Affairs between staff members spouses

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Jul 20, 2010

Back away, just a step or two. Be an empathetic friend, but don't ostracize nurse 2. You need to work with both of them, and you'll never know what happened behind the scenes.

healthstar, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2010

What a small world. This is heartbreaking, and I feel so sorry for nurse 1 and the other nurses husband. Some people are just so so so low. I understand when relationships and marriages don't work out and you have done everything you could to to fix it. There is nothing else but divorce, and I am okay with that. I just find it stupid( for a lack of a better word) to take someone's husband or worse friend's husband. I can't stand these kind of people. I would never never do such a thing to destroy a family. But you know what, it's okay maybe her life holds a better future ( nurse 1).......there are always rewards and punishments in this world. I believe in karma.

lifelearningrn, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2010

No f'in way I'd go anywhere near nurse 2 if I were nurse 1. Her actions are morally bankrupt and HR should know so of a positions opens up somewhere else one of them can be moved. Nurse 2 deserves to be ostrisized IMHO. It adds insult to injury that she stay working with the betrayed wife.

dorisc1981 · Jul 20, 2010

Some people think with their groin instead of their head, also despite marriage some people are more compatible than others. It is very awkward to work there but the enviroment will ease up with time. I will not take sides as in there are two sides to every story, they were/are two of your favorite co-workers. Nurse 1 should have nothing to be ashamed about and time will heal her. Like others said ---Karma will take care of it.

SitcomNurse, BSN, MSN, EdD, RN · Jul 20, 2010

I can see your turmoil. Its hard to be there for someone in a situation you have never ecperienced before. But that is what we all do at some point.

Just be there for your friend, and offer an ear as needed. Dont make suggestions, dont fuel the fire, dont berate any one thing or another. In a similar situation, my friend's husb left for her neighbor(moved around the block) and then moved back. I was neutral to it then, im neutral now. No blame, no finger pointing. Sure, internally I took sides. Externally, I let it ride. Its not my marriage and I dont know what happens behind closed doors. You may at some point find yourself defending #1 against accusations, true or not. You need to say to the gossips: No Answer, and grow up.

Be there, make suggestions for self improvement, (individual counseling etc.) but dont by any means trash talk. It only builds up anger and resentment. Good luck, and learn from this mistake of others, to try and avoid it yourself!

Leelee2 · Jul 20, 2010

I sympathize with Nurse #1's situation. In my opinion though, going to work everyday seeing nurse #2 is a toxic environment for Nurse #1. Stressful, and hurtful, i would think. I think it is time #1 searches for a new position elsewhere. Nurse #2's actions will invoke her own natural consequences in time...including being ostracized in this workplace due to her actions. My advice is to be there for Nurse #1, she needs a good friend/co-worker to stick by through this difficult time. What a tough situation to be in for you also...

caliotter3 · Jul 20, 2010

We had a similar situation. When it affected operations in the workplace, the supervising nurses dealt with it. Unfortunately, they only dealt with one of the persons and not both, when in fact the actions of both were negatively affecting the workplace. Best to stick to job matters and insure that this "issue" does not affect work. You never know who the supervisors will choose to deal with when it comes to work problems, so try to distance yourself from the mess.

rocki718 · Jul 20, 2010

stay out of it. If nurse 1 wants to stay there and face her problem daily with nurse 2 then that's on her. You don't need anyone putting there personal problems on you especially in the workplace.

leslie :-D · Jul 20, 2010

We had a similar situation. When it affected operations in the workplace, the supervising nurses dealt with it. Unfortunately, they only dealt with one of the persons and not both, when in fact the actions of both were negatively affecting the workplace. Best to stick to job matters and insure that this "issue" does not affect work. You never know who the supervisors will choose to deal with when it comes to work problems, so try to distance yourself from the mess.

this is exactly how i feel.

that if the tension in the workplace continues to escalate, it'll inevitably affect someone or something...

to the detriment of one of the nurses.

i'm hoping one of the nurses will opt to work elsewhere, but if not, one of the higher-ups will intervene, i'm sure.

in the meantime, be supportive from a distance.

don't get involved with their chaos, remain neutral to extent possible.

leslie

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jul 20, 2010

i'm sure we don't know all the facts. even if we did know all the facts, we wouldn't know "the whole story" because feelings are involved as well as facts. i have to say, though, that the husband-stealing hussy should do the classy thing and leave. being as how she's low class enough to not only sleep with but steal a "friend's" husband, i would say she probably doesn't have enough class to do so. no way, however, should nurse #1 be forced out of her job by this morally bankrupt moron.

i'd think a case could be made for hostile work environment, and nurse #2 could be encouraged to look for a new job. no, you probably cannot outright fire her. but if i were management and knew this story to be true, i'd sure make the job unpleasant enough for the homewrecker that she'd be looking for greener pastures post haste. deny vacations, mandatory overtime, call her and ask her to work two hours before the start of every shift that she's off then cancel her if you don't really need the help, schedule her to work the worst shifts, consistently give her the worst assignments, nit pick her charting, etc. write up every little infraction of every little rule. my guess is she'd be out of there in a hurry.

healthstar, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2010

i'm sure we don't know all the facts. even if we did know all the facts, we wouldn't know "the whole story" because feelings are involved as well as facts. i have to say, though, that the husband-stealing hussy should do the classy thing and leave. being as how she's low class enough to not only sleep with but steal a "friend's" husband, i would say she probably doesn't have enough class to do so. no way, however, should nurse #1 be forced out of her job by this morally bankrupt moron.
i'd think a case could be made for hostile work environment, and nurse #2 could be encouraged to look for a new job. no, you probably cannot outright fire her. but if i were management and knew this story to be true, i'd sure make the job unpleasant enough for the homewrecker that she'd be looking for greener pastures post haste. deny vacations, mandatory overtime, call her and ask her to work two hours before the start of every shift that she's off then cancel her if you don't really need the help, schedule her to work the worst shifts, consistently give her the worst assignments, nit pick her charting, etc. write up every little infraction of every little rule. my guess is she'd be out of there in a hurry.

thank you, thank you....i strongly agree with you. you don't need to know all the facts and details etc.what makes this situation worse is that this nurse stole her friend's husband...it is a very low thing to do. if i was in her place i would just quit my job .people are going to find out what she did to her coworker/friend ( no one else is going to have any respect for her, but only those who fit in her category). people are going to be distant---they will be afraid she might try to ruin other marriages.