A Dear Abbey letter. What is your take?

[Faeriewand]

I would like to hear your opinions regarding this situation from a letter taken from Dear Abbey. Do you agree with Abbey? Or should the nurse have done something differently?

DEAR ABBY: While sitting with my husband in the hospital following his surgery, a nurse entered his room. We all chatted while she took his pulse, etc., when -- without warning -- she removed his covers to check the surgery site and totally exposed his genitals.

I was shocked and embarrassed, and have trouble ridding myself of the image of my naked husband lying there in front of another woman. I wish the nurse had given me the chance to leave the room.

Is there something wrong with me for having so much trouble with this? What can I do to avoid this in the future? -- RED-FACED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR RED-FACED: On a scale of 10, I'd say you are probably an 8 on the "uptight" scale. You seem to have forgotten that the woman in the room with you was not a lap dancer, but a health-care professional performing her duties. Your husband was her patient, and in her eyes, was probably as sexless as a CPR dummy. To avoid embarrassment in the future, leave the room when the nurse enters

[rn/writer, RN]

I find this Dr Abby letter so interesting. I know that some "non-medical" people would be disturbed by the incision but her own hubby's genitalia, you have got to be kidding me. Heck after my hubands subtotal colectomy with ileostomy, I spend a lot of time in his room checking out the foley and rectal tube, along with the stoma and incision. For a week I had my own personal oberservation lab:) My husband didn't care and I learned a lot. I have not even started clinincals and I can change an ostomy bag.

This lady sounded really uptight! Let's face it male genitalia is really not made for looking at:) but this was a medical setting, not a bar.

Tracy

Ya know, I love my husband and I'm perfectly happy to look at him in the all-together, but if a nurse flipped the covers off him with no warning, I'd feel protective of my husband's dignity. No one deserves to be ambushed like this, even in a medical setting. Especially in a medical setting where you already feel vulnerable enough. I've gotten riled when nurses and docs have done this kind of stuff to my 9 yo grandson who has spina bifida and that's hardly because I'm jealous or shocked at the sight of him.

When I do fundal checks, I always give plenty of warning even if there is no one else in the room. The patient deserves a couple of seconds to put on that blank face we all don when a clinician is going to look at the ol' undercarriage or anything near it. That mental distancing is what lets us lower the shields and allow our personal space to be invaded by a stranger. Neither this lady nor her husband were given that opportunity.

You can minimize this if you want--he didn't get an infection, his meds weren't missed--but it mattered to this lady and her concern should be taken seriously. Geez, I wish every request were this easy to fix.

BTW, I thought Abby's answer sucked. Why should the wife have to get up and leave every time a medical person walks into the room? She needs to be there for moral support and to hear what is being said about her husband's care. And to be an advocate for him when someone needs to say, "Hey wait a minute," in a situation like this one.

[ToryAdore]

Putting the actions of the nurse and the reaction of the wife aside for a moment...the reference to being as "sexless as a CRP dummy" is beneath contempt. The wife might have thought that her husband was the sexiest man alive. The Dear Abby writers need to get a grip on how they phrase their responses.

[NurseCard, ADN]

Of course, it never occurs to the layperson that we nurses see naked people every day---it's not like we go into a room, take a peek and think "wow, I gotta get me some of that!"

Uh, speak for yourself. It TOTALLY depends on what the patient looks like. I've had me some DANG HOT male patients before! :wink2:

Seriously though... in regards to the "Dear Abby" column. I initially disagreed with Abby's answer, and for the most part still do. I do think it was really wrong for the nurse to just throw the sheet off of this guy without even announcing what she was about to do, IF that is what actually happened.

The woman who wrote the letter is a little silly,though. "I can't get the image of my husband laying naked in front of that OTHER WOMAN out of my mind!" :rotfl:

What is this, "General Hospital"??

[CHATSDALE]

actually on a sensitivity scale the men are more likely to be uncomfortable about being exposed esp old males

they shower in the army and they use urninal in public restrooms but they are not use to being the only bare one in the room

as for the nurse being sure that that was the wife well poor old dale has put her foot in her mouth in more than one occasion notably mistaking a trophy wife for a daughter

[grannynurse FNP student]

The woman said she was shocked and embarrassed, not jealous. She didn't say she doesn't understand why a nurse would need to see her husband's genitals, she said she would have liked the opportunity to leave the room. Call her uptight if you will, but putting the J label on her, just because she is modest, is unfair.

I am assuming you posted in response to me. I was not putting the J label on her or any other spouse. Orthodox Jews and Muslims have well defined religious guidelines regarding modesty. There are also certain cultures that have similar restrictions. I suggest that certain individuals and DA, need to update their knowledge base regarding a patient and his/her spouse's sense of modesty, instead of making fun of them.

Grannynurse:balloons:

[RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN]

I know the story is not in detail, but do think that the nurse could have warned the patients wife and that the wife is being too extreme.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I completely agree with respecting a person's dignity. I do think the nurse was too quick to pull the covers down. I do think she should have asked.

That does not mean that I can't think the wife's reaction was a bit odd. Not that it should be discounted just because it is odd. Her wishes should be taken into account.

steph

[hospitalstaph]

I completely agree with respecting a person's dignity. I do think the nurse was too quick to pull the covers down. I do think she should have asked.

That does not mean that I can't think the wife's reaction was a bit odd. Not that it should be discounted just because it is odd. Her wishes should be taken into account.

steph

Well said!

Tracy

[SmilingBluEyes]

I always ask permission to expose a patient and ask if anyone should leave before. I also "warn" all people in the room that I will need to expose a patient and if they feel they need to leave, I give them time to do so. I also expose the minimum to get the job done. For example, I can check a cervix w/o opening the sheets and exposing her fully.

Yea, I work in OB where exposure is a given. But I do ALWAYS request permission before exposing or touching patients.

I think Abby's response was "off" but not heinous.

[DusktilDawn]

I am assuming you posted in response to me. I was not putting the J label on her or any other spouse. Orthodox Jews and Muslims have well defined religious guidelines regarding modesty. There are also certain cultures that have similar restrictions. I suggest that certain individuals and DA, need to update their knowledge base regarding a patient and his/her spouse's sense of modesty, instead of making fun of them.

Grannynurse:balloons:

I actually thought she meant the J label as in jealous. There are certainly a number of factors, such as culture and religion that infuence modesty/nudity along with individual personal factors and personal experiences that also influence this.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

My DH had an emergency heart cath a few years back. When they brought him back he had a pressure bandage from his mid thigh up to almost his waist. There was a LOT of blood. While the RN was talking to the doc on the phone I stepped into the restroom.

When I came out I heard her saying where the heck IS "it" ?I can't find "it" ! She was blushing like crazy when my groggy dh said "my wife never has that problem."

Turned out his access was not in the usual spot but quite high almost to this iliac crest. She was saying she didn't see the access......but.......

He and I still have a laugh or two over that one.

Dear Abby (the original Pauline) quit writing several years before she passed away. Her daughter was writing the column long before they announced the change.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

doesn't say what kind of surgery it was. unless it was a circumcision, nurse didn't need to expose him that much, imho.

icu patients don't wear pajama bottoms. if you're going to take a look at their cabg incision, their chest tube site, whatever -- sometimes things just "fall out." i try to be aware of how much i'm exposing, and i cover the genitalia with a towel underneath the gown. but if i flip up the gown expecting the towel to be there and it isn't . . . something's gonna show.

i'm not sure the nurse didn't say something to the wife such as "i need to check your incision now." the wife may just not have "gotten it."

ruby