A Dear Abbey letter. What is your take?

[Faeriewand]

I would like to hear your opinions regarding this situation from a letter taken from Dear Abbey. Do you agree with Abbey? Or should the nurse have done something differently?

DEAR ABBY: While sitting with my husband in the hospital following his surgery, a nurse entered his room. We all chatted while she took his pulse, etc., when -- without warning -- she removed his covers to check the surgery site and totally exposed his genitals.

I was shocked and embarrassed, and have trouble ridding myself of the image of my naked husband lying there in front of another woman. I wish the nurse had given me the chance to leave the room.

Is there something wrong with me for having so much trouble with this? What can I do to avoid this in the future? -- RED-FACED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR RED-FACED: On a scale of 10, I'd say you are probably an 8 on the "uptight" scale. You seem to have forgotten that the woman in the room with you was not a lap dancer, but a health-care professional performing her duties. Your husband was her patient, and in her eyes, was probably as sexless as a CPR dummy. To avoid embarrassment in the future, leave the room when the nurse enters

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i was not aware that i was making fun of anyone or looking down on anyone. i was simply sharing how i worked to protect my husbands privacy. i am missing something???

tracy

i didn't notice you making fun of anyone, either. nor did i notice you "condensing" any remarks, although your post was short and sweet. good job, tracy!

ruby

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

i didn't notice you making fun of anyone, either. nor did i notice you "condensing" any remarks, although your post was short and sweet. good job, tracy!

ruby

ruby - you are a bad girl. :chuckle

this thread seems redundant now . . . . we all seem to agree that the nurse needed to provide privacy. some of us just differ on whether we think the wife's behavior was odd. the fact that it is odd does not mean we don't take it seriously.

case closed?:)

steph

[LydiaNN]

I am assuming you posted in response to me. I was not putting the J label on her or any other spouse. Orthodox Jews and Muslims have well defined religious guidelines regarding modesty. There are also certain cultures that have similar restrictions. I suggest that certain individuals and DA, need to update their knowledge base regarding a patient and his/her spouse's sense of modesty, instead of making fun of them.

Grannynurse:balloons:

You are assuming incorrectly. Any time I don't specifically quote another reply, my response isn't geared to any one person or post. The word "jealousy" has been used in this thread, so in the post of mine that you quoted, I was addressing my feelings on that particular concept.

[rn/writer, RN]

Ruby - you are a bad girl. :chuckle

This thread seems redundant now . . . . we all seem to agree that the nurse needed to provide privacy. Some of us just differ on whether we think the wife's behavior was odd. The fact that it is odd does not mean we don't take it seriously.

Case closed?:)

steph

Ah, Steph, the voice of wisdom. (Love your latest avatar!)

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Ah, Steph, the voice of wisdom. (Love your latest avatar!)

No no . . .you are confusing me with your sweet little self - I've been hanging around current events too much today to be the voice of reason. :chuckle

steph

[Nicky032605]

This past year my sister was in Labor and Delivery. The nurse went to check her cerivx by pulling up the sheet and not exposing her at all. It still bothered me, mainly becuase there was no warning, and I felt embarrassed for my sister - due to the fact of where she was being examined and that she might consider it private. :imbar I felt like her privacy was violated becuase I was there, and knowing my sister, she probably would have liked me to step out. I would have, but kinda felt put on the spot, so I just turned my head away. If it were my husband, I don't know if I would feel the same...hmmm.... Maybe a little, but only becuase I felt that the family member (patient) wasn't given a choice and therefore might be uncomfortable with it, therefore making me uncomfortable. But I did get over it pretty darn quick.... what else are ya gonna do - right?!? I guess what I said pretty much falls under what grannynurse posted about respecting peoples wishes and modesty, wheather it be cultural, religious, or whatever reason it might be.

[ClaireMacl]

I've seen some odd responses in the past in the ED, but I take them with a pinch of salt!

When someone comes in, I usually ask someone if they mind seeing their boobies or chest (depending on sex, lol) for an ecg and usually get giggles of "I've seen them so many times before once more won't make a difference". I would never expose a pt without warning, but 9/10 times, I get a response almost like "Why are you asking?".

[imenid37]

Ruby - you are a bad girl. :chuckle

This thread seems redundant now . . . . we all seem to agree that the nurse needed to provide privacy. Some of us just differ on whether we think the wife's behavior was odd. The fact that it is odd does not mean we don't take it seriously.

Case closed?:)

steph

ITA

[nurse4theplanet, RN]

You apparently are unaware of the number of husbands and wives who do not expose themselves to one another. And you apparently are unaware of religious restrictions regarding nudity. And you certainly give a great deal of latitude to the nurse's 'mistake' of yanking back the covers and exposing the patient's genitals to his wife. And by you, I mean all of the collective you who think the wife is off the deep end. Perhaps all of you and DA could benefit from some retraining in cultural and religious values and restrictions.

Grannynurse:balloons:

you wrote that letter to DA didn't you grannynurse (that is only a joke)

I am just making a point...there are two sides to every story. The woman may be completely founded in her allegations or a complete prude...who knows? Only DA read the letter in its entirety and responded. I am not going to automatically side with the pt's wife...just playing devil's advocate to keep a fresh open minded perspective on the situation. Since none of us were there, we can't decipher who was right and who was wrong. I have already stressed the importance of maintaining pt modesty, and I am simply expressing that you cannot take everything you hear or read for the gospel. Perception can be different from reality.

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

Your husband was her patient, and in her eyes, was probably as sexless as a CPR dummy.

I could see a spot in the floor of the Dear Abby mailroom collapsing, from the weight of response letters from nurses.

[grannynurse FNP student]

you wrote that letter to DA didn't you grannynurse (that is only a joke)

I am just making a point...there are two sides to every story. The woman may be completely founded in her allegations or a complete prude...who knows? Only DA read the letter in its entirety and responded. I am not going to automatically side with the pt's wife...just playing devil's advocate to keep a fresh open minded perspective on the situation. Since none of us were there, we can't decipher who was right and who was wrong. I have already stressed the importance of maintaining pt modesty, and I am simply expressing that you cannot take everything you hear or read for the gospel. Perception can be different from reality.

I have a feeling you are young. Your attitude will change as you grow older, most likely. I am not automatically taking the wife's side but I did tend to respect my patient's privacy and assumed everyone else did and expected it.

Grannynurse:balloons:

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

It would be so nice if people would not chalk up someone's opinion on a subject to them being young, and predicting their attitude would change as they grow older!

Sorry, that's just rude.