Here is the dilemma. Two of my favorite co-workers (Nurse1 and Nurse2) are in a complicated situation. Nurse1 confided in me that her husband walked out on her and the kids, stating he was going to live with his new girlfriend. Well turns out husband's new girlfriend is our co-worker Nurse2, whom is also married and has left her husband to live with Nurse1's husband. While providing support for my friend Nurse1 I am mourning the loss of my friendship with Nurse2, but not too much.... (I just can not believe that she would do something so low). Nurse2 has not broached the subject with me and we have not spoken about anything but work, she doesn't call me to chat anymore so she must know, that I know. The three of us don't take our breaks together anymore. I respect Nurse1's wishes for discretion and have not told anyone but the news is starting to trickle out. The whole situation has made the work environment very, very uncomfortable. My question is, what kinds of support or resources can I offer to my friend Nurse1 to help her get through this? She has talked to me about how painful it is to come into work and see Nurse2 every day, walking around like nothing is wrong. I have offered to work some shifts for her (Nurse1) so she can have some time to regroup but she does not want time off lest she seem defeated. If anyone has been in a situation similar to this I would be curious to know how you dealt with it.
i'm sure we don't know all the facts. even if we did know all the facts, we wouldn't know "the whole story" because feelings are involved as well as facts. i have to say, though, that the husband-stealing hussy should do the classy thing and leave. being as how she's low class enough to not only sleep with but steal a "friend's" husband, i would say she probably doesn't have enough class to do so. no way, however, should nurse #1 be forced out of her job by this morally bankrupt moron.
i'd think a case could be made for hostile work environment, and nurse #2 could be encouraged to look for a new job. no, you probably cannot outright fire her. but if i were management and knew this story to be true, i'd sure make the job unpleasant enough for the homewrecker that she'd be looking for greener pastures post haste. deny vacations, mandatory overtime, call her and ask her to work two hours before the start of every shift that she's off then cancel her if you don't really need the help, schedule her to work the worst shifts, consistently give her the worst assignments, nit pick her charting, etc. write up every little infraction of every little rule. my guess is she'd be out of there in a hurry.
wow, really? you would really do that to someone if you were in this situation? shouldn't there be some sort of mediation between the two as there are obviously issues. as a manager/supervisor you could have the both of them in mediation and work something out. i know if my supervisor did any of that stuff to me i'd be reporting her for bullying in the workplace (biiig no-no). then you'd be in more hot water than the cheating spouse.
sadly some people will cheat - some more than others. in this case the cheating nurse should have enough sense to leave the workplace but maybe she is unable to. i've seen the cheating spouses in my working career, and yes you can see the emotional pain but they do eventually get their comeuppance.
I think, given the circumstances, you're all doing exactly what you should be doing. Nurse #1 is, quite admirably, holding her head up and, probably doing what she must to keep it together for herself and her children. Nurse #2, knows the score, and is just going about the business at hand to earn her paycheck. And you are doing the societal, although not workplace, ostracizing. There's no reason you can't offer support and be a sounding board for your friend while also being civil to your former friend. It sounds as though you both know that friendship is over.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
wow, really? you would really do that to someone if you were in this situation? shouldn't there be some sort of mediation between the two as there are obviously issues. as a manager/supervisor you could have the both of them in mediation and work something out. i know if my supervisor did any of that stuff to me i'd be reporting her for bullying in the workplace (biiig no-no). then you'd be in more hot water than the cheating spouse.
sadly some people will cheat - some more than others. in this case the cheating nurse should have enough sense to leave the workplace but maybe she is unable to. i've seen the cheating spouses in my working career, and yes you can see the emotional pain but they do eventually get their comeuppance.
mediation? how would you like mediation with the "friend" who ran off with your spouse? nurse 1 really should not have to lose her home, her family and her job too. nurse 2 deserves the horrible schedules, awful assignments and whatever else she gets to keep her out of nurse 1's face.
i've actually seen this happen a few times -- usually in union hospitals. the nurse who is run off knows what's happening, but usually doesn't have a leg to stand on. one manager was having difficulty firing a nurse who kept writing "verbal orders" without speaking with the doctors and hanging blood on the wrong patient. little things like that. the grievance process is long and slow, and although everyone knew what she was doing, no one wanted to go on record as writing her up. (i was still on orientation, so had nothing to say about it). the nurse in question lived 150 miles away, and wanted to work all her shifts together so that she could come to town, work her shifts while staying with her sister and then go home to the ranch again. they started scheduling her every other day -- all legal within the union guidelines of course, but not at all what she asked for. she quit while her case was still working through the union process.
i would hope you wouldn't be having an affair with a co-worker's spouse, hanging blood on the wrong person more than once, or writing verbal orders without the verbal or the order. if you were, it would probably come down to management vs. you -- and management usually wins.
there isn't one of us who hasn't made a mistake, come in late, called in sick, upset a family member or skirted a policy from time to time. (heck, i've worked in units where policy didn't keep up with practice, and it was our units practice to skirt policies.) once someone starts looking for your mistakes and writing up every one of them, it won't be long until you find yourself out of a job. whether or not you think that's fair. or whether or not you believe you deserve it.
I hate to say it, but no one can "steal" anyone else's spouse. The spouse went willingly. The husband is equally at fault.
Maybe it's just me, but as nurse 1, I would cut them both out of my life like a cancer. I would focus on healing myself by taking good care of myself (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). You can help her in this (ex- do active, distracting things together like go for a walk, speak positively about her good traits). Help her get out of the house. Help her focus on the good things about herself vs thinking of this as her failure. I hope she will at least consider working on different days if not in a new unit. I don't think it shows defeat to leave, it shows willingness to untangle oneself from a yucky environment.
Had a situation like this one placed I worked. A husband and wife were both supervisors, then the husband started and affair with a floor nurse. Word got around quickly. He moved in with the nurse. Thing was this situation went on for a long time before management did anything about it. Ended up he was forced out and the nurse quit. Later, the wife was fired. It was an awkward and tense situation for the staff.
mediation? how would you like mediation with the "friend" who ran off with your spouse? nurse 1 really should not have to lose her home, her family and her job too. nurse 2 deserves the horrible schedules, awful assignments and whatever else she gets to keep her out of nurse 1's face.
i've actually seen this happen a few times -- usually in union hospitals. the nurse who is run off knows what's happening, but usually doesn't have a leg to stand on. one manager was having difficulty firing a nurse who kept writing "verbal orders" without speaking with the doctors and hanging blood on the wrong patient. little things like that. the grievance process is long and slow, and although everyone knew what she was doing, no one wanted to go on record as writing her up. (i was still on orientation, so had nothing to say about it). the nurse in question lived 150 miles away, and wanted to work all her shifts together so that she could come to town, work her shifts while staying with her sister and then go home to the ranch again. they started scheduling her every other day -- all legal within the union guidelines of course, but not at all what she asked for. she quit while her case was still working through the union process.
i would hope you wouldn't be having an affair with a co-worker's spouse, hanging blood on the wrong person more than once, or writing verbal orders without the verbal or the order. if you were, it would probably come down to management vs. you -- and management usually wins.
there isn't one of us who hasn't made a mistake, come in late, called in sick, upset a family member or skirted a policy from time to time. (heck, i've worked in units where policy didn't keep up with practice, and it was our units practice to skirt policies.) once someone starts looking for your mistakes and writing up every one of them, it won't be long until you find yourself out of a job. whether or not you think that's fair. or whether or not you believe you deserve it.
realistically, your workplace shouldn't have to deal with your personal problems. work is work, not mess around time, gossip with friends etc. if you get along with your coworkers then that's great but once you cross the threshold of your work, your personal problems should be put on hold.
here the personal issues are affecting the workplace so yes there should be some sort of mediation to figure out whether the two can work together and if not; what can be done to make the workplace comfortable. because in the end it's about the workplace being cohesive.
it's an abuse of power to make a hostile workplace simply because you don't agree with someone's morals or actions in their personal lives. the other examples you have shown are where people are disregarding the workplace's rules and regulations - that is a different situation.
i'm not condoning the cheating nurse's behaviour nor trying to be mean to the nurse who has lost her family. i do feel for her, however work is work.
i'd sure make the job unpleasant enough for the homewrecker that she'd be looking for greener pastures post haste. deny vacations, mandatory overtime, call her and ask her to work two hours before the start of every shift that she's off then cancel her if you don't really need the help, schedule her to work the worst shifts, consistently give her the worst assignments, nit pick her charting, etc. write up every little infraction of every little rule. my guess is she'd be out of there in a hurry.
these tactics should be used for any undesirable employee who needs to be gotten rid of for any reason.
Realistically, your workplace shouldn't have to deal with your personal problems. Work is work, not mess around time, gossip with friends etc. If you get along with your coworkers then that's great but once you cross the threshold of your work, your personal problems should be put on hold.
Here the personal issues are affecting the workplace so yes there should be some sort of mediation to figure out whether the two can work together and if not; what can be done to make the workplace comfortable. Because in the end it's about the workplace being cohesive.
It's an abuse of power to make a hostile workplace simply because you don't agree with someone's morals or actions in their personal lives. The other examples you have shown are where people are disregarding the workplace's rules and regulations - that is a different situation.
I'm not condoning the cheating nurse's behaviour nor trying to be mean to the nurse who has lost her family. I do feel for her, however work is work.
There are personal problems than there are PERSONAL problems. Working with a woman who is currently shacking up with your husband and the father of your children goes beyond personal. You might as well be working with someone who murdered your dog. Somethings can not be ignored. Nurse1 has lost her husband and has been turned into a single mother overnight through the direct actions of nurse2. Nurse 2 needs to be transferred out.. jt is the right thing to do.
I thought there was moral character clauses in the medical field.. Am I mistaken?
I sympathize with Nurse #1's situation. In my opinion though, going to work everyday seeing nurse #2 is a toxic environment for Nurse #1. Stressful, and hurtful, i would think. I think it is time #1 searches for a new position elsewhere. Nurse #2's actions will invoke her own natural consequences in time...including being ostracized in this workplace due to her actions. My advice is to be there for Nurse #1, she needs a good friend/co-worker to stick by through this difficult time. What a tough situation to be in for you also...
I agree i think its time for nurse1 to change to another unit. staying in this kind of environment is not healthy for her at all. she should know that changing unit is not a sign of defeat rather a sign of being a responsible individual. she is being responsible for herself, her current and future patients, and her career. As for nurse2 and her "new boyfiend", all i can say is karma...
There was a similar drama at a local hospital. RN #1 & RN # 2 were in the process of getting a divorce, when RN # 1, got RN # 3 pregnant. RN #1 soon hightailed it out of there and moved several time zones away.
OP: I know you want to be there for your friend and that's great. Just try not to internalize what she is going through and become affected by it.
sassy_squirrel
76 Posts
wow, really? you would really do that to someone if you were in this situation? shouldn't there be some sort of mediation between the two as there are obviously issues. as a manager/supervisor you could have the both of them in mediation and work something out. i know if my supervisor did any of that stuff to me i'd be reporting her for bullying in the workplace (biiig no-no). then you'd be in more hot water than the cheating spouse.
sadly some people will cheat - some more than others. in this case the cheating nurse should have enough sense to leave the workplace but maybe she is unable to. i've seen the cheating spouses in my working career, and yes you can see the emotional pain but they do eventually get their comeuppance.