I am a nurse of about a year on a medical-surgical ward. Many of my co-workers are also new nurses. They are great nurses and often get many compliments from our patients. Our manager will print the compliments and had them in the break room.
I never get compliments or remembered by my patients. I have not heard anything bad about my clinical practice, which my manager says is at or above her expectations. My manager says I'm a calming presence for my patients. I think what I'm lacking though is a good bedside manner. I believe that I may be on the autism or Aspergers spectrum, as I have always had difficulty with social skills and have been described as awkward or "weird" more times then I can count. My speech patterns are often weird, too.
I am friendly, introduce myself to patients and families, make sure they are comfortable, fill their water pitcher, round on them, and update them with any changes to their care. I manage pain and nausea. I am wondering what you as nurses do to go the extra mile for your patients and make them feel truly cared for?
For example, I had a patient who got tearful while we were discussing his plan of care. I sit in the chair next to him and ask him if he's having a hard time now right. He tells me he's afraid of what his test results will show. I tell him that he's in the right place, I'm glad he's here, and the doctors will do their best to figure out what is going on with him. I offer him a warm blanket or to go for a walk with me. I also offer our chaplain service. He declines, and remains tearful. I sit for a few more minutes and then my phone rings and I have to excuse myself. When I return, he is not so tearful, and says he doesn't need anything more.
I am left feeling that I didn't do enough to comfort him. I have trouble finding the right things to say, as well as I don't feel comfortable touching people or offering hugs. What else can I do?
I also understand your pain, OP. I never get anything bad written about me *knock on wood* but also never get recognized. Some of it probably comes from working night shift. (Or so I tell myself!) Since it seems like some patients manage to thank every nurse on day shift but never mention night shift at all, lol.
But. I'm also fairly low-key. I'm naturally pretty introverted and so have my on and off days when it comes to connecting or wanting to connect with patients although I consider myself patient, kind, and fairly compassionate. I've also been called a calming presence by my coworkers.
Anyway! I really just wanted to share my story with you so please don't mind the thread hijack. I was getting seriously depressed about this very topic about two months ago. Could have posted the same thread although I've been at my job for two years now. And then I got the *best* comment card, ever. A patient mentioned me (and only me!) by first and last name and wrote five whole sentences on what a wonderful nurse I had been to her. Most gratifying comment card ever. Sure, nurses X, Y, and Z always get mentioned with a "X, Y, and Z were great!" in every comment card but has anyone dedicated five whole sentences to them? I think not! I keep a copy of it at home and have another copy in my locker. And I have hope that you'll make that same sort of connection with *one* patient who will be grateful enough to write you the same sort of thanks. Don't despair. People with our personalities sometimes have to wait for that one patient that we truly can connect with. Just keep doing what you're doing.
What shift do you work? I find that day shift gets "remembered" the most. Patients are more alert then, family is around to see how awesome the nurse is, etc. You may just have had patients that don't fill out surveys, you're new so give it time, someone will eventually recognize you!
Day shift gets most of the kudos. I work nights and I know this...however I had a resident who told me quite often "you're my favorite nurse here." When she discharged her family wrote a nice note naming several special nurses, and my name was not included. Kind of stings a little.
it also gets annoying when I pick up other shifts and family members tell me "well you must be new, I hope you know xxx about my dad" and I'm like "yeah don't worry I've worked here for a while."
So to all of my non-bubbly comrades in the nursing business we don't have to be something we are not to be a good nurse. Bubbly does not always mean better.
I agree 100%! I'm not bubbly at all. I'm actually quite stoic and straight to the point. I'm a PRN float nurse and on several occasions I've had patients tell me they want me to come back the next day and be their nurse. They like that I'm serious and not trying to sugar coat things. I will never be the smiling bubbly nurse but I will make sure my patients are taken care of.
If you base your own satisfaction on official compliments that happen to make it down the line, then you're setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. You know if you did a good job. You also know if you didn't quite knock it out of the park this time around.
Plus night shift gets virtually no kudos; doesn't matter how many lives you save or how many hands you hold :)
In fact, it seems you did say that it was "stupid fluff."
Furthermore, some people are sensitive. Compassion IS part of the job- no, not everyone shows it in the same way. But for someone on the spectrum, learning the skills to convey compassion to a patient is as important as learning the clues people give as to what they are feeling.
Use context clues.
I was saying hospitals creating such policies or initiatives or whatever is stupid fluff. I stand by it. Hospitals are endlessly turning out dumb foo-foo plans to increase survey scores. Not all nurses show their compassion in that way. More importantly, not all patients want them to.
I never suggested that nurses who hold someone's hand (or whatever) are dumb. I'm glad some nurses do do this. They can give patients who want that something I can't. On the other side of the coin, my (and I'm guessing the OP's) no nonsense approach and dry humor gives other patients something that doesn't come naturally to those nurses.
If you think I (or the OP or whoever) needs to "learn" how to be comfortable with that kind of intimacy, then you missed my point entirely.
Man I have been trying my *hardest* to get in one of those darned surveys. Extra mile, bubbly smile, hugs, and everything. Managing their care to the best of my ability. I need to get a common, easy to spell name. So even if I don't make it, someone whose name I share will get in one, and I can claim right.
Just be thankful you're not one of those who is praised to the sky for bedside manners. I float, throughout my hospital, so eventually I "follow" one half of the entire nursing staff. The WORST nurse I follow is a relentless self-promotor who likes to yuk it up with the patients while giving them the worst care possible. She is praised by patients and administration. When I follow her, I find the fragmin in its package, ungiven. I find the antibiotic hanging and not infused. I have reported all of these incidents to the Charge RN, but because she is so good at B------t, nothing is done. I too am quiet and thoughtful and am never complimented by patients because they only go by the dog and pony show at the bedside. They have no idea who is giving good nursing care and who can possibly be killing them. Keep doing a good job.
In fact, it seems you did say that it was "stupid fluff."
Furthermore, some people are sensitive. Compassion IS part of the job- no, not everyone shows it in the same way. But for someone on the spectrum, learning the skills to convey compassion to a patient is as important as learning the clues people give as to what they are feeling.
Oh, and I want to add that nothing I described would necessarily indicate being "on the spectrum". Do you really think someone being reserved or maintaining a distance equates with them having Aspergers or something?
Dude, read closer. The OP suggested that she may be on the spectrum, and my suggestions were intended to help her to find ways to show compassion and not necessarily worry that she is not bubbly. Geesh
dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN
1,571 Posts
I also understand your pain, OP. I never get anything bad written about me *knock on wood* but also never get recognized. Some of it probably comes from working night shift. (Or so I tell myself!) Since it seems like some patients manage to thank every nurse on day shift but never mention night shift at all, lol.
But. I'm also fairly low-key. I'm naturally pretty introverted and so have my on and off days when it comes to connecting or wanting to connect with patients although I consider myself patient, kind, and fairly compassionate. I've also been called a calming presence by my coworkers.
Anyway! I really just wanted to share my story with you so please don't mind the thread hijack. I was getting seriously depressed about this very topic about two months ago. Could have posted the same thread although I've been at my job for two years now. And then I got the *best* comment card, ever. A patient mentioned me (and only me!) by first and last name and wrote five whole sentences on what a wonderful nurse I had been to her. Most gratifying comment card ever. Sure, nurses X, Y, and Z always get mentioned with a "X, Y, and Z were great!" in every comment card but has anyone dedicated five whole sentences to them? I think not! I keep a copy of it at home and have another copy in my locker. And I have hope that you'll make that same sort of connection with *one* patient who will be grateful enough to write you the same sort of thanks. Don't despair. People with our personalities sometimes have to wait for that one patient that we truly can connect with. Just keep doing what you're doing.