My best friend of 10 years is having a difficult time in school where she was put on academic probation twice and received a 1.9 for her first semester of college and a 2.0 for her second semester (she believes she has ADD). So she is taking classes this summer to get back caught up with school in general.
However, she is failing her Bio 101 class and expexts me to help get her an A overnight because she thinks I know everything and don't need to study to get an A in any class I take. Yet, we are taking two different classes as I'm taking Microbiology and never once took Bio 101 as a college course.
So I wouldn't even know where to begin to help her study as I don't have a clue what she's learning. And yet she tries to make me drop everything I'm doing (my own studying time included) to come help her study.
For instance, like today she called me up telling me to come over and help her study for finals because she is not understanding the material and I told her I can't because I just got off of work and needed to study for my own finals. Then she blatantly said that I'm going to pull an A regardless since nursing is an easy major to have and get into unlike her major (physical therapy) which is harder and requires better grades. (Though I don't fault her for saying this since she doesn't know much about nursing at all).
Or when I told her that I'm meeting up with a study group from my class tomorrow for finals she got mad at me and claimed that I didn't care about her struggles and I should help her. Even though I did show and tell her how to study smartly but she completely disregarded it and wants me to give her answers and explain her class material to her that I refused to do. (And even as I type this she is texting me to forgo my study group tomorrow to come help her).
And now my friends and family are telling me that I'm wrong and act like I can't help a friend out in her time of need and I should be ashamed of myself.
At first I thought I was not in the wrong to refuse to help my friend but after being told that I do feel a little bit guilty for not doing all I can to help her and want advice from you guys on how I should've have went about the situation.
If you just got through all of this thank you for reading this long post as it was a struggle to type.
You are not responsible to help with her academic success. She has been on academic probation more than once and it sounds like she still isn't taking school serious. She needs to talk to her academic advisor and make sure that she has picked the right major for herself. Its NOT your responsibility to get her degree for her. She wants you to just give her the answers so she doesn't have to put the work in herself. That's not fair to you or your success. Most colleges have a FREE tutoring center on campus and she needs to see if they can help her. Nursing is hard within itself so you need to focus on your own success. You're doing what you need to do in order to be successful (studying, attending study groups, and etc.) so either she can follow suite or she just has to deal with the consequences of your lack of willingness.
I agree with everyone that has posted! Your 1st (& really only) responsibility is to yourself.
To alleviate your guilt- imagine the situation in reverse- if you were having difficulty with a class - during finals, no less- would she drop everything to come help you? Probably not.
It sounds like y'all have developed this pattern over years and it's time to break it before your work suffers. You need the best GPA you can get to be accepted into a nursing program & you'll be kicking yourself when time comes to apply if you let your grades slide now.
If you've given her tips on studying that she's not taken, that's on her. If there was help available to her earlier in semester she didn't make use of, that's on her. It sounds like she wants you to do it for her- not just help.
And be prepared, she will blame you if she makes bad grades/doesn't pass. If she's not taking responsibility for studying/learning material- then the result certainly can't be her fault, right?
And shame on your family for making you feel one ounce of guilt for taking care of your own future!! Are your parents helping with tuition? You might want to mention how irresponsible it would be to waste their money not doing as well in your classes just to help your friend!
Thank you @ Tricia J for giving me options to help her. I just told her that I will meet up with her early in the morning tomorrow before my study group and I'm hoping that I can help her without having to learn the material for her as I have a final tomorrow as well and don't want to confuse myself.
No, no, no! Use your extra time to sleep before study group. You aren't a free tutor or a charity or her mother. If I am waking up early to tutor ANYONE, my rate of pay is $30/hr.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I had an instructor actually tell me to stop helping a friend when my grades started suffering while helping a her while she was drowning. She was sinking me.
I felt badly but took her advice. This person was in no way, shape or form meant to be a nurse and could not succeed, even WITH my help. Lesson learned.
You have to take care of yourself. You can be her friend, but you have to set boundaries where your studies are concerned. I wish you well.
Nope, nope, and nope. There is a saying "Your lack of preparation should not be my emergency" and I never really understood it until I met a friend in nursing school who is such a slacker. She is great to hang out with outside of school but as far as academics go, she never prepares, always forgets supplies/important papers, runs late to class/clinical almost every week, and her only study method is to cram the night before a test. I can't tell you how many times she has had to borrow my stethescope in clinical, no matter how many times I tell her PACK YOUR BAG THE NIGHT BEFORE WOMAN! I help her when I can, but I stopped doing late night-before-the-test study sessions with her because it was literally just me feeding information to her. I value my 8 hrs. of sleep way too much to be doing that, which is why I use my time wisely and spread my studying over the week before a test. I can't even sit next to her in class anymore because all she does is text and browse on her phone during our two hours of lecture and then ask people around her last minute questions when our professor hands out a quiz at the end, and then I'll get the inevitable text asking what our homework or online work is for next class when our prof repeated it three times. Do not feel bad about not helping her. It would be one thing to refuse to study with her altogether ever, but not doing it finals week when you have your own classes to study for is not selfish of you.
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
I think you have more than set appropriate boundaries. Your friend is manipulative.
Don't let others guilt you into not acting in your best interests. You have done enough and more than met your friend half way. Now its her turn to do what she needs to do for herself.
I did PT before nursing. Graduated with 4.0 gpa. Graduated from nursing with 3.8. They are both very challenging programs and it is sad that she apparently has no respect for what your program entails. Did you help her get through high school?
You are both very young and as you both mature you may decide that being a close friend of hers is not worth it, esp if the relationship is all about meeting her needs and not considering yours.
Yes, I used to always help write her essays for her in high school! But she had a 3.8 GPA while in HS and I had had a 2.9 so I think the environment just changed for her. Because I'm not a 4.0 student in college.
"...nursing is an easy major to have and get into"
Uh yeah, right. And as far as you helping her ... it reminds me of this: when I was a programmer, in my first job we did 3 progressively-harder practice programs before we started doing any real work. One guy was caught cheating on one of the practice programs, and my immediate thought was that if you can't do the practice programs, how are you going to do the REAL stuff when you're on your own?
No, no, no! Use your extra time to sleep before study group. You aren't a free tutor or a charity or her mother. If I am waking up early to tutor ANYONE, my rate of pay is $30/hr.
Yeah I admit I couldn't get up like I promised her and sorta sent her off today accidently.
FutureNurseGoodwin
82 Posts
You are not responsible to help with her academic success. She has been on academic probation more than once and it sounds like she still isn't taking school serious. She needs to talk to her academic advisor and make sure that she has picked the right major for herself. Its NOT your responsibility to get her degree for her. She wants you to just give her the answers so she doesn't have to put the work in herself. That's not fair to you or your success. Most colleges have a FREE tutoring center on campus and she needs to see if they can help her. Nursing is hard within itself so you need to focus on your own success. You're doing what you need to do in order to be successful (studying, attending study groups, and etc.) so either she can follow suite or she just has to deal with the consequences of your lack of willingness.