Here is the dilemma. Two of my favorite co-workers (Nurse1 and Nurse2) are in a complicated situation. Nurse1 confided in me that her husband walked out on her and the kids, stating he was going to live with his new girlfriend. Well turns out husband's new girlfriend is our co-worker Nurse2, whom is also married and has left her husband to live with Nurse1's husband. While providing support for my friend Nurse1 I am mourning the loss of my friendship with Nurse2, but not too much.... (I just can not believe that she would do something so low). Nurse2 has not broached the subject with me and we have not spoken about anything but work, she doesn't call me to chat anymore so she must know, that I know. The three of us don't take our breaks together anymore. I respect Nurse1's wishes for discretion and have not told anyone but the news is starting to trickle out. The whole situation has made the work environment very, very uncomfortable. My question is, what kinds of support or resources can I offer to my friend Nurse1 to help her get through this? She has talked to me about how painful it is to come into work and see Nurse2 every day, walking around like nothing is wrong. I have offered to work some shifts for her (Nurse1) so she can have some time to regroup but she does not want time off lest she seem defeated. If anyone has been in a situation similar to this I would be curious to know how you dealt with it.
Specializes in multispecialty ICU, SICU including CV.
originally posted by ruby vee i'd sure make the job unpleasant enough for the homewrecker that she'd be looking for greener pastures post haste. deny vacations, mandatory overtime, call her and ask her to work two hours before the start of every shift that she's off then cancel her if you don't really need the help, schedule her to work the worst shifts, consistently give her the worst assignments, nit pick her charting, etc. write up every little infraction of every little rule. my guess is she'd be out of there in a hurry.
these tactics should be used for any undesirable employee who needs to be gotten rid of for any reason.
oh my. i certainly hope that neither of you are ever a manager where i work.
the situation that op is describing is heartbreaking and appalling. does the offending party have scruples? did she do the right thing? i don't think anyone, ever, would say that she did. however, unless it is affecting hers or others work performance, she should not be attacked for something that happened completely outside of the work environment. it is inappropriate to try to "run her out." just because her behavior is morally bankrupt doesn't mean that she didn't get hired into that job and it doesn't mean that she deserves to lose her job. i would hope that as a manager, one would have the capacity to not get so emotionally involved in the situation and to treat all parties fairly.
i think it would be wise for a manager to approach both parties with a offer to transfer to another department with full support and a good recommendation based on the circumstances. i also think it would be wise to attempt to schedule nurse 1 and nurse 2 opposite of each other until that could be worked out. i also think it would be wise to support nurse 1 as best you can as an employer as she is undoubtedly having an unbelievably difficult time emotionally. i don't think any of those things are necessarily required, and i think some managers could be correct in not doing anything at all. however, unless the situation "blows up" --- there is some sort of a verbal or physical altercation --- i don't think that there is much that management can do, unless you want to resort the kinds of dirty, underhanded tactics as described above.
honestly, i can't see the situation with nurse 1 and nurse 2 working together in the same environment lasting very long, even if they refuse those types of interventions. one of them will inevitably quit/transfer, and this will probably all happen without management getting involved at all. the rest of the staff will inevitably find out and nurse 2 will be ostracized and miserable. i give it 6 months, tops.
many people cheat. hell, i was even involved in a marriage that ended because my spouse was unfaithful. it was horribly demoralizing. i left him, so this all comes from a person that doesn't tolerate that kind of behavior. i don't support or like what happened in any way, but that doesn't mean all cheaters should be ran off from their job, no matter who they cheated with.
op, to you, my advice to you is to try to be supportive and stay neutral to both parties. this is a sticky problem and it would be very easy to take sides and get yourself in trouble. best wishes.
Have either of these nurses voiced anything previously about their marital problems at work? Are these nurses friends? This situation happen off work grounds or unless nurse1 husband brings or eat lunch with nurse 2 on job site. This may cause a big problem. I agree about getting HR and nurse manager involved. People are going to talk. Someone patient care may lack. Something needs be done. If their jobs not affected just yet, I would just set back and just be friends with both. I would have my limitations because you could get in the middle of it. If it does go beyond HR and nurse manager you may have speak against them. I know any real friend dont want to is being against a good friend.
Now, I see some posts blaming Nurse 2. Guess what it take two to tangle. The husband needs to be talk to because these two ladies work together. I agree if you someone is married you should think about a personal relationship. In this world today it appears sometimes the old traditions are out the window. I wish a good outcome to all parties. This situation can get out hand at anytime.
There are personal problems than there are PERSONAL problems. Working with a woman who is currently shacking up with your husband and the father of your children goes beyond personal. You might as well be working with someone who murdered your dog. Somethings can not be ignored. Nurse1 has lost her husband and has been turned into a single mother overnight through the direct actions of nurse2. Nurse 2 needs to be transferred out.. jt is the right thing to do.
I thought there was moral character clauses in the medical field.. Am I mistaken?
This goes on probably more than we know. Im sure this has been going on for awhile with these two. It appears to me that Nurse 1 may have the serious problems. Nurse 2 comes to work everyday and minds her business. Dont forget Nurse 2 lost her husband also. Nurse 2 may have children. Since Nurse 2 is nonchalant about the situation she should be thrown to the wolves. Nurse 1 may be need to transfer before she do something she may regret.
that doesn't mean all cheaters should be ran off from their job, no matter who they cheated with.
omg...this country couldn't handle it...if oft-cited statistics are to be believed, the already double-digit unemployment rate would quintuple!!! :eek:
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
this goes on probably more than we know. im sure this has been going on for awhile with these two. it appears to me that nurse 1 may have the serious problems. nurse 2 comes to work everyday and minds her business. dont forget nurse 2 lost her husband also. nurse 2 may have children. since nurse 2 is nonchalant about the situation she should be thrown to the wolves. nurse 1 may be need to transfer before she do something she may regret.
Specializes in Hem/Onc, LTC, AL, Homecare, Mgmt, Psych.
Have either of these nurses voiced anything previously about their marital problems at work? Are these nurses friends?
Lkwashington, to answer your questions: Yes but only a few marital complaints outside of the occasional joking or venting. It never struck me as anything severe & yes I considered us all to be friends. The three of us have gotten together outside of work too, to grill out or have drinks. It could be how my co-worker (nurse2) and other co-worker's (nurse1) husband connected but I don't know that for sure. When I found initially that her husband walked out to be with nurse2, my head starting ringing and I got clammy, I'm pretty sure I had mild shock or some sort of acute stress reaction... I was that surprised. I'm so disappointed in my friend and the other husband because it was handled without respect to the kids and the spouses left behind. Thanks to the reinforcement here, I'll just be the calm, neutral person & if someone wants or needs a sympathetic ear I'll be here but I'm not going to get involved further.
Lkwashington to answer your questions: Yes but only a few marital complaints outside of the occasional joking or venting. It never struck me as anything severe & yes I considered us all to be friends. The three of us have gotten together outside of work too, to grill out or have drinks. It could be how my co-worker (nurse2) and other co-worker's (nurse1) husband connected but I don't know that for sure. When I found initially that her husband walked out to be with nurse2, my head starting ringing and I got clammy, I'm pretty sure I had mild shock or some sort of acute stress reaction... I was that surprised. I'm so disappointed in my friend and the other husband because it was handled without respect to the kids and the spouses left behind. Thanks to the reinforcement here, I'll just be the calm, neutral person & if someone wants or needs a sympathetic ear I'll be here but I'm not going to get involved further.[/quote']
Just be careful. It may get ugly. Your emotions going to get involved. You may have to be the bigger person.
Is this a script from General Hospital or what? Empathetic listening is o.k. if you have time on your busy floor, but Never mix personal stuff with your job. You will always lose.
:eek:
CNL2B
516 Posts
originally posted by ruby vee
i'd sure make the job unpleasant enough for the homewrecker that she'd be looking for greener pastures post haste. deny vacations, mandatory overtime, call her and ask her to work two hours before the start of every shift that she's off then cancel her if you don't really need the help, schedule her to work the worst shifts, consistently give her the worst assignments, nit pick her charting, etc. write up every little infraction of every little rule. my guess is she'd be out of there in a hurry.
oh my. i certainly hope that neither of you are ever a manager where i work.
the situation that op is describing is heartbreaking and appalling. does the offending party have scruples? did she do the right thing? i don't think anyone, ever, would say that she did. however, unless it is affecting hers or others work performance, she should not be attacked for something that happened completely outside of the work environment. it is inappropriate to try to "run her out." just because her behavior is morally bankrupt doesn't mean that she didn't get hired into that job and it doesn't mean that she deserves to lose her job. i would hope that as a manager, one would have the capacity to not get so emotionally involved in the situation and to treat all parties fairly.
i think it would be wise for a manager to approach both parties with a offer to transfer to another department with full support and a good recommendation based on the circumstances. i also think it would be wise to attempt to schedule nurse 1 and nurse 2 opposite of each other until that could be worked out. i also think it would be wise to support nurse 1 as best you can as an employer as she is undoubtedly having an unbelievably difficult time emotionally. i don't think any of those things are necessarily required, and i think some managers could be correct in not doing anything at all. however, unless the situation "blows up" --- there is some sort of a verbal or physical altercation --- i don't think that there is much that management can do, unless you want to resort the kinds of dirty, underhanded tactics as described above.
honestly, i can't see the situation with nurse 1 and nurse 2 working together in the same environment lasting very long, even if they refuse those types of interventions. one of them will inevitably quit/transfer, and this will probably all happen without management getting involved at all. the rest of the staff will inevitably find out and nurse 2 will be ostracized and miserable. i give it 6 months, tops.
many people cheat. hell, i was even involved in a marriage that ended because my spouse was unfaithful. it was horribly demoralizing. i left him, so this all comes from a person that doesn't tolerate that kind of behavior. i don't support or like what happened in any way, but that doesn't mean all cheaters should be ran off from their job, no matter who they cheated with.
op, to you, my advice to you is to try to be supportive and stay neutral to both parties. this is a sticky problem and it would be very easy to take sides and get yourself in trouble. best wishes.