused on your path. A big part of nursing is about setting priorities and boundaries! I'll leave you with one of my favorite sayings, "you can't help someone who won't help his/herself."
I graduated college with honors and would not attempt to help someone in a subject that I was not familiar with. Also, if we even had a class together I might would give them some pointers on what has helped me pass a class, but I would not do their work or per-say partner up with them. When you study with someone that is not at your academic level it actually hurts your GPA, now granted once you pass the class and want to offer some tutoring on the side that is fine, but your main focus should be passing in your own classes.
When you study with people at your academic level it can potentially help it, but definitely won't hurt it. Your able to go more in-depth in the material and not having to cover the basics with said person or persons.
I remember one class where me and another guy was in had the highest grades in the class, and a guy setting by us was struggling. The professor asked us if we would help him and we agreed. We tried to help him and did slightly, but it was very frustrating having to reinforce even the basics of the course over and over. It almost felt like we were lowering our IQ's by doing it. So after that I wouldn't try to help someone unless it was something simple or they were actually doing well in said courses and just wanted a pointer or two, or my input on something.
Some may consider me a A-Hole but my academic career when in school is my priority! Because, no one else can do it for me, and one bad overall course grade can seriously effect your GPA.
Bio 101 and Micro are worlds apart. You can't be expected to help someone study for a class you've never taken, thats insane. Your friend is being passive aggressive and possessive. You need to create some distance and make your boundaries clear.
This is sounding like it could be or become what they call a toxic friendship, think long and hard about whether or not you want to keep this person in your life. It's hard, but sometimes the healthiest thing to do is part ways.
Maybe it wont come to that though, and I hope it doesn't.
Sounds like you're not the bad friend here..... *she* is.
Asking you to jeopardize your own success to help her, guilt-tripping you into skipping your obligations, insulting your program as being easier than hers.....
No. No. No.
You are so thoughtful to be so considerate of her feelings and needs when she is obviously oblivious to yours.
It sounds like this person is inevitably going to fail and instead of buckling down and putting the actual work in, she is looking for someone to blame for her failure. I didn't read all of the responses to this post, so much of this already may have been said, but I felt the need to comment that you seem like a really sweet person with a heart of gold. That will come in handy for your nursing career!
I'm sure that your friend is probably egging your family on a little bit and that's partly why they're giving you so much crap about it.
Pictures that you shouldn't have to put yourself laugh just to get her first, I'm sorry but nursing requires a lot more science and a lot more critical thinking skills Than Physical Therapy does typically. You also shouldn't be expected to coach her and somehow get her straight A's when she has no interest in actually putting in the effort herself.
College of serious everyone needs to take it seriously and well your friends, parents and everything might I think that you're blowing her off, putting yourself and your education that you're probably paying for first is not blowing her off.
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Oh my word... No. No you are not wrong. She is though. If you're not in the same class then showing her how to study effectively is all you can do, and if she chooses not to apply it that's her problem. It sounds to me like she just wants somebody to do all the work for her. I can't believe anybody would tell you to do more than you already are. You have to take care of yourself and she should be taking care of herself and not expecting others to do it. I've been told that nursing is not hard by someone I care about and I was extremely upset, I don't know how you have kept calm over her remarks. If I were in your shoes and someone was acting like that, it would only push me away and make me NOT want to help them, and I'm pretty sure that's how the majority would feel. Don't let people guilt you into sacrificing your own academic success (not to mention your sanity!) to appease someone who doesn't seem to appreciate anything anyway.