A few questions about bedside manner.

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Specializes in Acute Care - Adult, Med Surg, Neuro.

I am a nurse of about a year on a medical-surgical ward. Many of my co-workers are also new nurses. They are great nurses and often get many compliments from our patients. Our manager will print the compliments and had them in the break room.

I never get compliments or remembered by my patients. I have not heard anything bad about my clinical practice, which my manager says is at or above her expectations. My manager says I'm a calming presence for my patients. I think what I'm lacking though is a good bedside manner. I believe that I may be on the autism or Aspergers spectrum, as I have always had difficulty with social skills and have been described as awkward or "weird" more times then I can count. My speech patterns are often weird, too.

I am friendly, introduce myself to patients and families, make sure they are comfortable, fill their water pitcher, round on them, and update them with any changes to their care. I manage pain and nausea. I am wondering what you as nurses do to go the extra mile for your patients and make them feel truly cared for?

For example, I had a patient who got tearful while we were discussing his plan of care. I sit in the chair next to him and ask him if he's having a hard time now right. He tells me he's afraid of what his test results will show. I tell him that he's in the right place, I'm glad he's here, and the doctors will do their best to figure out what is going on with him. I offer him a warm blanket or to go for a walk with me. I also offer our chaplain service. He declines, and remains tearful. I sit for a few more minutes and then my phone rings and I have to excuse myself. When I return, he is not so tearful, and says he doesn't need anything more.

I am left feeling that I didn't do enough to comfort him. I have trouble finding the right things to say, as well as I don't feel comfortable touching people or offering hugs. What else can I do?

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I know how you feel. I'm not the kind of nurse who has "Hallmark Moments" with my patients. Never will be. I'm not gonna sit on the side of the bed and hold a patient's hand and have a "caring conversation" or whatever stupid fluff management is telling us to do that week. It would just be a weird and awkward situation for both of us.

I wouldn't feel bad. It sounds like you're a good nurse who does what you're supposed to. You just fly under the radar. That can be a blessing.

You know what they say, "When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

I'm not mentioned positively by most patients on satisfaction surveys and I'm totally fine with it. They don't complain about me, either.

I'm quiet, introverted, reserved, and my speech patterns also differ from the majority of other people. My interpersonal skills could be better. Some would say that I have a dry personality. A few people have described me as 'weird' over the years. When I smile, it is forced and with much effort.

Although I'm nice to my patients, they're more likely to remember nurses with bubbly personalities and mention them on satisfaction surveys. Remember: patients are more attracted to bubbly than dry. Bubbly makes them feel good. I cannot fake bubbliness, so I will continue to be myself.

As long as you provide competent care, nothing else should matter.

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much of what is being seen on these surveys have NOTHING to do with nursing....

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Tbh, it's just a natural thing. Just being bubbly, like Commuter said.

When I was a teenager, I was pretty energetic but also very reserved with it, and it just never really came across to people. Then, I made a group of friends who really brought me out of my shell. I'd never cared what others thought, but I'd also never had a real reason to try and be outgoing. Once I started being more outgoing with them, it just naturally shifted that more people saw me as outgoing in general. Perceptions of me changed even though *I* didn't change at all in my interactions with most people.

That level of caring and connection to another person is something I certainly don't know how to teach. It's possible that it can't be learned at all. It comes naturally to me. Once I focus my attention on a patient the way I should, that connection with them is made and they feel it. They know I'm listening intently to everything they're saying, and I have a very good feel for conversation vibes. Sometimes patients need you to be funny and lighthearted. Sometimes they need you to be serious and overtly attentive. I naturally deliver these things in close enough to the right doses that even though most patients actually do remember me as that weird aide, it's a fond memory.

You're doing the right things, taking the right actions, I think. It's just that without that personal touch, those small smiles and that feeling of camaraderie, patients aren't likely to really tune into that and remember you. But that's not a bad thing. Everybody has their own style of interaction, and as long as you're a competent nurse, you're okay. And you are. You didn't get awkward with the crying patient. You didn't lie to him, didn't falsely reassure him, didn't disregard his fear. You let him express it fully, let him cry, and I'm sure he found it therapeutic. The blunt reality is that often, there is simply nothing you can say to make a crying patient feel better. You just have to let them express their emotions and cope as they will. You did a great job of it =).

The only example I can think of off the top of my head is a woman who'd had spine surgery to fix something or the other. She was on the ortho floor post-op and I had the duty of taking care of her for my 3 days of back to back 12's. She was miserable the first 2 days. Didn't want to move, bathe, eat, have guests, anything. In a lot of pain, moved with great difficulty. I was positive with her the entire time, complimenting her flowers and the gifts people had brought her and expressing interest in how she was feeling. The third day, I came in to find her sitting up in her chair eating something, and when I started talking to her, she actually smiled. I commented that it was so good to see her smile and I was glad she was feeling better for the first time in days, and she was really happy that I'd acknowledged that. It was a great feeling for both of us. Go for little moments like that.

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Specializes in Acute Care - Adult, Med Surg, Neuro.

Thanks all, and Brandon and TheCommuter for your honesty. I agree that I probably will never have a "Hallmark Moment." It would feel so contrived for me. I think that you all are right that it's a personality thing. I have a dry personality as well, and an off-beat sense of humor that I don't think patients would appreciate. I am contained and professional at work. I have a warmth that comes out when I'm caring for a developmentally delayed or dementia/confused patients. I also love the elderly. I love making them smile and finding ways to calm them. I am good at meeting them where they are at and have been praised for my patience. Unfortunately these are not the patients who are going to remember me.

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I'm sorry that you're not getting the kudos you deserve while others are. While it doesn't reall mean much professionally, I know it means a lot personally to just have someone remember that you did a good job even if you don't fart confetti. I'm not a nurse (yet) but get this at my current job. I'll never be that person, but it still stings when others are getting their backs patted and I'm not.

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Keep in mind patients receive these surveys most of the time, after they leave the hospital..and while in there they meet many different people - nurses, aides, doctors, lab techs, etc. and they are worried about their own health or what is going on outside the hospital in their private lives...many times people take time only to complain..yes, it would be nice if the compliments were passed out as easily but the fact is, most of the time, they aren't. It's not personal though at times it may feel like it.

Do your job as it sounds like you are - professional, friendly, competent and know that while a patient may not remember your name for a survey that doesn't mean they aren't thankful for you and your being there for them.

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

As individuals, we have preferences for certain types of people, in all areas of our lives. I don't like the waitress who hovers and chats. I don't like sales people to follow me around and "visit". The nursing style I admire is serious, efficient, and no nonsense.

There is a place for each of us. Those of us who are bubbly challenged just have to be happy with self satisfaction.

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Specializes in Oncology.

I am a tech right now, but I feel like this, too. I do a good job, always willing to help, friendly, and professionally competent. But I usually work nights, when patients are irritated for being woken up or don't even notice my presence. I NEVER get kudos... I wish patients commented about me, positively, but they don't. I take comfort in knowing no one complains about me, either...

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Specializes in Eventually Midwifery.

Well, contrary to what Brandon says, holding someone's hand during a difficult time is NOT a stupid thing to do. Also, you do NOT have to be bubbly to make a difference.

Case and point: I recently had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I stayed home for most of it, but on day 3 I had lost so much blood that I could barely stand up without passing out. I went to the ER and was seen by a weird-o OB with did not care at all how traumatic the experience was for me. I ended up spending the night. When the charge nurse came in to get some information and check on me, the FIRST thing that she did was hug me and tell me that she was sorry for my loss. She was the only person who acted like she cared about my situation at all. I would not describe her as bubbly, but she was COMPASSIONATE.

Now, if you are not a bubbly person, that is OK. But to be a good nurse, you must have compassion. Of course, you should not fake any emotion or try to be someone you are not. But letting your patients know that you care can make a real difference to them in their time of need. If you have trouble expressing compassion, you could consider checking out the following book for help on developing the skill of expression: 101 Simple Suggestions and Quotations to Express Compassion and Empathy: (An aid in healing ourselves and the world): Linda Furiate: 9780595324132: Amazon.com: Books

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Yeah I'm not bubbly but I'm caring. If I have a minute I will sit and talk with you. I have a few residents that I joke with, and a couple who I really like so I go a little extra.

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